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Getting out of the Shit Tier

Adaptability is one of the biggest strengths of men, and it is also arguably one of their biggest weaknesses. To put it simply, you can get used to more or less anything and before you know it, this environment will be your new normal. Anybody who has ever travelled to a poorer country probably knows this very well. At first you are perhaps taken aback by the local conditions, despite all your previous research, but then you get used to it. The same is true if you happen to spend a few nights at a really expensive hotel or resort. You will quickly adapt to it, and enjoy the amenities, before you return to your normal life again. The same principles apply elsewhere too, but it is often not easy to identify them. This includes sexual relationships, friendships, your place of work, your home, and basically anything you buy.

Vacations are temporary, and it is quite obvious when they start and end. Your day to day life, in contrast, is governed by routine. By and large, your working days will all be quite similar, your evenings during the week as well, and perhaps there is a bit of variety on the weekend, but not so much. No matter how you have structured your life, or even if you have not really structured it all that much, you have gotten used to it and you are comfortable with it. Any change, even for something clearly better, might cause you to feel at least a bit of discomfort.

Think about all the guys you know who are in bad relationships: they have girlfriends who disrespect them, lie, start fights over nothing, nag them incessantly, and cheat on them. Those women may also be at best average looking, and even if you have not had sex in a while, you would not bang them, if given the opportunity. As horrible as those women objectively are, a typical guy will just take it. Most divorces are initiated by women, and most breakups as well. Guys seem to somehow be able to deal with anything such women throw at them. Of course, those men suffer silently, but they still rather take the abuse than leave those women. Objectively speaking, being alone would be a huge improvement for them already, so even if they have not lined up a new girl yet — this is a strategy normally only pursued by women anyway — they could easily improve their situation by dumping their woman. Yet, only the rarest of guy seems to be able to understand this. As long as they are in a relationship with a toxic woman, they cling onto her, and only after at least a few months have passed after a breakup will they be able to tell you how bad that relationship really was.

A few years ago I took a new job. The company had paid for my relocation (this does not happen at shit-tier companies), and the first night I spent in a hotel with my then-girlfriend, now wife. We were in a suite that was so spacious that it took me a moment to properly process it. It was not even excessive, just a lot bigger than what I was used to. Also, for most of my adult life, I had lived in places that were a lot smaller than this suite. After we had unpacked, my girlfriend asked me whether I would like her to fill the bathtub for me. I did, and then it struck me that none of the other girls I ever dated showed a similar concern for my wellbeing. Most were only ever concerned about themselves. This was not even an exception for my girlfriend. It is simply part of her nature. Yet, if you do not experience this yourself, there is a chance that you think that women just do not care about their man at all and that, for instance, nagging is something you just need to live with.

There are also bad friendships, even though we probably should not refer to them as such. Maybe you have encountered such people yourself, i.e. guys who just want to leech off you but never really give anything back. They may even want to guilt trip you. I once had a supposed friend who at some point made it a habit to barge into my interactions with women in clubs, trying to steal them. He had model-esque looks (not so much anymore nowadays), but lacked the balls to approach girls himself, so he seemed to have thought that there is not really any downside for him: Heads, he wins. Tails, I lose. I looked past this a couple of times, and then I changed my tone. This is when the manipulation attempts started and he told me that I should be “willing to share” and not be “egoistical” because I can “always talk to a different girl” and that it is “so easy for me”. Eventually, I had my fill and cut this guy off, and of course this meant that I am the asshole. Quite related are guys why try to financially take advantage of you. They have interesting angles as well, such as claiming that the one who is currently doing the best should pay the restaurant bill for all and, of course, once they start raking in the money, they would not forget our generosity and treat us instead. Mr. Master of Arts in Egyptology may be charismatic and nice to have around but once such people flip to outright parasitism, you probably want to keep your distance. If you do not, they tend to only feel encouraged to leech off more and more, including a cab ride home.

I have been in the shit tier with regards to housing as well. When I did most of my philandering, I did not even have a proper place for myself. For the longest part, I had four flatmates, and the place was pretty messy. Granted, this is not at all uncommon in Berlin. In fact, it seems to have even gotten more common due to skyrocketing rents in recent years. One of the women living with us frequently forgot to check her items in the fridge, so quite frequently someone discovered something rotten in the fridge. It was absolutely gross (and also a great lesson about hygiene standards of women, which seem to often be far below men’s). In my room I think I only bought the desk and mattress new, and the other items I got either for free or bought used. Looking back, I can’t even imagine how I managed to live like that. The place looked like total crap.

Probably the worst part about shit-tier housing for me was that most women did not seem to care at all. (You probably would not care either about the substandard housing of a chick you only bang.) There were a few who did. A bunch thought that I needed to get my life together, saying that I really should not share a place with other people. Yet, there were two women who were completely taken aback by my living situation, and with both it took me a while to understand what actually happened. One chick I brought home after a date. She was completely into me, and the moment she stepped into my room, her demeanor completely changed. I think she even said, “What is this?” She was gone minutes later. Incidentally, this was a Finnish chick with a physique not unlike the ditz who currently presents as their PM. The other was a law student. She was also an interesting case because she was conflicted. While she was into me, she really did not like that I could not even afford my own place, and she made a few hints, without wanting to be too blunt about it. A few years later, this all made a lot more sense to me.

I still know adult men, and this includes guys who could afford their own place, who have room mates. I find this utterly bizarre. There is even one guy who often laments his poor luck with women and, quite frankly, partly this has to do with him sharing a flat with a bunch of guys, and it’s not even a particularly appealing place. He could just get himself a nice one-bedroom in a more modern development, enjoy the extra comfort and added privacy, and not have his living situation cock-block him. I only hinted at this in conversations with him, but he was always quick to dismiss it. In fact, he tells me that he likes living like that as it reminds him of his student days, which he claims to have enjoyed a lot.

Some guys also have a problem with getting rid of their shitty cars. They have driven some beater for ten years and somehow developed an emotional bond to it, and because they do not bother tallying up how much they pay for repairs, they think that holding on to their car is worth it. Yet, inevitably their car breaks down completely and they have to replace it. It is only at this point that they realize that they should have gotten rid of their car years ago already. My first car was a total piece of crap but good enough to get started. The worst part of it was clearing the windshield in winter and then dealing with poor visibility as the windshield was slowly freezing over again. Only after a while did the windshield clear up. I got used to that, but it was just an exercise in frustration. A somewhat better car with a heated windshield and seat heating would have been infinitely better. Looking back, I should have sold this car after two or three months.

Another serious issue is work, or your supposed “career”. In my very first job, I once had a supervisor who was an alcoholic. His behavior was erratic, and he got pretty upset when you did something differently than he had said — the catch is that he gave conflicting instructions and sometimes seem to completely have forgotten how exactly he wanted something to be done. There was also a female colleague who did not greet anybody and basically just barked at people. This was a completely horrible working environment. My father had the great idea that I should work so that I can appreciate the value of money but instead I got so turned off by this bullshit that I receded into academia, and ended up getting a few scholarships, so I guess this was not all bad. Yet, there are people who really endure shitty jobs and who think that this is just how it is supposed to be.

I later on had some pretty great jobs, some in which I was given incredible leeway, with a level of trust I was at first surprised by as well, such as my manager at some point checking in once a quarter because he was convinced that I could handle absolutely everything they throw at me. He said his door was always open if I needed help and as I did not need any help, I hardly ever saw the guy. In a more recent job, though, I got a new manager at some point, and it turned out to be a woman from the tribe. This went about as well as you can imagine. She also made a bunch of harebrained decisions as she was a diversity hire who had almost no domain knowledge, so much so that I had to get her manager involved to avoid the company losing a non-trivial amount of money. After that point, she tried making my life as unpleasant as possible but instead of suffering through this, I just looked for a new job, but not without taking copious amounts of fully-paid sick leave. Interestingly, I had peers back then who likewise complained a lot about her, and one guy was even more upset than I was. Yet, only after the announcement went out that I had resigned did it seem to have dawned on a few of those guys that they can also just resign. This sounds trivial, but it does not seem to be, in particular if you have a “track record” at some company, or think you do. I even recall someone telling me that I should just suck it up because the devil I know is better than the devil I don’t. However, there is a good chance that if you have a horrible manager you should be able to find a job with a less bad one somewhere else.

The bottom line is that no matter if you start out in the shit tier or happen to get pushed back to it, you should not try to learn to live with it. Yes, there can be great comfort due to familiarity, but you are still in a bad spot. Instead, you need be honest with yourself. If you were born into a really privileged background, you can probably sidestep the shit tier almost completely because money simply protects you from it. The exception are women. Probably “elite women” are worse than regular ones. The antics of Angelina Jolie or Amber Heard certainly seem to suggest it. Regular guys need to learn to deal with crap from women on top of all other aspects and often this means climbing out of some kind of hole. For some it is deeper, for others not so much. Yet, the trap of complacency awaits them on every rung of that ladder. First, you need to realize that you are in the shit tier, and this is where a lot of guys already struggle, and the next step is to want to get out of it. This is not easy, but once you manage it, you will look back and wonder how you ever managed to accept a certain kind of environment or treatment. You deserve better!

16 thoughts on “Getting out of the Shit Tier

  1. Having a roommate can enable you to afford nicer digs. Would you say it’s never advisable for post-30 guys to have a roommate? I’m about to move, and will probably have my own place, but have considered a roommate to be able to afford something nicer.

    1. The loss of privacy is arguably the biggest issue. Of course there is the economic argument, which is also the reason why I used to have roommates. However, the quality-of-life improvement of having your own place is quite substantial, which is the main point of my argument in this regard.

      Have you had roommates before?

  2. Yeah, I lived in the freshman dorm with a friend from high school, which was a massive mistake.

    I’ve had predominantly good experiences with roommates I suppose. I’d say sharing a bathroom is something I can’t abide by. I don’t wash my own clothes anymore, so sharing the laundry area is no longer a problem, but I acknowledge that was annoying in the past.

  3. To quote a film, “Hope. It’s the only thing more powerful than fear. A little bit of hope is effective. A lot is dangerous”

    The hardest part is getting out of the “self-improvement mentality” (“I need to be [more like] …”) and into the “goal-oriented mentality” (“I need to get [whatever] done.”).

    I realized that there were times in my life where I accepted something out of distress, be it a person vehicle that I purchased when my previous one suddenly died and lacked the funds for one I actually wanted, or a job I took while the economy was in a recession and I was unemployed and broke, or even a room share or apartment that I didn’t like but lacked better options at the time. Instead of sticking with it out of comfort, I should have made it my next goal to “trade up” once my finances, professional expertise, personal connections, etc. grew to set me up for long term well-being; instead of waiting for the next crisis to send me yet into another bad decision.

    Similar thing to personal relationships. It’s possible to be new in town or just desperate for intimacy and scraped up whoever from a Meetup or dating app, but use that experience and growing connections and command of the area to “trade up” to avoid the potential problems of as sticking to sub-par friends and lovers. I’ve also found myself in that same cycle too long in my life out of fear of going back to Square One.

    Be proactive, not reactive.

    1. The hardest part is getting out of the “self-improvement mentality” (“I need to be [more like] …”) and into the “goal-oriented mentality” (“I need to get [whatever] done.”).

      That’s a nice way of putting it. I know I achieved like 500x more when I made that shift.

    2. @AlekNovy

      During one of my past arguments with my mom,I remember saying this:

      “The Purpose of Discipline is to achieve results,not for the sake of discipline itself”

      To refine what I said further,I believe the real point of discipline is to develop the work ethic/perseverance/*insert whatever appropriate character trait* to be able to do the necessary work ethic to achieve your life goals.

      Lets take the 9-5 for example. Do you need the willingness and ability to handle that kind of workload in order to build your business up? Sure. I know its a harsh reality that you probably will need to do that much work TEMPORARILY in order to get to that place in life.

      But the keyword here is “temporary”. That does not mean you want to live like that for the rest of your life. My mom always seems to act like a Martyr for being more “disciplined” and “hard working” than my dad and I,yet look at where she’s ended up. In her mid 50’s still working late hours to make a paycheck. My dad on the other managed to make a hell of a lot of passive income in his business prime for at least 2 decades. (No longer the case though,shit happens in life. Hopefully he can manage to start up again…)

      I see the same thing with Athletes honestly. The mental grit to push past the physical pain and endure harsh workouts is a necessity to get to the top in Sports. You do that for too long however,and you will retire with permanent injuries and will have to endure everyday pain for the rest of your life. As an example,before the modern evolution of Boxing training,trainers would often have their students go to war with each other in the sparring ring. This resulted in many boxers retiring with Punch-Drunk syndrome,often without ever having touched a chance at a championship.

  4. Aaron,
    “Your working days will all be quite similar, your evenings during the week as well, and perhaps there is a bit of variety on the weekend, but not so much.”

    1. Do you ever get bored from the monotony? If so, are there any good ideas to break the cycle and make life a little bit more interesting and meaningful?

    “No matter how you have structured your life, or even if you have not really structured it all that much, you have gotten used to it and you are comfortable with it.”

    2. Should men step outside their comfort zone and experience new things in their life’s?

    3. There’s a rock-climbing gym in Berlin called Boulderklub Kreuzberg. It’s a fun sport, and a good stress reliever. I’ve rock-climb in the past. I’ve noticed that the neighborhood is somewhat run down in this part of Berlin.

    1. 1) Routine is part of our lives. Only very few people can truly sidestep it. I think the best solution is to find a place in life where you are happy. Maybe you like tending your garden, hiking in nature close to where you live, or have some hobbies you find fulfilling. You can stave off the problem of routine somewhat but eventually, it will catch up with you because you will eventually want to hold down a job, for instance, and you may also get tired from banging frequently changing women, too. However, there is a big difference between being pushed toward a routine you dislike and one you embrace.

      2) Yes, men should absolutely get a taste of what life has to offer. Your early 20s are probably the best time for that. To a limited extend, and only in some professions, you can also use your first few post-college years to see a bit more of the world by working in different countries.

      3) Kreuzberg is really run-down. When did you visit? It basically gets worse year after year. Amusingly, I have friends who tell me the opposite but their problem is that they simply got used to all the urban decay around them. This fits nicely with the theme of this article.

    2. I never been to Kreuzberg or Europe at all. I watch Rick Steves Europe travel show. I’m not sure if you have heard about it. This is where I learn about life in Europe. From there, I’ll start exploring other things in Europe. I went to google map and used their pegman to get a visual of the neighborhood.

    3. I’ve been wanting to go to Europe, but for the last few years I’ve been traveling to a lot of the US Federal National Parks. I enjoy camping and hiking in the wilderness. Its a good way getting away from civilization and technology. I actually enjoy primitive and bushcraft survival. I also enjoy running marathons, and I plan on going to London and Germany to run their marathons, but I’m hoping Europe wont reach a point where they will make the public have a covid passport. When I visit Europe, I’m making sure to meet up with you.

    4. I think Europe has much bigger problems than any b.s. Covid regulations. Sure, just reach out ahead of time!

  5. I thought the modus operant was too take ONS to hotels, so it didn’t matter if you live with roommates or even in moms basement !!!

    As far as cars, better to rent than too buy, just like all those low class rappers driving beemers the can never afford on public assistance!!!

    Rent a Tesla, then an audi and if you have balls like me, then a Lambo!!!

    No one will laugh if you have a t-gurl or ladyboy on your arm, they will just be jealous!!!

  6. @Maou

    This “martyr” complex is precisely what keeps talented people in shit tier jobs and relationships. It’s “who will do this if I’m not there?” bullshit.

    At the end of the day, nobody cares what you’ve endured, or how many people you’ve “helped”, but what overall value you delivered. It’s always a pain when someone praises or promotes a low-paying profession or low-growth industry because of some sentiment about how “hard” or how “critical for society” it is without any respect for market dynamics and actual business value delivered. There’s a reason cops get paid more than soldiers, despite both being “men in uniform”. There’s a reason the healthcare sector pays more than the education sector despite the “altruistic” nature of both domains, and that engineering jobs in tech and energy pay more than those in manufacturing and construction despite STEM being involved in all of them.

    Also, defensiveness about “special mission”. “I’ll stick to my low-paid or low-demand position in teaching or construction engineering because I’m not like those ‘douchebags’ in pharmacy, physical therapy, dentistry, banking, etc.” Guess what? If you’re finding that people less “intellectual” than you are making more and getting further in life in general … If you can’t beat them, join them!

    Instead of wasting valuable brainpower of “enrichment” activities such as bar trivia or museum events, go to medical school, law school, business school, etc. to show those idiots who’s boss. You’ll probably outdo them in those professions instead of sticking to your inefficient choices due to sunk cost fallacy.

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