A recent discussion in The Open Thread #54 centered around the question of how to deal with rejection. Basically every guy who has ever approached a woman knows that getting turned down can really sting. In the worst case, a high number of rejections may even demotivate guys from approaching women altogether in the future. Wouldn’t it be great if there was an effective way of dealing with the frustration that comes from rejections? There is. Unfortunately, it is a bit of a chicken-and-egg problem.
Stepping back from the issue, you may recall that seduction gurus of yore told you that rejections will stop to matter once you have gotten used to them. Other gurus told you that you are the “prize” and if she rejects you, it is her fault. The problem with the former is that countless negative experiences will only demotivate you. I don’t quite see how a guy who has to approach literally 1,000 women to get one single date that leads nowhere does not end up getting depressed. He may even “rope”, to use black pill vocabulary. This is not an exaggeration. Mass-approachers back in the days really did that poorly at times.
The problem with being the “prize” is twofold. First, if you are the effing prize, then why do you have to approach women at all? Why aren’t you the one rejecting women, instead of the other way around? Some men indeed have women come on to them, in subtle as well as less-than-subtle ways. Consequently, they feel more like selectors as opposed to mere pussy beggars. Second, why should the average man who does not bring much to the table feel as if he is the “prize”? This is a serious question, which I would have loved seeing answered by PUA gurus.
You are not the “prize” because you repeat affirmations in your head twenty times in the morning every day. Instead, you can be the prize if you tick a few boxes that all relate to looks, money, and status. If you were a high-status guy, then you would likely feel good about yourself more often than not. There is a time-lag effect, i.e. if your position in life improves a lot, it may take a few months or maybe a couple of years for your self-image to catch up. Yet, the observation that success in life makes people feel better about themselves is very easy to make, but it is only most obvious in hindsight.
The psychological sting due to having gotten rejected can be nullified easily with experience. This affects successful guys who lack sexual experience as well. If you hardly ever get laid, and you desperately want to get laid again, you are in a pretty bad starting position. Of course, if it is part of your self image that you can get laid regularly with pretty decent looking women but it has been half a year since you last got your dick sucked, then it probably won’t feel good if yet another woman tells you to get lost. In contrast, and this is where the aforementioned chicken-and-egg aspect comes in, if you get laid regularly, then you just don’t care much about some chick turning you down. You just approach a few more until you get laid again. Note that I said, “a few”, not “a thousand.” Guys who are successful with women don’t go around doing indiscriminate mass approaches.
What will also help you if you are genuinely busy. If dating fills a void in your life, yet you are not doing particularly well, neither in dating nor anything else, then you probably feel like a loser. This is your body telling you that you need to change your life. Yet, if you have a hard time squeezing one or two dates a week into your busy schedule, you may even be glad if some chick ends up flaking on you. In some corners of the Internet, this is referred to as an “abundance mindset”. However, this is not just a mindset. It has to be a reflection of your life. You won’t be able to fake having a busy life because you will know if you are only wasting your time. Likewise, you won’t be able to fake sexual confidence or knowing that you are desired by women if you are not. If that is your problem, then maximize your “foundation”, as I call it in my book Minimal Game.
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