In my book Minimal Game, I mention the anecdote of some Russian teenage girl sitting on top of me who suddenly got shy and told me to “not look at it”, referring to her supposedly asymmetrical nostrils. This struck me as utterly ludicrous. As I further pointed out in this context, the problem with unrealistic beauty standards for women is that they take advertising seriously. They see a heavily photoshopped picture of some model on the cover of a magazine and think that this is what they compete against. In contrast, I wrote, a guy would respond to pictures of pretty boys with either indifference or they’d dismiss them.
In the meantime, probably fueled by online dating, men no longer seem to fare so well in terms of their mental health. Over and over I have had coaching calls with guys who are well above average in looks, yet are very insecure. One of my current clients even verbalized this by pointing out that he compares himself to pictures of other dudes. Sure, if your comparison is with fitness models who take steroids, possibly have had cosmetic surgery, and most certainly had their images touched up, you are in the same bizarre situation as young and very attractive women who think they are ugly because they don’t look like the photoshopped pictures and manipulated videos of other women. I believe, as we have discussed previously, that this is related to the recent popularity of the Blackpill community.
That client in particular was interesting because of his height. He’s a little bit taller than me (6′ 3.5″) and, just like me, normally the tallest guy in the room. Height is a very attractive feature and being that tall puts you in the top 1%. He is up there. On top, this dude has a full head of hair and a pleasant symmetrical face. Sure, he’s not model-caliber, but compared to the average guy he’s a superstar.
One aspect that struck me is that — not just in this example — the self-image of those guys is built on faulty premises, yet so powerful that it negates their real-world experiences. To give you a very simple example: if you have ever had a one-night stand with an attractive woman, you are well above average. Sure, girls seemingly fuck random dudes, but this is really not the case. The bar for physical attraction for a one-night stand with an attractive woman who only wants your dick, as opposed to your resources, is quite high. Maybe ask a few regular dudes if they’ve ever had a one night stand. Then there are guys who tell me that they don’t get anywhere with girls, but after some probing, I learn that they regularly end up making out with chicks in clubs and bars, or on dates, yet don’t get laid. In those cases the issue is clearly “anti-game” and not that they are not attractive.
You need to objectively assess where you stand. Sure, feel free to believe that you are ugly, but if you have amassed half a dozen one-night stands and have had a few girlfriends over the years, it’s just not likely that you’re ugly. Genuinely unattractive guys go years if not decades without any physical contact with women whatsoever. Furthermore, do not compare yourself to fantasy images like gullible women do it. No, instead go out into the real world: Take a ride on public transport if you never do that, go to a shopping mall on the weekend, or do grocery shopping in the evening! What you will find is that the average person in the West is in a shockingly poor physical state. Of course, if you objectively conclude that you look just as bad as them, then you need to seriously work on yourself, but the kind of guy this blog post addresses does not have this problem. I’m talking about objectively pretty good looking guys, solid 8s in many cases, who are convinced that they are average or below average. You’re only average if you believe that you are.
Did you enjoy this article? Excellent! Here are some further steps to consider:
1) If you want to read more from Aaron, check out his excellent books, the latest of which are Sleazy Stories II, Sleazy Stories III, and Meditation Without Bullshit.
2) Aaron is available for one-on-one consultation sessions if you want honest advice.
3) Donations for the upkeep of this site are highly welcome.