A topic that has come up occasionally, both on my blog and also in some of my consultations sessions is the connection between sexual experience and success in picking up women. Sexual experience as well as maturity do help you. However, we should not delude ourselves and think that we men will age like fine wine all the way to the grave. As we get older, our ability to attract women based on our looks alone will decline. That being said, I do not see a reason why a man who took good care of himself would not be able to still get young, attractive women even in his mid to late 30s and even a bit beyond. In this (very long) article, I will discuss picking up women in my 20s versus my 30s, based on my personal experience. I did well in both those phases, but there were clear differences.
My development as a seducer has been most uncommon. I only really started in my late 20s. This was not because I was particularly awkward, nor was it because I’m ugly. I always had women around me and all throughout high school and college I had female orbiters. Plenty of women hit on me, which ranged from getting subtle signals all the way to outright sexual harassment by suddenly getting my crotch grabbed. You may now think that this does not make a lot of sense. Why would a supposedly non-ugly non-awkward guy not go for women, particularly if they make it so easy for him. When I was younger, I had some religious hangups, which I overcame. However, I was obsessed with the idea of controlling myself. One of the key events of my teenage self was, next to the discovery of Schopenhauer, reading Marcus Aurelius’ book Meditations, which is a classic text of stoic philosophy. I probably took it to some extremes, but among others, I wanted to know whether I could suppress my sex drive. The had come across the concept of “sexual transmogrification”, i.e. the idea that if you could transform your sexual energy into something more useful. I really managed to do it. Sure, when I had a particularly pesky erection, I would rub one out, but that seemed preferable to letting chaos, in the form of women, enter my life. I should probably also mention that my relationship with my mother is a bit difficult. She’s a very emotional woman, to put it mildly, and the thought of willingly inviting a woman who could turn out to be somewhat similar sent shudders down my spine.
I did indeed manage to “transmogrify” my sex drive. Among others, I excelled academically and got into a very good UK university for postgraduate studies. To sweeten the deal, they threw in a generous scholarship. This was all well and good. I was seduced, not by women, but by academia, and aimed at getting a PhD and becoming a lecturer. However, I quickly soured on it because the work I was interested in would have not made me employable in academia, which is essentially a giant circle jerk. My grand plan was to demolish the work of a particular academic and then see what you could do with whatever withstood scrutiny. Yet, I quickly learned that this kind of work was simply not welcome. I could not have hoped to find a teaching position at any halfway reputable institution with such a PhD thesis. Academics do not like criticism very much, and this has only gotten worse over the years. With the exceptions of, perhaps, Pure Mathematics, you will only turn yourself into a pariah if you go against the mainstream.
I had the previous realization in the late 2000s. At that point, I knew I would not stay in academia, so I needed something else to do. That is when I began going out a lot and trying to pick up women. It may sound odd to most of you, but for me this was just an intellectual challenge at first. A friend of mine had introduced me to London nightlife and I was just curious if I could figure out how to pull chicks as I had never done that. I had a bit of sexual experience at that point, but it was all a bit random. Now I wanted to do it methodologically. I got good pretty quickly. My book Sleazy Stories covers that period, and a bit more.
Being disillusioned with academia did not bother me that much at first. After all, I was about to graduate with a degree from what some would consider an elite university. It was not a vocational degree, but this was not all that relevant as the logo on this peace of paper could open plenty of doors. If you do not need any specific skills for a particular job, you are a very attractive applicant if you can wave such a desirable degree around. Despite never having worked in my life, I got interviews at some pretty decent companies, including some top names. Yet, I had gotten tired of living in London. The key moment was when I had a final round interview at one of the “Big Four” accounting companies. I had applied for a role in strategy consulting. The outcome was that it struck me that this is not just a game. I found the interview quite trivial but I just did not like anybody of the people I met. To me, they looked like an army of bootlickers. I would really have to go to work every day if they offered me a job and that made me uncomfortable, as I was not really that interested in it, did not like the people, and found traveling via the “tube” during rush hour to be a horrible experience.
I kept pulling girls to keep myself entertained, but I things only really got wild after I had moved back to Berlin. Now that I had no obligations anymore, I had all the time in the world. Somehow, my dad was fine with me not working, and for a surprisingly long amount of time. After all, we were in a great financial crisis, many companies had hiring freezes, and jobs had therefore gotten hard to get. I sent out a few dozen applications over a few months. It was really a lot more difficult than back in London, but I had a good handful of interviews, even some offers. Yet, I didn’t really like any of them and I also had the impression that employers really wanted to take advantage of the bad times, offering artificially low wages. One asshole told me that he would expect me to be in the office 12 hours a day. I said to him that I am withdrawing my application, which left him speechless.
I was, for the most part, pretty undisturbed by the bad economy as my family was financially supporting me. It was hardly an excessive amount of money, just enough to make ends meet. During that time, I kept myself busy with banging chicks. Sometimes, guys have asked me, in real life and online, where I took the energy from to go out so much, or wondered how it was possible that I had such incredible stamina. The secret was simply that I did not have a job for about two years. If you can sleep in until 4 or 5 in the afternoon, partying until the morning hours is quite easy. One-night stands where you leave some chick’s place at 7:00 a.m. don’t really faze you either because it’s not as if you have to get up in the morning. When Joe Doe left the house to get to his wagecuck job, I was going through my bedtime routine. This is not an exaggeration. I frequently saw people leave for work in the early morning hours when I was on the way back home.
Most of my hookups back then happened in clubs and bars. One reason I liked those places was that they were great for killing time. If you are in a club in which you like the music and maybe know a few people, then six or seven hours go by like nothing. Sometimes I went out for fifteen or sixteen hours straight. You take a nap in the evening, meet up with a few friends at 8:00 p.m., hit up some bar until 01:00 a.m., then go to some club until 06:00 a.m., an after-hours club until 09:00 a.m., and because the sun is up and the weather is warm, you then head to an open-air club. Friends of mine needed to do coke to be able to stay awake. In my case, I simply got all the rest I needed and didn’t overdo it. You can probably see how many chances of meeting up with women you get if you go out that much. You will also quickly get better at it due to all that practice in reading signals and sexually escalating. I also enjoyed dancing, and my hookups were simply an added bonus. Some girls I kept around as I liked having at least one fuck buddy, preferably two. I did not quite get laid like clockwork but very, very frequently when I went out, and I was also so aloof that I turned down plenty of women for sex because something was off with them. Some annoyed me, others did not look as good as my main chick or side chick, and with some I simply had a hunch that they were more trouble than they were worth. I should add that I liked the validation that comes with a quick hookup more than receiving sexual favors. If I had only wanted to have sex, I would have locked down the first sexually available and adequately good-looking chick I had come across.
During that time, my hookups were already very efficient. Once I had gotten to the point where I could “read” a woman’s level of sexual interest, my success ratio became so good it blew the mind of everyone I went out with, until they got used to it. Quite often, I just took some woman’s hand, pulled her in, made out with her wildly before even saying hi, and banged her in a bathroom stall. If you think this is nonsense, then spend more time in clubs. You’ll probably witness a hookup like that every once in a while. Now imagine you spend so much time picking up girls that you can refine a “method” for hooking up like that! Nowadays, the club scene is not doing particularly well. The closest you can get to this is by going to a big event, like a rave. You’ll probably see a lot of stuff happen, including chicks going down on guys in the middle of the crowd or taking dick somewhere in the venue. Horny, unrestrained women really do a lot of perverted stuff, and the more often you go out, the more often you will bump into such women.
I do not want to glorify the partying lifestyle too much. As much as I enjoyed it, it eventually dawned on me that I was wasting my life. The economy had also picked up again, so telling my dad that there just aren’t any jobs out there did not quite cut it anymore. I was about to turn 30. On a side note, if you did the math and think I’m too old for the narrative: I worked for a few years before going to university. On top, degrees in Germany took a long time back then as this was before three-year Bachelor’s degrees were introduced. Anyway, I realized that even though I didn’t look as old as I was, my partying lifestyle had to come to an end. Part of the reason was also that some of the guys I used to hang out with started to put their life together as well. Some launched some decent careers and, in some cases, stellar ones. Others tried the startup game. Me? I banged a few more chicks until I finally admitted to myself that while it was great to catch up on everything I may have missed out on in my teens and adolescence, it’s now time to get serious as well. Probably my dad telling me to get my shit together also played a role.
I withdrew from the party lifestyle overnight, no pun intended. I tend to go cold turkey whenever I want to kick a habit, and I attribute this to my extensive mental training due to embracing stoicism and an, at that point, roughly fifteen-year long meditation practice. As I wanted to be an adult, I made two adult decision: first, I left Berlin because there was too much distraction. Second, I settled down with a girl who I later on married. That was my first wife. She told me she didn’t want to have children and that my companionship would be all she desired. Things went well for a while, for several years actually. My hope was that being married, and not living in Berlin, would give my life some stability. This did indeed happen. Slowly but surely, I got my life back on track. I buckled down hard, got back to university, swallowed my pride and did a few internship, and eventually landed a pretty decent job. So, that part of the plan had worked out.
What did not work out was my marriage, however. I don’t want to put all the blame on that woman. I knew that she was not entirely stable, and it did not bother me too much. Yet, it only got worse. What was worse, though, was that once I had established myself to a reasonable degree, she suddenly wanted kids. She also wanted me to spend all my money, and then some, on her: exotic travels, cosmetic surgery, buying an apartment. Her behavior also seemed to be getting a lot more erratic. As I learned, partly this was due to her getting off of her SSRIs. In short, I got out of this marriage what I had desired, namely a sense of responsibility and stability that would help me to sort out the mess my life had been. Now that I had reached that point, though, it became shockingly obvious to me that there is no point this marriage could be saved.
Even though I got officially divorced only in 2017, the marriage was over, at the latest, in 2015. She had told me she wanted a divorce. I thought about it and agreed. (Spoiler: I had a prenup and, in the end, the divorce cost me the equivalent of around 50 EUR in administrative fees.) My then wife also became unhinged and started cheating on me. This did not even bother me. At that point, I had moved out already. I can’t even properly recall when I had last had sex with her; I think it was sometime in 2015. Anyway, at that point it was already over and hardly spoke anymore. There was one episode where she sent me some messages in which she boasted about dating some doctor who was supposedly so much better than me. I guess he didn’t call her back. Meanwhile, I no longer had the excessive amounts of spare time I had back then in Berlin. Also, I was glad I was getting out of that marriage so chasing after different women was not on my mind for a while.
As a big part of my motivation behind picking up women was validation, and I had gotten so much of it in my 20s, I did not fully immerse myself into seduction again. Instead, I turned it into a mere sideshow of my life, going out mostly irregularly, with a few bouts of intense activity. The parameters had changed a lot compared to my mid-to-late 20s. I was now a bit older, i.e. in my mid-30s. Back then I was very slender, with a nice six pack. Now, I was a lot heavier as I had been bulking up. I had gotten bigger, but it was fat and muscles. I had gone from around 75 to close to 90 kg. (I’m currently at around 82 kg, at 190 cm / 6’3″.) I did not have the time to go out to clubs until the morning hours and even if I had had the time, there were not a lot of good venues around in the city I lived in at that time. The Berlin party scene was still going strong but I was not going to fly in just to party, albeit I did visit friends a few times. On the plus side, I now had a much more stable life. I also dressed differently. On occasion, I still put on some loose garment that barely covered my torso, which made women come up to me and tell me that they like my biceps (back then, they mostly told me they like how venous my arms were).
My club game was a lot tamer, partly also due to circumstances. As you are undoubtedly aware of, Europe got flooded with third-world immigrants in 2015. Some of those went on a rape spree. Some of the clubs I went to were swarming with security as a response. I was in venues where I was told that certain “incidents” had happened. Bathroom pulls were very difficult to pull off (I pulled off a small number nonetheless) because security guards stepped in if you headed to the toilets together with a girl, and physically separate you. As you can imagine, this pretty much ruins the girl’s mood. Sometimes, security guys even messed with my regular pulls, e.g. I wanted to leave the place with a girl, then some security fucktard stopped us, asking the girl if she was feeling alright, as opposed to drunk, and whether she is coming with your willingly. In another instance my chick was asked if she had come to the club with me, as we were about to leave. It helps if the woman you are pulling out of the club has gone through this before because they tend to just ignore those security guys. In any case, such interactions do jeopardize your pickups.
I occasionally danced a bit, but never as aggressively as back in the old days. The main reason was that you got too much negative attention from security. I have witnessed several people, guys and girls alike, getting kicked out because they seemed to be having too much fun. I think club owners were simply too afraid of legal troubles or having their places locked down if some bullshit happened. As I couldn’t pull off my fabulous dance floor game anymore, I had to operate a bit differently: talking to chicks at the bar or in lounge areas and slow dancing, and the goal was to leave the place with her. This worked pretty well, but it was not nearly as much fun as my crazy pickups in my 20s.
Age was not much of an issue. I attended even a few student parties with pretty good success. I looked a lot younger than I was, and still do. In my mid-30s I could easily pass myself off for being in my mid-20s. The difference between my biological and my chronological age is about ten years. The women I hooked up with were in a very comparable age range, mostly early 20s, with a few outliers in both directions.
I noticed that my attitude had changed quite a bit. I even walked away from some women who would have been easy lays. You can now quip about lowered T-levels and whatnot, but fact of the matter is that I preferred to stay clear from women who looked like trouble. I used to really like picking up chicks who were wild and outgoing. After all, girls with a mild bipolar streak can be amazing in the sack. However, my first wife has thrown a few fits too many so I had simply had my fill of that. There were some hardcore tatted up sluts who were begging for it but with whom I just did not want to deal with. I had had enough psycho chicks for my life.
In addition, I did a modest amount of day game, which went surprisingly well. My very first approach went without a hitch: I noticed a girl who was seemingly interested in me, so I approached her, made some smalltalk, and then we hung out for half an hour or an hour. We met up for a date soon after, but she set off a few red flags. There were few other chicks, including some I would never have met in a club environment, but who were, perhaps surprisingly, every bit as dirty in bed.
I can’t say I like online game too much as I find it a bit tedious. The biggest problem is that you basically start from zero when you meet her. What if there is no sexual chemistry? If you meet a woman in real life, you know right away if you want to fuck her. From looking at a picture that may be heavily manipulated, you can’t necessarily tell. I did a bit of online game, enough to figure out a “method” and refine it, but as I didn’t live in a central location back then, I could not really make it work for me in terms of the time commitment needed.
Lastly, I had some success with social circle game, primarily with loose social ties of larger groups. Surprisingly, this worked pretty well in my professional environment. Think of going to a big conference or some convention. There are some social events on the side, which can be good for meeting people. In addition, a lot of people may have come in from abroad or at least a different city, so those events are like music festivals for the professional crowd. As a plus, when professional events don’t sell out, the organizers often offer free or heavily discounted student tickets.
I found the women to be just as easy in my mid-30s. A very big change, though, was that their attitude quickly changed when they learned more about me and my professional background. In Berlin, I was just some loser with a big dick and a lot of spare time. Occasionally, some chick made a feeble attempt at transforming me into a provider boyfriend. When I was older and had a decent enough job, a lot of women I had just banged, be it in my hotel room or at her or my place, were suddenly very eager to see me again. Several asked me right away if was looking for a girlfriend or, more directly, if I wanted them to be my girlfriend. Once girl ended up in my hotel room in the late afternoon. The plan was to just bang, but when she learned, during pillow talk, what I do for a living, she suggested that we head out and have a “proper date.” Back in the days, they normally only wanted to come back because I managed to get them off. They normally reappeared in my life in the form of a text message a few days later, asking me if I wanted to “hang out.” Now that I was doing okay professionally, the same kind of woman wanted to be my girlfriend right away.
To end on a more general note: some guys have the fear that if they don’t get laid in their early 20s, at the latest, they will have lost their chance forever. This is only true in some cases. Sure, if you are balding heavily or if you let yourself go physically, then your chances with the opposite sex will dwindle rapidly as you get older. On the other hand, if you are a physically attractive guy, you should have no problem getting laid even in your 30s. I find it amusing when relatively decent-looking guys in their mid-20s are convinced that “it’s over”, to quote the favorite slogan of the black pill community. I only really got started in my late 20s and when I dipped my toes back in in my mid-30s, I still did very well. In terms of the amount of time spent per lay, I would say I did a lot better in my 30s than my 20s, simply because I had to. In contrast, I had all the time in the world back in Berlin, so spending hours in a club was not really an issue. This changes completely if your spare time is limited.