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The Stable Equilibirium of Domestic Violence

When I was approached to write an analysis on domestic violence, I was asked to illuminate why women stay in long-term relationships with abusive men. However, domestic violence is not at all an exclusively male-to-female problem. Women physically (and verbally) abuse men. Furthermore, lesbians are infamous for very high incident rates of domestic violence, far exceeding the self-reported domestic violence experienced by women in heterosexual relationships. I will still mainly focus on the male-to-female angle, but add a remark on men who stay with abusive women at the end.

In the ancestral environment, physical strength used to be of paramount importance. Ceteris paribus, a taller, stronger man was a better provider, and the same genetic programming is still active in modern women, even though evolutionary psychologists sometime waffle about the “sexy son” hypothesis, claiming that women want attractive men not for themselves but because they want to have sons who are tall and handsome. Occam’s razor leads me to believe that this is at best a secondary effect because women first and foremost want a tall and handsome man for themselves, just as you want a hot chick rather than an ugly one, simply because you find them more attractive.

Strength and height alone did not help you much with protecting your tribe if you were not willing to use them to your advantage. Thus, a low degree of inhibition, which women today still find highly attractive, is necessary too. PUAs of yore used to have a shtick where they pointed to an attractive but passive man and their lack of success with women as an example for why looks do not matter when in reality, all your genetic gifts only matter if you are able to properly utilize them. Talents are easy to waste, and if you do not use your genetic giftedness to your advantage, it is a bit as if you did not have them. Of course, an important caveat is that good genes will sometimes make women approach you, but this still falls far short of the potential a passive Chad could have if he only mustered up the courage to talk to women.

A low degree of inhibition has a downside as it makes people flare up. The more civilized men among us may have learned to control their impulses, but probably you have been in situations where you would have liked to insult or shove or punch someone. Instead, you suppressed these emotions. In civilized society, this is surely the better outcome. In contrast, however, there are guys who aggressively confront others when they are getting annoyed, and for some this does not take much at all. Surely, you have witnessed an upset customer berate a waiter, clerk, bank teller, or some other hapless service-sector worker. Put the same guy, or girl, into a club, add drugs or alcohol, and people can get really aggressive. I have not witnessed a large number of fights, but they are not nearly as rare as you may think, albeit I had to say that there is a somewhat humorous element when two women fight over a man.

Try putting yourself into the post of a woman with low impulse control, i.e. the kind of chick who grabs a guy’s crotch in the club when she is horny, fucks random dudes on a whim, gets tattoos spontaneously, takes drugs or drinks copious amounts of alcohol because she feels like it, buys shoes or clothes because she wants them even if she cannot really afford them, or aggressively lashes out at her environment if she does not get her way. In the end, we are more likely to be attracted to people we are similar to, so such a woman will be more attracted to a man who likewise has poor impulse control. Thus, those women often end up in a relationship with a guy with poor impulse control. Those women like the aggression their men display. You should also keep in mind that nowadays nobody forces women to get into relationships with men they do not like anymore. Consequently, any woman who is in a relationship with a potentially dangerous man is so on her own volition. She wants to be with that kind of guy, and she probably went through a lot of men to find a violent thug to fall in love with. The other guys she met just did not make her ‘gina tingle.

I have had a few encounters with women who were looking for a violent man. One I picked up in a club and back at her place, she wanted me to rough her up. Imagine a woman slapping your face once or twice, as hard as she can, telling you to hit her back, and insulting you because you do not! A woman slapping you does not hurt but I can certainly see how this could prompt guys to be more aggressive in return. You would be insane to engage in that kind of activity, though. She can tell you all she wants about how she finds it arousing to look at bruises on her body because all it takes is her going to the police the next day and accusing you of rape. Another woman I briefly dated turned into a much different person after a few weeks. More concretely, she simply stopped pretending to be someone else. After a torrent of abuse one day, I eventually got up, looked her sternly in the eyes and said that this is enough. She was blocking the door to the hallway and as I wanted to leave her apartment, I was walking towards her. In response, she got soft in the knees, blushed, put one hand between her legs, and asked, in a visibly aroused tone, “Are you now going to hit me?” It was a complete shift in behavior and body language. The thought of getting beaten up by her man sexually aroused this woman. To get out, I needed to gently move her aside. She scratched my wrist to make it bleed and then bit my arm like a rabid dog. Thus, I had to push her away in self defense. (Afterwards, she sunk to the floor, crying, and begging me not to leave her.)

There are some genuinely crazy women out there. Yet, they seem only crazy to you. Surely, there are other men who, when pushed by their woman, tell her, “That’s it, bitch!”, and give her five across the face, and more if she does not shut up. In such relationships, this is simply part of the emotional ebb and tide, followed by periods of equilibrium. At some point, the woman probably needs to feel that she is with a violent man, and if he lays his hands on her, what more could he do to someone else? I am not writing this sarcastically, as this is the setup to the next point: I do not think that you can necessarily view women as victims of domestic violence. At best, there is a co-dependence. Remember that she can always leave and, furthermore, there were undoubtedly countless warning signs that her thug boyfriend is violent. Yet, sometimes, men in violent relationships are victims. In fact, some women put the life of their men at risk. I think some of you have encountered this yourself. Sometimes, when you go out, women hit on you who have a boyfriend in the venue. They may even hit on you right on front of their boyfriend. She does this not in order to disrespect their guy, at least not normally, but instead she wants to test his “masculinity”. She is literally looking for a guy her boyfriend could beat up, and if he doesn’t, well, then she may just move on to the other guy and let him fuck her. Sometimes, modern dating is like in the animal kingdom.

Lastly, there is the issue of the man in the relationship. If he is not leaving, he is probably quite happy with being verbally and physically abused. Yet, there is a particular kind of man who is simply unable to stand up for themselves. I think that those relationships will fail at some point because the woman is not getting her irrational needs met. Eventually, she will get fed up with the passivity of her man and look for someone else. I think that a less extreme version of this is emotional abuse via cucking where the woman wants to “open the relationship” or make her boyfriend watch her fuck other dudes. In this case, she is no longer emotionally invested in her main guy at all and if she sticks around, it is probably only for him to provide an outlet for her sadism.

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8 thoughts on “The Stable Equilibirium of Domestic Violence

  1. This article ia very ad-hoc with the recent wave of #MeToo related accusations in the country (bear in mind that for our scale, a tweet with 100 retweets and 400 Likes can be considered “viral”).

    In this discussion, we have to consider the caveat of women with children. One wonders how many red flags they must’ve possibly overlooked before getting knocked up for the first time, but yeah, I can see genuine and justified thoughts of not wanting to leave the poor squirts fatherless, or worrying for what they’re going to eat tomorrow if her thug is the only breadwinner.

    Other than that, are you fucking kidding me? Most of the accusations I’ve seen seem genuine enough, with screenshots aplenty and sometimes after-beating pics. But we’re talking mostly about well-to-do girls, with masculine presence in the family who could protect them, dating well-to-do handsome bro-dudes (I refuse to call them jocks because they usually haven’t seemed all that athletic or buff to me) who prance around with daddy’s gifted truck and daddy’s money. Of course they’re good-looking, and of course they’ve got money (with some exceptions where the guy leeched off her, but by no means they were dirt-poor).

    Other than the occasional cases of pedophiles, I have little sympathy for these poor hapless wymmyns suffering the Passion of the Chad, or the supposed emotional grip their wifebeaters had over them. There’s no excuse to excuse behavior worthy of like 7 restraining orders before finally saying “basta”.

  2. Forgot to add, several of the guys were repeat offenders, with more than one girl accsuing them, in a city that isn’t so large that word doesn’t get around about pampered little shits who would be bottom bitches in any prison gen-pop being abusive with their girlfriends.

  3. Aaron,
    “…those women often end up in a relationship with a guy with poor impulse control. Those women like the aggression their men display.”

    1. I’ve known many women who repeatedly break up with their boyfriend because he’s abusive, and repeatedly reconcile with them again. The abuse is never ending. Once the woman does decide to leave permanently, they enter a new abusive relationship. What I don’t quite understand is the complaining they do. They spout out all these affirmations like, “I will not tolerate this or that because I’m beautiful and I deserve the best, I will set boundaries, I’m a queen” and so on. Yet, they continue on the same path. I guess the like being abused to much that it validates their existence.

    2. I’ve also seen to some beta males come to the rescue of an abusive woman. Funny enough, I’ve seen a few betas males assert dominance over the abusive boyfriend trying to rescue The Damsel in Distress. I guess seeing a woman hopeless and in distress does appeal to their protectors’ instincts as it gets their juices going.

    “In the end, we are more likely to be attracted to people we are similar to, so such a woman will be more attracted to a man who likewise has poor impulse control.”
    3. I’ve also seen the opposite in which stable women come from stables homes whose parents are still together end up with abusive boyfriends. Were these women oblivious to the early signs of their abusive boyfriend because they wanted some kind of thrill that stable Chad was a little to boring?

    “Imagine a woman slapping your face once or twice, as hard as she can, telling you to hit her back, and insulting you because you do not!”
    “At some point, the woman probably needs to feel that she is with a violent man…”

    4. In cases like these, are women often trying to provoke their man to hit her because it’s a power grab or merely a sexual arousal as you stated? I’ve seen women provoke their abusive boyfriend, she gets hit, she calls the police, the boyfriend goes jail, they break up, they reconcile and then the same pattern repeats itself again. They complain incessantly about the abuse and ultimately end up with a beta male who ends up being the victim of abuse. They can’t seem to learn.

    5. Are most of these women who seek out these types of relationships Cluster-B who came from broken homes?

    6. If a woman discloses her past about being in abusive relationships to a new romantic and/or sexual partner is this a way of letting her new partner know that she finds this kind of relationship attractive, or is it merely to solicit sympathy as a power grab as well?

    7. Lastly, I haven’t found any good research on evolutionary psychology why men often kill their significant other. This goes against natural selection since she’s rearing his kids. In the latest case, you have Gabby Petito who was killed by her boyfriend in Wyoming. In the contrary, you also have women who kill their abusive boyfriend. These women claim that they killed their boyfriend because he was abusive. Ironically, these women sought out these relationships to begin with.

    1. @Chris

      I can speak to point 7, about the men killing their significant other. Cross-culturally, actual deadly physical violence from men against women usually boils down to jealousy, either because the man has found out his woman has cheated on him, or at least he strongly suspects this to be the case. Paternal uncertainty means that an unreliable woman should not be trusted to carry on your genes, so you should not invest in her. Pump & dump is still a viable low-cost strategy, but men dont kill usually those.

      My reading is they are much more likely to kill a woman they are in a LTR with, this means they have invested a lot of effort and resources in her so that she will give birth to his legitimate children. Once the guy finds out all this sunk cost is worthless or worse, its not difficult to see how some could fly off the handle.

      In that case, the children might not even be his to begin with. Alternatively, after a relatively short early infancy, the mother becomes proportionally much less relevant in a sociedty where the extended family would help with raising the kids.

      Last point, killing unfaithful women (and their lovers, if caught) could also act as a deterrent for other women thinking about the same, so it could be positively adaptive for the larger group. There used to be laws against that, and in some countries there still are.

    2. Before going through your questions, I should probably point out that I in no way want to make excuses for men who beat up their wives or girlfriends. This issue is unrelated to my article.

      1) They use the poor treatment they receive as a means to get sympathy from others. Also, those women surely enjoy the attention they are getting. For a more extreme example of this, look into women who have falsely accused men of rape. They get emotional orgasms from all the (positive) attention they are showered with.

      2) Those betas are playing with their lives. Getting involved in a fight between a couple is one of the dumbest things you can do because the most likely outcome is that the couple will gang up on them.

      3) Those women probably are lusting for a thug. Do not get misled by a woman’s supposedly good background. In fact, I think the biggest sluts are to be found in middle class families and above as they have the means to travel or study abroad, or spend a few years finding themselves on their back. I wrote an article on this issue a few years ago:

      4) It’s probably a combination of sexual arousal as well as some kind of elaborate game, in the case of women who repeatedly engage in the same behavior. For them, it is simply an emotional roller coaster.

      5) I think that Cluster B-type women, regardless of whether they come from broken homes or not, are overrepresented in this demographic. This would be a great subject for an academic study, but unfortunately this kind of research is completely off-limits.

      6) I think it is to elicit sympathy during the time of the reveal. Also, if all her guys have been jerks, then how come she is picking one jerk after another? As you wrote above, I likewise think that women are unable to change what they are attracted to.

      7) I do not know enough to comment on this. First, I would question if men really “often” kill their significant other. I also do not know enough about the Gabby Petito case. As long as the public is deliberately being left in the dark about possible motives of the killer, we can only speculate. However, I can certainly imagine reasons that might make a man kill their significant other. Think of fraud and deception, in short, anything that would wreck his life. Let’s say she empties out the joint bank account, false accuses him of rape, and reveals that the kids he thought were his were really from Chad and Tyrone. Again, I do not want to make any excuses for murder, but it does not take much speculation to assume that a man pushed far enough will hit back. (This is also what our elites are so afraid of, which is one of the reasons behind the systematic feminization and suppression of men.)

    3. As far as point #7 goes, and as you point out not wanting to make excused for something as extreme as murder, I would have to seriously doubt that the motives of this particular man were born out of a vacuum. He doesn’t fit the serial killer profile for one. I would imagine those types generally seek out and carefully stalk their victims, and would almost never target someone that could be linked back to them. He certainly doesn’t fit the profile of one of the impulsive murder types either, if you know what I’m driving at.

    4. I fully agree. Also, if this guy was a genuinely deranged individual, we would have heard about it. It is not at all implausible that she caused him significant financial loss or emotional harm. It is not plausible that normies turn into killers on a whim. He also did not do a proper job, so I do not think that it was premeditated at all.

  4. This thread makes me want to stay a virgin.

    It is even more horrified than the current book I am reading on trench warfare in WW1.

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