A few concepts old-school PUAs introduced are valid, such as “one-itis”, i.e. obsessing about a particular girl. In this particular scene, though, this meant PUAs obsessing about more or less any girl who gave them any kind of attention at all. You had guys report about “catching one-itis” basically every time they went out. In contrast, the mainstream concept of infatuation seems a lot more valid. You can get infatuated with a girl even if you have had a few girlfriends already. While those two concepts may seem only vaguely related, I think that “one-itis” in the PUA sense is simply infatuation as it appears to a guy with very little sexual experience.
No matter whether you are a hapless wannabe PUA or a sexually experienced man who can’t get that one girl out of his head, those experiences of infatuation, no matter if they are unrequited or not, need to be put in a wider context. In the moment, your mind may fully focus on a particular girl. Yet, with some detachment, I think most guys, even if they are not sufficiently experienced with girls, should be able to develop a more stoic mindset that will allow them to keep their composure. Perhaps ironically, if you succeed in this, the girl you are so obsessed about may become a more realistic prospect. After all, by acting in what she perceives to be a weird way, you can easily ruin your chances. You will most certainly do better with her, and other women, if you can keep your cool in the presence of female beauty.
Another angle is the passage of time, which will help you put things in perspective. No, I am not hinting at the fact that we are all going to die and, according to mainstream physics, the universe will end too. Instead, consider that the girl you are obsessed with today will be a distant memory for you at one point. In that regard, a passage in a book I am currently reading, We Are Doomed by John Derbyshire struck a chord with me. I reproduce the entire passage below, but if the politics in it put you off, skip towards the bolded sentences at the end of it.
The main thing that comes to my mind when I am forced to think about the Middle East is our mustachioed friend Nietzsche’s idea of eternal recurrence—the same darn thing happening over and over again, forever. I go way back with the Middle East—always the same arguments, the same voices, the same grievances, the same horrors.
I see the younger me, in my mind’s eye, riding the New York subway in fall of 1973, on my way to a one-day dishwashing gig in Brooklyn, Rockaway, or the Bronx, following the progress of the Yom Kippur War in the dense, dull, smudgy print of the New York Times.
Further back yet, here I am sitting in the student cafeteria at Liverpool University with some friends, listening to news of the 1967 war, which the college was relaying to us on the PA system. One of those present was a Jewish girl who had spent time on a kibbutz. She kept shushing us to hear what had happened; then, when nothing new was being said, giving us long and passionate expositions of Israel’s case. I was rather keen on that girl. Sad: now I can’t even remember her name.
This passage contains a particularly British phrase. To be “keen” on someone is the polite Englishman’s way of saying “would like to fuck”. Adding a “rather” as a modifier means that you really, really would like to fuck someone. Yet, despite that massive bulge in young John Derbyshire’s pants, this girl has turned into a mere memory without a name attached to it. He probably wasted countless hours thinking about her, hopefully not without ever taking action. In the end, he would have done a lot better had he made a move quickly and, if she wasn’t interested, moved on as opposed to diligently waiting for his turn, or however else those “orbiters” justify their behavior.
A few decades are quite a long time. However, you can experience the same effect if you are involved with multiple women at the same time. I once had a fuck buddy I got along with really well and we had been seeing each other casually for a few months. Then, she told me that she’ll be out of town for a week, visiting family on the countryside, and that she’s looking forward to meeting me again afterwards. What happened was that, because I was genuinely busy (and was also hooking up with other women), she simply slipped my mind. I remembered her about three weeks later and texted her — and at that point she was not happy to hear from me again. Not one bit. She was genuinely upset and cut off all contact.
In hindsight, I found it quite unbelievable that this could have happened to me. I mean, you’d think that even if you have two or three fuck buddies and regularly hook up with new girls, you will still not forget about those you have banged a few times. That’s not at all the case. On the other hand, had I been some simp who never got some action, I would likely have obsessed over her and daily written her sappy emails as well as text messages about how much I miss her, even if I had never even touched or kissed her.
The problem of obsessing about a girl can be dealt with in two different ways. First, you could develop a stoic mindset, which is a lot harder than it may sound. Second, you just get busy with life, with or without women. If you are drowning in work, you just won’t have the time to obsess about some chick you met via Tinder the other day. You may even forget about her and only three weeks later realize that some girl you’ve banged silently unmatched you on that app.
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