When I was approached to write an analysis on domestic violence, I was asked to illuminate why women stay in long-term relationships with abusive men. However, domestic violence is not at all an exclusively male-to-female problem. Women physically (and verbally) abuse men. Furthermore, lesbians are infamous for very high incident rates of domestic violence, far exceeding the self-reported domestic violence experienced by women in heterosexual relationships. I will still mainly focus on the male-to-female angle, but add a remark on men who stay with abusive women at the end.
In the ancestral environment, physical strength used to be of paramount importance. Ceteris paribus, a taller, stronger man was a better provider, and the same genetic programming is still active in modern women, even though evolutionary psychologists sometime waffle about the “sexy son” hypothesis, claiming that women want attractive men not for themselves but because they want to have sons who are tall and handsome. Occam’s razor leads me to believe that this is at best a secondary effect because women first and foremost want a tall and handsome man for themselves, just as you want a hot chick rather than an ugly one, simply because you find them more attractive.
Strength and height alone did not help you much with protecting your tribe if you were not willing to use them to your advantage. Thus, a low degree of inhibition, which women today still find highly attractive, is necessary too. PUAs of yore used to have a shtick where they pointed to an attractive but passive man and their lack of success with women as an example for why looks do not matter when in reality, all your genetic gifts only matter if you are able to properly utilize them. Talents are easy to waste, and if you do not use your genetic giftedness to your advantage, it is a bit as if you did not have them. Of course, an important caveat is that good genes will sometimes make women approach you, but this still falls far short of the potential a passive Chad could have if he only mustered up the courage to talk to women.
A low degree of inhibition has a downside as it makes people flare up. The more civilized men among us may have learned to control their impulses, but probably you have been in situations where you would have liked to insult or shove or punch someone. Instead, you suppressed these emotions. In civilized society, this is surely the better outcome. In contrast, however, there are guys who aggressively confront others when they are getting annoyed, and for some this does not take much at all. Surely, you have witnessed an upset customer berate a waiter, clerk, bank teller, or some other hapless service-sector worker. Put the same guy, or girl, into a club, add drugs or alcohol, and people can get really aggressive. I have not witnessed a large number of fights, but they are not nearly as rare as you may think, albeit I had to say that there is a somewhat humorous element when two women fight over a man.
Try putting yourself into the post of a woman with low impulse control, i.e. the kind of chick who grabs a guy’s crotch in the club when she is horny, fucks random dudes on a whim, gets tattoos spontaneously, takes drugs or drinks copious amounts of alcohol because she feels like it, buys shoes or clothes because she wants them even if she cannot really afford them, or aggressively lashes out at her environment if she does not get her way. In the end, we are more likely to be attracted to people we are similar to, so such a woman will be more attracted to a man who likewise has poor impulse control. Thus, those women often end up in a relationship with a guy with poor impulse control. Those women like the aggression their men display. You should also keep in mind that nowadays nobody forces women to get into relationships with men they do not like anymore. Consequently, any woman who is in a relationship with a potentially dangerous man is so on her own volition. She wants to be with that kind of guy, and she probably went through a lot of men to find a violent thug to fall in love with. The other guys she met just did not make her ‘gina tingle.
I have had a few encounters with women who were looking for a violent man. One I picked up in a club and back at her place, she wanted me to rough her up. Imagine a woman slapping your face once or twice, as hard as she can, telling you to hit her back, and insulting you because you do not! A woman slapping you does not hurt but I can certainly see how this could prompt guys to be more aggressive in return. You would be insane to engage in that kind of activity, though. She can tell you all she wants about how she finds it arousing to look at bruises on her body because all it takes is her going to the police the next day and accusing you of rape. Another woman I briefly dated turned into a much different person after a few weeks. More concretely, she simply stopped pretending to be someone else. After a torrent of abuse one day, I eventually got up, looked her sternly in the eyes and said that this is enough. She was blocking the door to the hallway and as I wanted to leave her apartment, I was walking towards her. In response, she got soft in the knees, blushed, put one hand between her legs, and asked, in a visibly aroused tone, “Are you now going to hit me?” It was a complete shift in behavior and body language. The thought of getting beaten up by her man sexually aroused this woman. To get out, I needed to gently move her aside. She scratched my wrist to make it bleed and then bit my arm like a rabid dog. Thus, I had to push her away in self defense. (Afterwards, she sunk to the floor, crying, and begging me not to leave her.)
There are some genuinely crazy women out there. Yet, they seem only crazy to you. Surely, there are other men who, when pushed by their woman, tell her, “That’s it, bitch!”, and give her five across the face, and more if she does not shut up. In such relationships, this is simply part of the emotional ebb and tide, followed by periods of equilibrium. At some point, the woman probably needs to feel that she is with a violent man, and if he lays his hands on her, what more could he do to someone else? I am not writing this sarcastically, as this is the setup to the next point: I do not think that you can necessarily view women as victims of domestic violence. At best, there is a co-dependence. Remember that she can always leave and, furthermore, there were undoubtedly countless warning signs that her thug boyfriend is violent. Yet, sometimes, men in violent relationships are victims. In fact, some women put the life of their men at risk. I think some of you have encountered this yourself. Sometimes, when you go out, women hit on you who have a boyfriend in the venue. They may even hit on you right on front of their boyfriend. She does this not in order to disrespect their guy, at least not normally, but instead she wants to test his “masculinity”. She is literally looking for a guy her boyfriend could beat up, and if he doesn’t, well, then she may just move on to the other guy and let him fuck her. Sometimes, modern dating is like in the animal kingdom.
Lastly, there is the issue of the man in the relationship. If he is not leaving, he is probably quite happy with being verbally and physically abused. Yet, there is a particular kind of man who is simply unable to stand up for themselves. I think that those relationships will fail at some point because the woman is not getting her irrational needs met. Eventually, she will get fed up with the passivity of her man and look for someone else. I think that a less extreme version of this is emotional abuse via cucking where the woman wants to “open the relationship” or make her boyfriend watch her fuck other dudes. In this case, she is no longer emotionally invested in her main guy at all and if she sticks around, it is probably only for him to provide an outlet for her sadism.
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