Gender Dynamics · Women

How Female Competitiveness Ruins Male Finances

In my article The Death of Relationships, I wrote the following:

[My ex-wife] oscillated between me having to buy either an expensive apartment smack in the center of the city, in one of the most ostentatious corners that, in my opinion, did not offer commensurate quality of life, or me buying a fucking house for her to sit in. The latter she pushed hard for after her sister got the guy she was seeing back then to buy a house for her. Well, I got out of that shortly afterwards and the last time I checked, her sister had just left that guy. I guess she didn’t like that house that much in the end. It probably was still a nice payday for her.

First, I want to talk about this episode in greater detail. Afterwards, I will discuss the wider problem of women putting irresponsible financial demands on men in more general terms.

What I found quite remarkable about my ex-wife was that she seemed to be rather oblivious to my perspective on things. Increasingly, the soundtrack of our marriage became an a capella choir singing “me, mee, meee!” around the clock. She surprised me one day not by asking or suggesting or wanting to discuss but by demanding I buy an apartment. She also had some very specific ideas, but not much of a grasp on finances, so her demands were utterly unreasonable to begin with. I was rather amused by this. As I was only waiting for a good moment to whip out the divorce papers, I seemingly did not put up much resistance. Instead, I encouraged her to pursue this line of thought further so that I could learn how wholly unreasonable she was. Obviously, despite earning an okay salary at that time, everything she looked at was completely out of the question because it would “only be fair” if I fully paid for it myself. In her inventiveness, she even called up some predatory mortgage lenders and genuinely believed that she did something great when she got an offer: “Look, I just got us financing!”, she triumphed. I found this absolutely astonishing. At that point I urged her to calm her horses. I was also genuinely baffled because even though I didn’t think she was particularly smart, I had not believed that she was a complete idiot either.

At that point, which should have been a really big tell, I did not even live with my now ex-wife anymore. Still, her demands kept piling up. At one point, an inner-city apartment only a predatory mortgage lender would offer financing for, was no longer enough. Now it had to be a house. This was another surprise to me. She had never mentioned anything about a house before. I shrugged it off and did not think further about it. A few weeks later, this made a lot more sense, though. What emerged was that her (twin) sister got her boyfriend to buy her a house. You obviously saw that coming because I had mentioned this in my last post. In the mind of the materialistic woman, a house apparently ranks higher than an apartment. It is even worse when it’s their own sister or, worse, twin sister as this puts them in direct competition with each other.

My then-wife and I got to visit her sister and her boyfriend at their house. This was one of the most bizarre Saturday afternoons I have ever had. I grew up in a house in the countryside myself. No matter in which direction I go when walking off the plot of land that house is on, it doesn’t take much time to be in the middle of a nice piece of nature. That’s my understanding of the appeal of having a house: you have your own little oasis of tranquility somewhat outside of a bigger city. This is how capitalism rewards you for doing well. In contrast, the house of my then-sister-in-law was more or less alongside a highway. You had to drive for about half an hour on a high-way to get close to it. After taking an off-ramp you all of a sudden see three houses next to a side road. One of those three houses was theirs. The location would have befitted a highway restaurant or a gas station. I did not quite figure out how it was even possible for there to be houses in the first place as the location was downright bizarre. It is probably due to history, i.e. someone built a house there 150 years ago, before there were any roads, and once the plot of land had been used for a house, it got grandfathered in for future zoning.

The surroundings of that house were appalling. It was situated on a sandy slope, with unsurmountable rocks in the background that did not look majestic in any way, and a view to a busy highway in the front. There were no stores and as far as I could tell, there was no city, town, or village nearby, so you needed a car for everything. Door to door, it took them close to an hour from their house to their place of work and, of course, now they needed two cars where previously, they didn’t need any due to public transport in the city. What this house offered was none of the advantages of having a house, maybe with he exception of having a bit more space (Swedish houses are comparatively small), and all of the disadvantages. It struck me as a horrible deal. My now-ex-wife was not so pleased when I, later, pointed out the drawbacks of that house. Instead, she blew up and told me about how great it was to have your own house as well as the fact that you could do gardening and have chickens. Note that this came from a woman who couldn’t even cook. Also, on that sandy slope you couldn’t do much gardening, if any.

I am quite certain that my ex-wife simply got fed a lot of b.s. from her sister about how amazing their house is and all the things they could do there. I can vividly picture her seething inwardly, yet putting on a fake smile as she was told all that crap about the garden they’d have, conveniently forgetting to mention that the soil is crap and that the climate in Sweden doesn’t allow for much gardening. I’m not sure whether this is funny or sad. It’s a bit of both, I would say. It’s also possible that her sister only wanted the house so that she could one-up her twin. There were several such episodes in their lives where it seemed that one only did something in order to keep up with the other, or one doing something to make the other do it, too. They were rather dysfunctional overall.

In the end, reality tends to catch up with people. A few months later, I presented my wife the divorce papers. For added effect, she got them after threatening divorce herself. Somehow, she thought this would get me to readily buy real estate with money I did not have. It’s possible she got this advice from a feminist forum on Reddit. Afterwards, I blocked all contact with her. At one point her sister reached out to me. The context was that my ex-wife had thrown out my things at her place, so I did the same to hers. Yet, she believed that she was entitled to her stuff. This gave me a good chuckle. Out of curiosity, I then looked up her sister and quickly found out that she had left that dude. Note that this was about half a year after I had been to that house. Let that sink in for a bit! Her sister did not work full-time, if I recall correctly, so it’s safe to assume that the poor dude put up most of the money and is also responsible for paying the mortgage. A house in that location surely is also difficult to sell. I wonder how long they even lived in that house. It was at most around six months but it could have been just six weeks.

I think what happened is that the woman realized that a house is great on paper but if you live literally in the middle of nowhere and only get to watch highway traffic from your living room window, life isn’t all that great. Maybe her crops all died due to the sandy soil, or she realized that she’s spending way more money now because she has to have her own car, and that two hours of commuting a day kind of suck. There were a lot of things wrong with that kind of setup, so any number of reasons could have been found. Yet, instead of working through them, or thinking about them in advance, she just decided to bail. I can picture her thinking, “Nah, fuck that!”, telling the guy that it’s over and that she’s leaving, as well as forcing him to sell the house, getting half of the proceeds even if she only put in a token amount. It’s not easy to recover from that.

(Article continues below.)

Break: To show your appreciation for this article and ensure the survival of this blog, please consider making a donation.

The general problem here is that a lot of women do not seem to care about your finances. This is seemingly a lot worse with women who come from a solid middle to upper middle class background like my ex-wife and her sister. For them, money was always there. I remember occurrences like her mother just dropping by on a whim and taking my now ex-wife out on a shopping spree that ended with a visit to an expensive restaurant or some cafe where they could sit and run their mouth for hours. She’d come home with shoes and clothes worth the equivalent of hundreds of dollars. The idea of budgeting was also foreign to her. If money was running low, she’d just call her mother. For some reason, she didn’t want to call her father, even though he was bankrolling this entire absurd operation as the mother did not bring in any money herself.

To such a woman, you are a means to an end. She does not care if you overextend yourself financially. In the worst case, so she thinks, she’ll just get a new boyfriend. Speaking of houses or apartments is of course rather extreme as those are likely the most expensive purchases in your life. However, I found that it is not at all uncommon that women urge you to upgrade your lifestyle. Strangely enough, even in a city like Berlin, a woman you’ve banged a few times but who fantasizes about you being her boyfriend will tell or suggest that you really need to get a car. From guys with cars, I know that they were told that they need to get nicer cars.

Other consumables are high on the list as well. Even though Covid-19 has put a stop to frivolous travelling, for the most part, it is still the case that the average wahmen loves few thing smore than travelling on some man’s dime. Travelling is great because it leads to more Instagram selfies, which measn that she can use them to one-up her female friends. Again, if your money runs out, it’s your problem.

One of the unique perspectives guys who are only interesting for women due to their looks is that the latter speak without a filter in their presence. You don’t get this if you’re in the boyfriend category. You will learn how incredibly competitive women are among themselves. Do you recall how, in primary school, you may have compared supercars and excitedly talked about the horsepower of a Porsche 911 versus some Ferrari. Little Timmy felt so proud because some Ferrari or Lamborghini had more horsepower than your measly 911, ignoring the fact that likely none of you would ever sit in a car like that. Fast forward a little over ten years, and you’ll have women comparing men in the same objectifying terms: “Oh, your boyfriend is a tax analyst at Deloitte? That’s great. My boyfriend, who is an Associate at Goldman Sachs says, that tax is a good career and a decent plan B or plan C if you don’t get into investment banking.” Like vipers, they sit around, dishing out thinly guises insults. You’re no longer their boyfriend but a mere combination of height, physique, income, job, degree, car, apartment. It is utterly disgusting.

As a guy, the big takeaway here is that if you end up end up playing this game and you get carried away, those women will siphon money off you faster than you can blink. They’ll tell you about how much they’d love to fuck you in a penthouse in the morning, with the sun shining through the windows, or how much they’d love to massage you on the beaches of the Côte d’Azur but you’re just a means to an end for them. Those women will try to extract the most money of you. They’ll keep at it until you are broke or you stop spending money on them, at which point they will move on. If you end up in financial ruin because you made a dumb decision like buying a house on a sandy hill off a highway or an overpriced penthouse, she won’t even care. It was your decision, after all. Besides, if you were a “real man”, you’d have infinite amounts of money anyway.

This blog depends on your contributions. So, share your view and comment on this article (comment policy). Then, to ensure the survival of this blog, donate. If you haven’t bought Aaron’s books yet, buy them, all of them. Lastly, if you want tailored and honest advice, book some one-on-one consultation sessions.

7 thoughts on “How Female Competitiveness Ruins Male Finances

  1. Your experience reminds me of a documentary that featured aneorexic twins. Neither one could not bear the thought of the other being thinner, so they constantly were together monitoring each other’s decreasing calorie intake in some bizarre, dangerous contest. Eventually an intervention occurred and they had to either go to seperate rehabs or be thrown out in the street (these sisters lived with their parents and were totally financially dependent on them). I suppose the survival instinct prevailed and they agreed to go to separate rehab facilities (but not before pathetically demanding to go to the same rehab facility together, citing the sacredness of their “twin bond”).

    Interestingly enough, both blamed their father for their problems, citing that he didn’t “love them independently” enough or some other nonsense.

    1. My ex-wife also occasionally brought up the “special bond only twins can have, nothing you, obviously, could ever know.” This sometimes happened in the most bizarre situations and oftentimes seemed to imply the opposite of what she wanted to convey. Then again, she may have had a hard time grasping reality. To give you a further indication of how messed up the family dynamics were: the mother never seemed to shower their daughters with gifts simultaneously. After one of them got a surprise drop of shoes, the other was pissed off for days or weeks and the other way around. I suspect the mother got high off the drama she created, and she had plausible deniability too because she did nothing wrong. She only handed out random gifts. I also learned that both of them were bitching about the other behind the other’s back to their mother. Women seem to love drama, and some apparently love it more than anything else.

  2. Have you ever considered writing a post regarding what led you to choosing this woman initially? No pressure of course. I do think it could be quite instructive, but I get how that might make you uncomfortable.

    1. One of the greatest mysteries in life, and a question that pops up from time to time here.

      I think it was the first time he ever mentioned being married, one user asked him how it came to happen that such legendary pussy slayer settled down, and he answered that he found a remarkable woman. My guess is that she fooled him during the dating phase and showed her true colors once married, on top of being a 9/10 or so in looks.

  3. I have long suspected that one of the reasons my parents marriage is so successful (4 decades and still happily together) is that none of them has any friends outside the family and dont socialize much, so they really only live for each other and their children.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.