Acknowledging the realities of dating is not defeatism

My dating advice largely centers around the importance of looks, status, and money. Of course, this is in stark contrast to mainstream advice by dating gurus who proclaim that “looks don’t matter”. It is of little surprise that about a decade after the PUA heydays, such claims are no longer as prominently made. People have been slowly realizing that they have been sold a lie. It could have been that simple: just open your eyes and realize what women react to positively. That was apparently not good enough for some men. Those much preferred getting lied to by the likes of guys like Mystery or Tyler from Real Social Dynamics.

The growth of the MGTOW community is a direct consequence of the failure of commercial dating coaches to deliver on what they promised. Despite claiming that “we all know that one guy” who gets laid like Mick Jagger in his prime despite being short, ugly, and broke, the fact of the matter is that if you are deficient in the categories that matter, your dating success will be severely limited. True, you can be broke and bang a lot of women if you have the looks. For a long-term relationship, on the other hand, you’ll have a hard time getting anywhere if you are not financially stable.

A YouTube channel that is occasionally mentioned in the comments is FACEandLMS. I do not know who is behind it. I suspect it is a former member of the seduction community who stopped believing the lies of seduction gurus and afterwards decided to produce his own content in order to prevent other guys from deluding themselves. If you have not watched any of his videos, I’d recommend going through at least a few of them. I dislike that his material is structured like TV programming for the masses, where the same points get repeated a few times so that you can watch it even if you have missed the first half. Then again, he may deliberately target the average Joe who not only needs to be spoon-fed, but also get hit over the head over and over.

Once you realize how important your looks are, you have several options. One is to throw in the towel and get frustrated. That is one way of dealing with the problem. Yet, if fatalism or even defeatism is not your cup of tea, then there is a lot you can do to become more attractive to women, if that is what you want. It is perfectly fine if you decided to not bother with women, at least when it comes to dating. Most women will make no positive contribution to your life, so the question is simply how much pussy is worth to you.

In any case, the important realization is that you can change. Material like the videos on the channel FACEandLMS can be depressing to watch for some men. After all, you may be short or not be in great shape. Yet, while there is not much you can do to appear taller than you are, your body weight is something you can easily control. It takes quite some level of maturity to accept responsibility for that. This reminds me of a client I had some years ago who did not want to listen when I told him to slim down. To him, women had to chase him even though he was bordering on obese. For shorter guys, a healthy dose of realism is also helpful: just forget about dating tall women. True, your options will be limited, but you still can get laid.

The bigger issue is that very few people want to actively work on themselves. They much prefer someone lying to them that “looks don’t matter” or that your “personality” is what counts in dating. Of course, scammers are more concerned with exploiting people for financial gain and only incidentally with not hurting anyone’s feelings. Yet, as a modern society, we would arguably be much more advanced if we simply dared to call a spade a spade. What would you prefer: being lied to, which only leads to delusions of grandeur and slot or facing the truth, which hopefully jolts you into action?

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10 thoughts on “Acknowledging the realities of dating is not defeatism

  1. Say you get plastic surgery, do work on the jaw line, work out, oh and even break your bones in your legs and extend them (yes, this exists) to add say 10 cm to your height.
    Then what, you attract a good looking chick, you settle down and have kids. Their genes still have a high chance of being fucked up like yours. More suffering. What’s the fucking point, I ask.
    You know what? Men at least take it. You’re too ugly to get laid? You die without reproducing. Not so with women: Make-up, plastic surgery and now even politically trying to get men to like fat chicks.
    Who’s the real loser here?

    1. Distraction osteogenesis (the height-lengthening surgical process you mention) literally takes years to recover from, is not guaranteed, and has a complication rate of over 20%. I’d definitely recommend people to stay away from it.

    2. I heard similar concerns as well.
      Just the idea of the procedure sounds brutal to me.

  2. Not only is there the “looks don’t matter” thing, certain groups push, “status doesn’t matter” and even push the concept that pursuing a career or professional achievement is folly and that “location independent” work is everything (b/c then you can “game” women in 3rd world countries).
    But then, if “game” was effective, why the need to move to Manilla ?
    Maybe in 3rd world countries, looks don’t matter ?

    1. I once asked a friend who had experience as a manager of Thai GoGo bars about the attitudes of Thai bar girls. Particularly about moneyed clients and even fat clients. Regarding fat clients, they are like “He eats good food, that mean more good for girls like them”. At least that’s the logic however stupid it may sound. So, as you can see, LMS works just as well in Thailand, Manilla or elsewhere just not at the same level.

    2. Thai bar girls? It’s about money. Thats all. They’ll say and do everything to get it. Never fall in love with a Thai bar girl. When it comes to manipulation of men. They are the best. They’ll make you feel like a demi god. And suddenly you realise you’re broke. And when the money is gone, so are they. I know girls with 8 Western boyfriends who are all sending them money. They’ll cry their eyes out when they bring them to the airport. And pick the next one up the next day like she has been waiting for them all this time. I’m still amazed about what these girs can pull off. And how naive these guys can be. I’ve seen guys spending their life’s savings to buy them a house. While she lived there with some other dude when he was back working in the West. Sending her money every month. Just like her other 7 boyfriends. It’s crazy. Just a simple rule. If her mouth is moving without a dick inside. She’s lying. And money is her motivation for doing so. Thai bar girls are for fun only.

  3. “What would you prefer: being lied to, which only leads to delusions of grandeur and slot or facing the truth, which hopefully jolts you into action?”

    First it was like “looks dont matter, just be confident”, then people realized the importance of looks, read about chad “just be good looking” and everyone focused on his looks.

    What i see nowadays on the streets and in the gym are people, who look better than ever. If ten years ago the benchmark was if you said you go to the gym, currently the benchmark is to look like an instagram model. And to not look like a model fucks up a lot ppl. Stepping into the gym, the atmosphere has changed: No one goes there without thinking about his clothes. Girls get dressed up in yoga pants, put on make up, guys style their hair – and everyone hopes to get looked at. Girls dont get approached in the gym, in clubs or during the day, because guys started to act like girls and turned into “male attention whores”.

    I think it was better to tell people “looks dont matter”, because they believed it and walked up to girls. I know a lot of married couples who tell you “he just talked to me and we started dating, now we’re married…i didnt cared about his looks, i just liked he talked to me”.
    What we have now – like i said – are people who look better than ever, but still think its not enough. They realize if a girl looks at them, but they cant walk up to her because they think “i’m not enough” and girls think the same.
    At the end, no one talks to new people, no one has sex, everyone looks at his smartphone.

    1. Dunno where you live but people in central Europe are fat. Your fitness sample size is hardly representative for the sugar and carb addicted masses.
      But one thing I observe though:
      The more I look the more I realize that men are the beautiful sex, not women.
      Women are getting ugly with these fat Kardashian like asses and jeans they pull up high to disguise their disproportionately fat asses.
      Can’t fool me biatches, y’all got ass fat to lose…

    2. I think you’re onto something. People also want to look good for social media and maybe online ‘game’ but don’t make a move in person

    3. SMV is not determined by one factor. Looks do matter. But so do money, confidence and social status. And her minimal requirements are very dependant on her own self image, social and financial situation. She might be a 5 in reality. But she might believe she’s a 8. In that case she will never date anything less than a 8 because of her hypergamy. This is typical of most Western women. Specially college educated women. Because they mistakenly think their SMV go’s up like a man’s does with earning potential. It doesn’t. Combine that with years of feminist brainwashing. And a sense of entitlement because she’s told she’s special and the world is all about her happiness. And you have a shit storm. Specially in this hostile environment for men. Were talking to a girl who doesn’t find you attractive, is almost as bad as raping her behind a dumpster. The only difference between flirting and harassment is your attractiveness to her these days. No wonder guys don’t approach girls anymore. You might end up in prison.

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