Dating · Meeting Women

Economic Success and Success with Women

After I published my article “A Friend’s Bizarre Tinder Date”, Sleazy’s Gal, who happens to know that guy as well, asked me if his love life has gotten more successful after getting his new job. The context is that he made a career transition that took some time to get going. He quit a decent job in a different industry, perhaps too prematurely. For a while he was unemployed, then he worked part-time and, finally, he got a pretty nice full-time gig. During his struggle, his live-in girlfriend moved out. To him, it came out of nowhere. As he later learned, she “monkey-branched”, i.e. while she was still living with him, she began looking for a new guy and broke up with my friend as soon as her new relationship had stabilized. Women are cold and calculating like that.

A guy’s luck can turn, however. After my friend found himself gainfully employed again, and in a position with a bit of public visibility on top, women were suddenly a lot more interested in him again. It’s as if a switch had been flicked, which made him turn from being a pariah into an in-demand product. To me as well as any of you, this is not really a big surprise. After all, if you make a decent amount of money, you are suddenly a good provider again.

What surprised me, though, was the question Sleazy’s Gal asked. Let’s repeat it:

“So his love life has gotten more successful after getting that job?”

Well, of course it has. Why wouldn’t it? I was not quite sure whether she pretended to be surprised by this or whether she was generally oblivious to it. She would not be in a relationship with me if I was some broke loser. Female hypergamy is a fact. Yet, it’s a fact many women still have a problem acknowledging. After all, they don’t want to be seen as gold diggers.

There is another explanation: it could very well be that some women don’t even reflect upon what they are attracted to. They are drawn to guys with money and power, but because they bullshit so much that they are attracted to “personality” that they start believing it. How financial success makes a guy more attractive is similar to how a woman slimming down makes her more attractive. Suddenly, members of the opposite sex start paying attention.

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4 thoughts on “Economic Success and Success with Women

  1. In (Northern) Europe, the salaries of most knowledge workers top out at ~4-5k/month. However, there are certain professions that often earn 2-3x that. For example, MDs, lawyers and strategy consultants. Not only is the competition for these positions high, once in position the workload, hours and stress are often immense.

    What is your opinion on the trade off between life(style) and salary? Do you think an MD earning 10k/month would do much better with the ladies than a software engineer earning 5k/month, considering the later has lower status, but also more spare time? Do you advice guys to even consider such things when pursuing a career, or is this the 4-5k salary already the point of diminishing returns?

    1. I don’t think the numbers are that accurate. 5k is a starting salary in many STEM fields. You’ll top out at 6 to 7k if you don’t manage to rise through the ranks. I don’t think doctors make a lot more than that, at least not as long as they are employed instead of running their own practice. The issue with law and management consulting is that you have a bimodal distribution. A few at the top, think Magic Circle and MBB, make bank. The rest may even struggle financially. A low to mid-tier lawyer or management consultant works long hours but doesn’t make a lot of money.

      Yes, I think an MD making 10k euros a month will do significantly better than a software engineer with 5k. The former easily makes enough money to let the woman stay at home. The latter would struggle with that in a high-tax country like Germany. Then there is the status differential, which is substantial. Of course, to make that much money as a doctor, you’d have to be pretty high up in the hierarchy already. A software engineer at a comparable level, though, would either be close (8k/mo. is doable as a senior engineer) or beyond, when taking stock options at large corporations into account.

      Well, if you are in a position to make 5k/mo., you should be a pretty desirable provider. To get a real gold digger, you need more money, but then she spends all of it, so if you want to maximize your return, 5k should be a sweet spot. That being said, how happy would you be if you knew you could make 10k, but you only make 5k? The trade-off you assume isn’t really there. In many jobs you make more money as your hours decrease. This is particularly true for the professions you mentioned. The guys at the lower rungs of the ladder get worked the hardest.

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