Looking back a good decade or so, when the PUA community was still reasonably active, it is quite striking how much the attitude of the average guy towards women has changed. This is not something I base off the various toxic corners on the Internet, which I frequent with an intellectual Hazmat suit on and purely for research. Instead, it is based observation as well as observable reality.
In the mid to late 2000s, guys wanted to get laid. Many even joined the PUA community not to become lotharios. Instead, their goal was to find a girlfriend. However, they fell for the lies of PUAs who told them that you need to learn to pick up women first before you can even think of finding a girlfriend. Of course, the reality is that it is easier to get a girlfriend than a one-night stand, but that would be a different topic. I also recall that back then, guys would sometimes size each other up by asking if you had a girlfriend and if you didn’t, you better looked like a prime-alpha Chad. Then again, if you looked like that, you only had to smirk when this question came up in conversation and they wouldn’t even ask you directly. Related was that whenever I bumped into some friend or acquaintance in the nightlife of London or Berlin, they’d ask me if the chick sitting on my lap was my girlfriend. Sometimes, they asked me the next time they bumped into me at university, possibly even inquiring how I had met my supposed girlfriend.
As the PUA community collapsed, accelerated due to my explosive ebook “Debunking the Seduction Community” that has been downloaded hundreds of thousands of times, a bigger change was afoot. The PUA community split into the red-pill commmunity and the black-pill community. The former believes that the PUAs of yore overdid it but that there are good concepts in their theories and if you approach and “project frame” you can get laid with 10s but maybe not as easily as PUAs may have made it sound. On the other hand, the black-pill community, including it’s incel-community offshoot, has a much more realistic view on the world. They look at who actually gets laid and what you need to bring to the table to succeed with women. There are some “fakecels” and “chadcels” in the incel community, but by and large, those people appreciate reality a lot more than members of the other two communities.
I think that what you witness on the Internet is only ever the tip of the iceberg of what is happening in society. Thus, whenever there is an online community, you can be sure that the number of people with an interest in it in real life is far bigger. Back when forums were still popular, you had terms like “lurker”, i.e. people who read but never posted anything. The ratio between posters and lurkers is commonly way smaller than 1:100. Also, with an ad-driven business model, there only ever were big forums around if the ads, which were displayed to lurkers just as well, made it work. The implication of the tip-of-the-iceberg hypothesis is that you should be able to see behaviors that some people put on display in, for instance, black-pill circles, in the offline world as well. I think those of us who are older than maybe 30 can all agree that if you are single nowadays, nobody bothers you anymore whereas ten or fifteen years ago that was kind of a big deal. When I was in my early 20s I did not want to have anything to do with women (having a domineering mother as well as horrible, petty and vindictive female teachers does that to you). This led some rather mediocre men around me to believe that the fact that they had a fat and ugly girlfriend meant that they were somehow better than me. Sometimes I didn’t feel like just ignoring that, in which case I pulled up my phone and showed them text messages of some hot chick who was taking the same course as the dude and I. I had women literally chasing me, begging to meet up, and some guys got so upset about this that their face literally turned reddish.
If you were a hot, single guy back in the day, chicks chased you, or wanted to hook you up with their friends, or befriend you to keep you around to assess whether they can monkey-branch to you. You were a complete oddball if you said you didn’t care about chicks. Guys in a similar boat as me often just made some lame excuse or said that they haven’t gotten over some ex yet (bad move: I did this once, and the chick invited me to her place “if I wanted to talk”). Yet, today we have reached a tipping point. More and more guys no longer view it as a worthwhile life goal to have a girlfriend, wife her up, have kids, do the husband-provider thing, get divorce-raped, and die as an alcoholic. People no longer even shrug if you tell them that you’re single whereas that used to be seen as embarrassing, i.e. if you were a “real man”, you’d certainly have a woman in your life. Conversely, since you don’t, there must be something wrong with you.
You don’t need to take my word for it. There are now industries that cater to men who are flush with cash and do not spend it on women. For context, in many relationships, the woman decides how the money is spent and you can bet that building a massive PC rig or, better yet, setting up a VR room in your apartment will not sit well with her. The fact that we now have a lot of niche industries that serve a rather well-off male audience is proof enough that there are more and more men who want to spend some of the money they make on themselves. If you look back in time, it is absolutely the case that PC gaming used to be cheaper. That’s also one of the reason why it used to be crap, compared to playing on a game console. To give you one data point, in 2005 you could pull out your Nintendo Gamecube, put in Resident Evil 4, and your PC-gaming friends would be wowed by it because it looked so good. True, partly this was due to you playing on a CRT TV, but there was little doubt that you couldn’t find something similar on PC at that time (the PC was still great for Civilization and games like that).
To put some numbers on the table: Today, you can buy a top-of-the-line GPU with ray-tracing capabilities like the AMD RX 6800 XT for about $1,000. Top graphics cards even just a few years ago, and taking inflation into account, have never been that expensive. Guys may have wanted to buy them but their girlfriends or wives would have told them that this purchase unfortunately is not possible because “they” want to have another vacation later this year. To make this perfectly clear: hyper-expensive GPUs like that exist because there is a market demand for it. There are men who want this and are happy to buy it. (Article continues below.)
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The entire previous example is something I only realized after a work colleague told us, when sitting down for dinner before Covid, that he is going to dedicate an entire room in his three-room apartment to VR gaming. He was also giddy that he was able to preorder the Valve VR headset, which back then was the best and most expensive consumer headset in the industry. Guys, none of this would have happened ten or even five years ago, even if the technology would have been around, or similarly expensive offerings available! First of all, no guy would have boasted about something like that. Telling your work colleagues that you have a room in your house just for gaming would have put you roughly on par with someone publicly declaring that they don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.
Gaming itself is actually a great example as well. Today, it’s a completely normal hobby. However, you used to be a pariah as a gamer. Guys didn’t even talk about this in public. In fact, I bumped into people who were so happy to hear that owned a Super Nintendo as a kid that they asked me if I wanted to borrow some of their stuff. I had a friend or acquaintance who lent me his Playstation together with Gran Turismo and Metal Gear Solid and he wanted me to play through the latter so that he could talk with me about it. That was when the Internet wasn’t widely available yet. That dude seemed reasonably well adjusted but he felt completely isolated because he fell in love with Metal Gear Solid and the few guys he knew who played games only cared about Gran Turismo and Tekken (I suspect he only gave me Gran Turismo to lower my defence). Some other guy, from a different circle of friends, told me about how incredibly impressed he was with Final Fantasy VII. A few days later he brought his PlayStation and that game and surreptitiously handed it to me, not even asking if I wanted to borrow it. Yes, before the Internet people who were interested in videogames apparently did feel isolated.
I would argue that today, guys are less and less concerned about (not) having a girlfriend or getting married. I would say the jig is up. On the one hand, shifts in our culture have made women overall a lot less pleasant to be around. Society nowadays pushes them towards being unfeminine. I’m hearing more and more complaints from guys that there are virtually no slim girls around anymore. I’ve also repeatedly been told by guys that they bang expensive escorts because they just aren’t attracted to the typical woman they see in their city. What more men nowadays openly admit is that it is quite expensive to have a woman in your life. When I was growing up, I was fed bullshit lines like “two people can live as cheaply as one”. That was never true. Today, though, the average woman seems to feel entitled to the entirety of your paycheck. They also aggressively push you towards upgrading your lifestyle (my wife does not do that as she’s smart with money). Suddenly, you need one or two extra rooms. My ex-wife was a perfect example in that regard as well. She oscillated between me having to buy either an expensive apartment smack in the center of the city, in one of the most ostentatious corners that, in my opinion, did not offer commensurate quality of life, or me buying a fucking house for her to sit in. The latter she pushed hard for after her sister got the guy she was seeing back then to buy a house for her. Well, I got out of that shortly afterwards and the last time I checked, her sister had just left that guy. I guess she didn’t like that house that much in the end. It probably was still a nice payday for her.
There has been a big cultural shift in the West where more and more men are learning that they can, indeed, be self-sufficient. Marriage rates are down across the board. People keep marrying later and later and in fewer numbers. Women have been told for decades that they can’t trust men. Yet, it is men who are learning that they cannot trust women. Those men also act accordingly. Too many men have seen other men getting slaughtered out there, having been little more than a resource to extract, and discarded the moment it became convenient to do so. It is thus not surprising that we are witnessing the slow death of relationships where men are, if at all, only interested in hook ups. I also remember another one of the bullshit lines I have, with variations, heard from multiple women, several in my extended family as well as easily a handful who thought they could get me to commit by messing with my head: “You need to be in a relationship because if you’re single long enough, you’ll get weird and nobody will want you anymore.” I find it hard to believe that such bullshit ever worked on men but apparently it did. The idea that if you are a single you either are or you are going to be “weird” has lost all currency. Women would be a lot better off today if we did not have the Internet because then we would not know of all those countless men who were wrecked in relationships, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We even know about the misfortunes of Brad Pitt (Yeah, just “be alpha”, bro!), and George Clooney’s marriage isn’t going so well apparently either. Nicolas Cage had to play in countless shitty movies to be able to afford his divorce and Robin Williams hung himself, presumably, because divorce had ruined him. I could spend days with adding more names of famous men here.
I think there is great poetic justice in the knowledge of all those great men falling hard on their face being shared far and wide. It’s not about those men, though. Before the Internet, you would not hear about any of this because you would not give a shit about it. However, women would eat up all of this because that is a big part of what their women’s magazines cover. Women have known all along how bad men have it in relationships, yet they told you all this bullshit about you “not being complete on your own” or, I don’t know, that you’ll need hip replacement surgery because of all that money in your fat wallet if you don’t hand it over to a wife in regular intervals. They have always known this and they have always gathered to talk about it. On that note: the word “trivial” comes from the Latin “trivium”, i.e. a location where three roads meet, meaning a busy crossing where woman would gather to chat about irrelevant matters; this kind of etymology is no longer politicially correct so the current attempt is to claim that this word comes from the standards of (elite) medieval education, which knew of a “trivium” as well, consisting of logic, grammar, and rhetoric; that would not really be trivial though. The exact opposite would be true.
So, what killed relationships and, in turn, freed men? It’s knowledge sharing and more and more men waking up. Once you reach a tipping point in society, the future development takes care of itself. The only way to reset this is a great societal crisis. I’m not sure if the manufactured Covid epidemic counts, though. In any case, I think we will see the price of graphics cards rise further. We’ll also see more and more men only looking out for themselves. Women were told to ask themselves, “What’s in it for me?” Now men are asking the very same question, and they don’t like the answers they arrive at.
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