One of the most persistent half-truths in the seduction and red pill communities is that confidence gets you laid. “Just be confident, bro!,” you were told. However, just like it was with the ever-elusive quality of having a sense of humor, unattractive men didn’t seem to be able to develop enough confidence to bang top models. Again, the problem is a fundamental misunderstanding of human behavior. Recall that a sense of humor does not get you laid. Instead, women find anything you say funny if they think you are hot. Below, I outline how confidence works.
Imagine you are a clueless virgin and you see Chad pulling one Stacy after another. You may think that this is because of his good looks. Then, some misguided PUA pulls you aside and tells you that looks don’t really matter, despite evidence to the contrary. He tells you that you need to look at what is really happening. The PUA goes on to explain that Chad bangs Stacy because of his confidence. Thus, the snake oil salesman continues, you need to develop confidence.
In order to strengthen his point, the PUA points out an attractive guy who is timid. Women around him giggle. They brush their tits against him, but the dude just doesn’t make a move. He may have watched too many movies and thus believe that a woman who really wants you will do all the work for you. Of course, this is not true at all. The conclusion to draw from the example of attractive guys who do not get laid is not that confidence itself will solve all your problems.
Instead, we face a small number of combinations. The first two are:
- attractive guy + makes a move = guy gets laid
- attractive guy + does not make a move = guy does not get laid
The third combination is self-evident, because if an attractive guy who does not make a move does not get laid, then:
- unattractive guy + does not make a move = guy does not get laid
Lastly, we are at the most interesting combination:
- unattractive guy + makes a move = ?
Guys, what is the result of this? Does anyone want to venture a guess? Here is a hint: the result is not that he will get laid like Chad. Confidence, i.e. having balls and making a move only works if she is into you. If she does not find you attractive but you make a move as bold as, say, touching her elbow or asking her where she’s from, you risk getting put on a sex offender list or even in jail.
The connection to anti-game is clear: all you attractive guys who do not get laid as much as you should will get dramatically improved results by simply escalating. That’s all there is to it. This is precisely why some people get good really quickly. Their only missing puzzle piece was that they had no clue that they cannot just stand there.
I have witnessed plenty of guys go from being relatively inexperienced to slayers within the course of weeks or months. Once I had a very good-looking client who used to get laid every once in a while because those women indeed did all the work for him. But even for a guy with great looks this does not happen all that often. We went out and within half an hour he had some tall, gorgeous chick talking to him. I observed him for a little bit but noticed that he’s only going to mess it up because he was acting cool and aloof. I pulled him aside and told him to just grab her and make out — mid-sentence, if needed. It worked like a charm. When he awkwardly leaned in, she shut up and just melted. It was a done deal at that point.
I have seen similar changes literally over a weekend with plenty of guys. Sometimes, I was out with some friends and acquaintances and just couldn’t stand seeing them fumbling around. It is painful to see that she’s completely into him and he’s fretting, wondering if she’s just being nice to him. I got some guys laid just by pushing chicks into their arms after they had been standing next to them for fifteen minutes or so.
Lack of confidence will wreck your chances if you don’t make a move, but confidence itself is pretty useless. I’d even say that unattractive guys can’t really be confident anyway because they will be perceived as creeps, weirdos, or sexual harassers. “Game” will land those guys in hot water. In contrast, “anti-game”, expressed as a lack of confidence, causes good-looking guys to go home empty-handed. This even happens to Chad.
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23 thoughts on “Anti-Game and The Problem of Lack of Confidence”
“I got some guys laid just by pushing chicks into their arms after they had been standing next to them for fifteen minutes or so.”
Listen, Sleazy, idk if you got the memo, but this is not the proper wing man strategy. You should have approached the set and told an awkward story about how your friend once saved litter of kittens from an exploding building, or something equally as ridiculous. The seduction was rushed in this case, therefore it does not count as a legitimate lay.
For anyone reading this who hasn’t been around in the early days of “game”: this is really how people argued. Fucking a chick quickly who was into you was not “game”. Instead, it was considered as “fool’s mate” and thus not worthy of a true PUA. On the old mASF forum, some people refered to me as the “king of the fool’s mate”, believing it to be disparaging. You could be forgiven for believing that guys were into “game” so that they could get laid. That was not at all their goal, though, as it was much more important to belong to a community and share its beliefs, no matter how misguided they may be.
confidence is just a reflection of your previous experience with women if you fuck women easily and a lot ,
Sure you will be confident because u know you can do it. On the other hand a guy with a hard time or zero experience knows differently and have a different evaluation of himself.
I have a buddy who’s pretty tall (6’2), but he walks over and has a hunch back. He’s has a gf and he was with her for 8 or so years and will be marrying her next year. He randomly says stupid stuff like oh if I was single again I’d fuck all these bitches. He’s not the best looking guy though. And at work he actually was accused for sexual harassment.
I’m not ugly but I’d say I’m average and at my office I say ridiculous shit to women and first with basically everyone, I even Hooked up with one girl at the office and was never accused of sexual harassment.
Reading this really reinforces that the more better looking you are the more you can get away with everything in life really.
I also have a buddy who’s a Chad basically 9/10 and he’s only had one girlfriend and fucked maybe 3 girls. He’s not married but he’s also an example to anti game. Crazy because he could’ve probably banged 100s of women.
Sorry lots of spelling mistakes. Wrote this in between sets. My buddy who’s a had is now married.
The ugly guy who got accused of sexual harassment is tall but has a hunch back a acts feminine in his body language. But around us he’s like alpha if fuck this and that bitch.
The issue with confidence is that it seems to be a “chicken or egg” problem.
You get attention from women because you are confident. But you can only be confident if you get attention from women. PUAs love this, because since this “problem” can never be solved on the “confidence yes/no”-level, they can keep using it. Their insurance policy of course is “looks don’t matter”.
The reality: Your confidence builds over time since you were a kid, because you look good. Halo effect and similar (parents treat better looking children better). You get so much good feedback over time, that it’s a self-enforcing pattern.
And then, it’s just a question of “do you get it”. Aaron’s good looking clients didn’t get it, so they needed a bit of a push (literally in some cases it seems^^).
A confident bad looking guy is a creep.
Once a school mate, who was not-so-good looking (I’m being diplomatic here), asked one of your students, if she liked anal sex. Everybody talked about this for months and how creeped out they were by him.
On the other hand, I’ve said shit like “I’m pretty sure girls enjoy titty fucks more than guys. I’d love to see a study on that” and the group’s reaction was giggling and shit. Needless to say, I look better thank him.
It’s all looks, looks, looks.
By the way, a nice little proof of “your looks are the cause of your confidence” is women hitting the wall.
After 15-20 years of continuously high levels of male attention they enjoy, their confidence has skyrocketed. Then they hit the wall and the attention fades.
Now the “fuel” for their confidence is gone. If confidence was an “inner value” then why are they getting so depressed?
Human confidence is a result of positive feedback they get from others. And that feedback again is dependent on looks.
It’s this simple.
This is a fantastic comment. I may use it for a future post. (I have not forgotten about that article on Antifa for my other blog. That one is coming, too.)
@ Neutralrandomthoughts: Spot on, dude!
Confidence Is A Lie
Confidence Is A Lie Part 2
Like your post.
It’s crazy, the videos you post are the same things I’ve already seen! I agree with you guys. My older sister scoffs at the club scene now. She used to love night clubs. Why the hate now? Simple. The wall. I always disliked clubs as most men do. That’s because we are not given the gold standard treatment. When girls hit the wall they actually find out what it’s like to be a man. No constant attention and free drinks.
I recently ran across this video detailing avoidant personality disorder:
I have a hunch that guys like me and many of the guys you refer to as lacking confidence might be suffering from something similar to this. A big issue with avoidant types is that they fear embarassment.
For me, this resonates because, for example, I’ve spent many hours practicing guitar and producing music. People who don’t know me very well are surprised when they hear what I’ve produced in my bedroom. However, I’ve never made an effort to promote my stuff or attempted to monetize my efforts in any way. There are many ways it could be done, but I’ve always wanted to work behind the scenes and remain anonymous out of fear of criticism or some other illogical reason.
This most certainly has affected my relationships with people in general. I could be almost certain some chick is interested, but I fear the social repercussions of being rejected. This kind of anxiety most certainly translates into anti-game as a consequence.
Btw, years of meditation and other froms of self-therapy have helped tremendously with generalized anxiety issues. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been right now due to a combination of reasons. Many are environmental and situational.
this is what i have ,it started when i caught a kissing disease in grade 4 after that i just became like this.
i started overreacting to embarrassments way over the line.
I see. I remember you bringing that up in a different context a little while back.
I have often times observed myself acting in ways that enhance the probabilty of negative social feedback. I’m not very familiar with CBT, but I imagine it’s similar to how I notice myself thinking, feeling or acting a certain way, then I consciously put a stop to it or replace the thought, feeling or action to get a better outcome. It’s almost as if my psyche has been wired to fuck things up for me so I can validate beliefs that are ultimately doing me a disservice.
Does this sound familiar to you?
usually when things get to a social level i just trained myself to shut my brain. this way i just avoid the exposure completely by staying mentally the fuck away and distancing myself.
it stops positive and negative encounters alike.
but you become lazy and miss out on opportunities
it really is automatic for me and i cant really deal with pressure at all because this avoidance kicks in and shut me down. all of this to avoid a potential bad social consequence. we basically shoot ourselves in the foot.
it just seems that the kissing disease has modified my reactions to threat from “acting the fastest i can or i will be fucked” to being paralyzed and this leads to avoidance because when you get paralyzed is where all those things you want to avoid happens. instead of owning it you fall to passivity.
I remember acting like an asshole on purpose in college when attractive girls were around. If I failed (which of course I did) I didn’t feel like a failure because the girls would think I didn’t give a fuck anyway. In my twisted mind that was a victory. I’ve mentioned in other discussions that if the girl did show interest I would “quit while I was ahead,” and go home empty handed. If girls would turn me down I wished that I didn’t even try because they knew I liked them, where if I didn’t try I thought that I would save face.
The thing about insecurity that most people don’t know is that everybody is insecure, especially women. Self conscious men assume women are all secure. Victims assume assholes are secure when they are the most insecure people out there. Bullies being the biggest pussys. Attaining that knowledge is the one thing that keeps my self esteem intact as I have been victimized plenty in my life.
Every time I tried to “game” a girl with talk it ended poorly. But if I just touched her it would work every time. And I mean EVERY time. One time at a party I rubbed a girl on her lower back and even slipped my fingers under her panties. She let me fucking do it. I have many examples of shit like this. It’s almost as if I talk to them, then I am wasting her time. I suck at talking to women. But if I touch them I have a record like Floyd Mayweather.
I also bought the “fools game” bullshit. I actually thought that if a girl liked me for my looks and not my personality, then I didn’t “earn it.” I don’t think it can be understated how destructive the PUA community had been.
Got that right. As usual, follow the money eh? Have you seen the price tag on those boot camps puas advertise? The industry is pure evil. It’s probably kinda like the blockchain/altcoin/scamcoin/shitcoin thing. The people in it are obviously scammers, but they don’t seem to KNOW they are scammers. I don’t think it matters.
I’ve heard of guys paying like 10 grand for that bullshit. And if it doesn’t work (which it doesn’t) then they say YOU are to blame, not their program. Then they sell you more snake oil. This is typical cult-like circular reasoning and indoctrination, not to mention abuse. They rig the game and empty pockets while they’re at it. Face and LMS talked about this in one of his videos
However, I never gave those assholes any of my money. My problem with them is that their ideas permeated society and spread to people (like myself) who didn’t even read their trash. It was in popular culture, men’s magazines etc. These ideas held me back in a way even though they didn’t financially scam me.
They read ”The 48 Laws of Power” and manipulate guys like us.
Next time i will punch Mystery and Beckster on face.