Today I witnessed an interaction between a young man and a woman that perfectly illustrates anti-game. I was at the library to return some books. As I did so, a guy and a girl just got up from their table. It seems they just wrapped up working on an assignment. This being Sweden, they of course talked in the library. After mutual affirmation of how well their silly, little project went, the girl asked the guy about his plans for the evening. This is where things got interesting.
Well, first I sat down at the closest table and pretended to do some work on my laptop while those two fumbled around. Upon being asked about his plans, the guy gave some nondescript answers. The girl interrupted him quickly and stated,
“I have no plans for tonight!”
This is quite an announcement. In fact, it is an obvious hint that she wanted him to ask her to hang out. I bet she was hoping for some “Netflix and chill”. The average woman will pretend that she is always busy and if she’s not then it’s because she’s specifically making time for you. Here, you have a woman telling the guy that she is his for the taking.
In response, the guy then said something along the lines of that it’s nice to have an evening for yourself and that he has to get going. Then he left. The chick blurted out a, “have fun, see you tomorrow!” and then he was gone. In her mind, she has literally thrown herself at him. She’ll probably make a few more attempts, but if he does not make a move, then this will be it.
The guy was pretty good-looking. She was likewise quite attractive. Chad did not bite, though. Granted, I obviously do not know if the guy was into her but just didn’t notice her offer or whether he was not interested in her, or possibly even in women in general. In this day and age, with more and more men going their own way, it is certainly possible that he just didn’t want to bother. Then again, how come he ended up in a group assignment with her? I have never taken a class in which people were randomly paired up. In any case, this guy’s inactivity is a prime example of “anti-game”. As I’m writing this post, he could probably have her riding his dick in his apartment if he wanted to. I hope he’s not sitting at home now, wondering how to make a move.
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24 thoughts on “A Great Example of Anti-Game”
Looks of disgust everywhere!
i see you are back.
The Ugly Truth:
I think you criminally underestimate who many guys behave like that. I belive that kept the PUA community alive for a while. You had some attractive guys who finally started to approach and escalate and they thought that pick up is “working”. I know it was like that for me.
I wonder if Lisbon’s main issue is that he is oblivious to all subject matter. It must be hard to hold a conversation when you can’t pay attention to what someone is saying.
It is not necessary to be a good conversationalist to get laid though, especially in night clubs. And Lisbon told us earlier that he got an extended make out with a model quality chick in a club, so we know he has tried club game.
His sticking point is more likely that he has a very masculine aura and is ethnic, so he should do douchebag game a’la Scotty Flamingo and pull adventurous girls who want to be “blacked”, but he doesn’t know how to escalate and isolate properly when he gets an opportunity with such a girl.
If he can get a make out with an 8/10 while the whole club is watching he should be able to get a 7/10 to a private spot and bang her. If he can identify the girls who want to be plowed by a masculine brown man, that is.
This is exactly right. Lisbon could pull off “thug game” with ease. He is an excellent example of a guy with anti-game.
The concept of “anti game” is really good.
Sadly, I realize I may have first class anti game.
Not so different from your post, I struck up a conversation with a woman headed home from the beach this summer. After introducing myself, we walked and talked for a while and among other things, I asked what she was up to that night – this on a weekend evening. She said she was going to some electronic store to buy some accessory for her phone.
Me, being the idiot that I am, didn’t take the hint and I thought it was a “win” when I got her number.
It wasn’t … never heard from her.
How is that anti game? You were under the false impression that it was a win, but the act of getting her number and messaging her cost you almost nothing. I don’t see any harm in messaging a chick who didn’t show tons of interest. You might get lucky now and then. Are you saying you should have escalated while you were walking?
“It is not necessary to be a good conversationalist to get laid though, especially in night clubs.”
True. I just roll my eyes when I read a post, scroll down to the comments and see some cliche black pill reference that has little to nothing to do with the post, followed by an (what I assume to be) off topic youtube link.
“It’s over!” f.e. like, what do you mean? The college kid in the post is just beginning, it isn’t over for him. He just had some chick throwing herself at him and he didn’t know what to do.
My point is, try adding something to the conversation. I mean, just attempt it. You don’t have to succeed, but at least try. And post off topic (what I assume to be, since Lisbon didn’t post any contextual information along with the video) links in the open thread.
This is a good point.
Hopefully that guy at the library goes home, and like me realizes that he blew it and tries something different next time.
I think the biggest problem for guys like myself with anti-game is that we see positive feedback from girls as a win in and of itself. We don’t push the envelope because we want it to end on a high note. Then we can just go home and masturbate like fucking losers when we should be winners. It might have to do with abandonment issues. I know I have my own. As strange as it sounds, success is uncomfortable for people like us. We’d rather declare victory and go home……..then live in a goddamn world of regret.
Ok, my gut has been officially spilled ?
But that’s why I’m here. To fix this mess.
This is also a common phenomenon — I have a section on this problem in my upcoming book on online game, too. The problem is that guys rather enjoy the attention in the present, because it is certain, as opposed to an uncertain future where they could actually have sex with those women. It’s due to wanting to avoid rejection, so those guys, due to their passivity, only make the girl reject them gradually.
“The problem is that guys rather enjoy the attention in the present, because it is certain, as opposed to an uncertain future where they could actually have sex with those women.”
Believe it or not I recall TylerDurden saying precisely this many many years ago. Hey occasionally even PUAs get shit right.
All this PUA shit and girls chasing in general (and just life too, of course) led me to gradually uncover and work through my psychological/emotional “stuff.”
After reading over this again I have to share another anti-game experience. In a college class I sat next to this gorgeous serrority girl (probably on purpose). When we were supposed to be paired off on a project I stared straight forward. I guess I was waiting for her to say something. She looked over and I just kept staring forward expecting her to do everything until some other guy took initiative. I guess it’s like Aaron has suggested I am one of those guys that thinks it’s like the movies.
Later that semester I walked past her desk after class was over and her water bottle “just happened” to fall right in front of me. Of course I picked it up for her and put it back on her desk. She thanked me with a huge flirtatious smile. I said your welcome and left. I could never pick up on the signals back then. Women need to be a little more straight forward, but I was a pathetic mess.
*Sorority…..goddamn my spelling sucks.
Movie brainwashing is really effective. The default assumption of young men is that women initiate everything. Granted, you can’t blame them much for it because they likely did not encounter any real male role models in their life. Add to that absent fathers and a dearth of male authority figures, and you end up with guys who are severely disadvantaged in dating. Only a minority of guys get brought up properly, it seems, and even those often have conflicting ideas in their head, thanks to societal indoctrination.
Aaron you hit the nail on the head. My mom left my dad when I was 7 years old. Less than a year later my maternal grandfather died. I never knew my dad’s father. I had almost zero male influence for most of my life. My dad and my grandpa were real men. I think I inherited their looks and masculinity but had no guidance. My mom and 2 older sisters foisted feminist propaganda down my throat, but I just never bought it. That and their narcissistic abuse really did a number on me. Add to that the media, Hollywood, academia and we have a perfect fucking storm.
Thanks for listening, Aaron. I know I’m fucked up, but you guys have been really cool unlike most online communities. Let me quote Frank Sinatra again from “That’s Life.”
“I thought about quiting…….. but my heart just won’t buy it!”
I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself on my site. I try to foster a culture of free speech and brutal honesty. We do get the occasional trolls, concern trolls, and blue-pilled cucks, but they don’t last long. Also, there are quite a few toxic comments that never get approved. Some moderation is indeed necessary. I receive insults on a pretty regular basis (fun fact: if it’s incoherent, emotionalized rambling, the author is most certainly a woman). You get used to it and just shrug it off.
Can you expound on how you worked through your emotional and psychological stuff? If you don’t want to I understand.
I’ve seen 2 therapists in my life. Not sure how much it helped. The second one did let me speak a lot. She was more about listening than giving me advice. Then I left my job and my insurance with it.
That is a hard thing to convey by text for me and I don’t have a lot of time to comment, so I’ll try to say something very briefly.
1. Psychospiritual growth is something we’re all going through. It’s a natural process. Your goal is to find way to accelerated it.
2. Specific methods I used and still use: mindfulness meditation, expressive writing (write about what you’re feeling without reservation), working with a psychotherapist, behavioral approaches where I simply do the things that scare me and then soothe my anxiety.
Basically I developed a perfectionistic and people-pleasing personality which led to A LOT of anxiety and many physical symptoms like pain and more (yes the psychological impacts the physical and vice versa. Another way to think about it is excessive if not pathological conscientious.
Often this kind of thing originates in childhood when we have parents who are very critical: “Why did you only get 98 out of a 100 on that test?”
Also I had many unprocessed emotions related to my parents’ divorce when I was a kid and a few other things. Basically when stressful events happened in my childhood I would suppress my emotions and just move on with life, but that sort of thing catches up with you. Sometimes rather quickly and forcefully.
Anyway that’s just a brief sketch, but I hope it helps you in some way.
I actually stopped all online communication years ago because of the toxicity. But real men don’t behave that way. They were probably just dorks in their mom’s basement. I have learned so much over the past few years. The greatest lesson I learned was the difference between confidence and arrogance. Thank you Aaron for managing a great site.
Thanks GMoney it’s a never ending process but I will continue to work on myself. That’s how I found out about this site.