One of the most persistent half-truths in the seduction and red pill communities is that confidence gets you laid. “Just be confident, bro!,” you were told. However, just like it was with the ever-elusive quality of having a sense of humor, unattractive men didn’t seem to be able to develop enough confidence to bang top models. Again, the problem is a fundamental misunderstanding of human behavior. Recall that a sense of humor does not get you laid. Instead, women find anything you say funny if they think you are hot. Below, I outline how confidence works.
Imagine you are a clueless virgin and you see Chad pulling one Stacy after another. You may think that this is because of his good looks. Then, some misguided PUA pulls you aside and tells you that looks don’t really matter, despite evidence to the contrary. He tells you that you need to look at what is really happening. The PUA goes on to explain that Chad bangs Stacy because of his confidence. Thus, the snake oil salesman continues, you need to develop confidence.
In order to strengthen his point, the PUA points out an attractive guy who is timid. Women around him giggle. They brush their tits against him, but the dude just doesn’t make a move. He may have watched too many movies and thus believe that a woman who really wants you will do all the work for you. Of course, this is not true at all. The conclusion to draw from the example of attractive guys who do not get laid is not that confidence itself will solve all your problems.
Instead, we face a small number of combinations. The first two are:
- attractive guy + makes a move = guy gets laid
- attractive guy + does not make a move = guy does not get laid
The third combination is self-evident, because if an attractive guy who does not make a move does not get laid, then:
- unattractive guy + does not make a move = guy does not get laid
Lastly, we are at the most interesting combination:
- unattractive guy + makes a move = ?
Guys, what is the result of this? Does anyone want to venture a guess? Here is a hint: the result is not that he will get laid like Chad. Confidence, i.e. having balls and making a move only works if she is into you. If she does not find you attractive but you make a move as bold as, say, touching her elbow or asking her where she’s from, you risk getting put on a sex offender list or even in jail.
The connection to anti-game is clear: all you attractive guys who do not get laid as much as you should will get dramatically improved results by simply escalating. That’s all there is to it. This is precisely why some people get good really quickly. Their only missing puzzle piece was that they had no clue that they cannot just stand there.
I have witnessed plenty of guys go from being relatively inexperienced to slayers within the course of weeks or months. Once I had a very good-looking client who used to get laid every once in a while because those women indeed did all the work for him. But even for a guy with great looks this does not happen all that often. We went out and within half an hour he had some tall, gorgeous chick talking to him. I observed him for a little bit but noticed that he’s only going to mess it up because he was acting cool and aloof. I pulled him aside and told him to just grab her and make out — mid-sentence, if needed. It worked like a charm. When he awkwardly leaned in, she shut up and just melted. It was a done deal at that point.
I have seen similar changes literally over a weekend with plenty of guys. Sometimes, I was out with some friends and acquaintances and just couldn’t stand seeing them fumbling around. It is painful to see that she’s completely into him and he’s fretting, wondering if she’s just being nice to him. I got some guys laid just by pushing chicks into their arms after they had been standing next to them for fifteen minutes or so.
Lack of confidence will wreck your chances if you don’t make a move, but confidence itself is pretty useless. I’d even say that unattractive guys can’t really be confident anyway because they will be perceived as creeps, weirdos, or sexual harassers. “Game” will land those guys in hot water. In contrast, “anti-game”, expressed as a lack of confidence, causes good-looking guys to go home empty-handed. This even happens to Chad.
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