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Understanding Mixed Signals

I received the following article request:

Can you discuss how to deal with women who give off mixed signals? I’m not sure if mixed signals are the same as push/pull, hot/cold and playing hard to get. I’ve met very few women who have often given me mixed signals where one minute they are into me and the next minute they are withdrawn. In some cases, I’ve gotten laid, but I just don’t understand why women resort to this behavior. How would you deal with this situation.

Dealing with mixed signals is a key skill of any seducer. There is probably not a single guy out there who got anywhere with women and who was not initially thrown off by mixed signals. The core motivation behind mixed signals is that women want to maintain plausible deniability. This also applies to very outgoing ones, which academia refers to as “socio-sexual” but the man on the street simply calls sluts. No slut wants to feel like a slut.

Even the sluttiest girls have a self image according to which there surely are some sluts out there but she is not one of them. If she is into a guy, she will drop plenty of hints, and she may even give off some highly sexually aggressive signals, such as leaning into you and rubbing her tits against you, but there will also be a bit of push/pull because she cannot make it too easy for you. If she did, she could no longer tell herself that “things just kind of happened”. Her strong preference is for sex to somehow just emerge, after all.

Push/pull, hot/cold and playing-hard-to-get are all just synonyms for the same kind of female behavior. I think there is a minor semantic difference to mixed signals, though: a woman can do a push/pull over the course of a longer interaction, but as part of it, she may give you a number of mixed signals. Thus, you can view mixed signals as a tactical means, serving the larger strategic goal of her throwing herself at her without feeling that she is a slut.

Dealing with mixed signals is not trivial. A problem a lot of men have is that they take a woman’s actions at face value. Imagine a woman is really into you, climbs onto your lap and makes out with you. All is well and good at this point, but then she slaps your chest and says, “I shouldn’t be doing this. I mean, you are, like, totally gay, right?” This is just a playful tease but there are some guys who will then protest that they are not gay and clearly cannot be because they just made out with her, but by doing so, they literally end up talking themselves out of a pretty sure lay.

Another common mixed signal is given by women who enthusiastically greet you before class on some days, but not on others. I used to chalk this down to women having their fertile days, or not, and this is probably a perfectly fine albeit perfectly non-politically correct explanation. If you get mixed signals based on horniness, you need to capitalize on them quickly. This is even more true if you do not get the opportunity to interact with her daily. Let’s say you only bump into her once a week. In this case, she may give you the cold shoulder again one week later as her fertile days will be over as well.

Of course, there are plenty of women who are less visceral and who systematically use their womanly ways to ensnare a man. They still have the problem that they do not want to feel like a slut. Thus, on one day she smiles at you and the next day she may not. The same issue as above applies, though: strike the iron when it is hot, and don’t needlessly waste your time. If you are playing some kind of long game and she is playing along, however, you need to learn to stoically tolerate her fickleness because this is what her mixed behaviors essentially boil down to.

Any woman who gives you mixed signals by definition has indicated her sexual interest in you. This is what you will focus on! You do not second-guess her actions because of her erratic behavior. Instead, you just shrug this off, in a Chad-like manner, and keep pursuing her. There is also the angle that women want to feel pursued, so you will not be able to sidestep this part of the mating dance anyway.

Brushing off a woman’s mixed signals is probably more art than science. You should not think that you need to tolerate absolutely anything she throws at you. Instead, if you think she overstepped a line, just call her out on it. There is a very high likelihood that a woman who does that wants to be put in her place anyway. Probably she is only giving you a chance because there is something about you that reminds you of her father, who is a very stern person. Thus, if you look her straight in the eye and tell her to behave herself, she will soak through her panties, and later on, she will get an orgasm during foreplay as you spank her.

Mixed signals can be pretty annoying and, quite frankly, the more experience you get, the more likely you will be to ask yourself if you really should bother continuing with a particular woman. To some extend, they all put up playful resistance, but there is a big difference between a woman flirting with you and one who thinks she can let you jump through one hoop after another. Knowing how to deal with mixed signals is just one technique for your toolbox. It does not mean that you need to play along as there are plenty of women who are playful rather than manipulative and therefore much more enjoyable to interact with.

8 thoughts on “Understanding Mixed Signals

  1. Great tip on overcoming mixed signals! I would personally get upset at these things because it was the woman’s intention the entire time to produce those emotions from me.

  2. Also, let’s be honest, some women can be crazy and not know what they want/change their mind on a whim for no reason at all. I once had a woman invite herself up to my hotel room, just the two of us, with no pretext after she was hanging around me and talking basically all day at a conference. I thought wow, she’s pretty forward. When we got to my room, I went to kiss her BUT now she wanted to be “just friends” because she’s asexual apparently. I don’t think I could have done anything different in that scenario. In this case I think dodged a bullet because there were a few red flags I ignored initially, but its frustrating nonetheless.

    1. Sounds like she was using you for attention. Women do that, and have little regard for the consequences.

      The main motivating force behind the “anti-niceguy” push from the feminists had nothing to do with men thinking they deserved sex for being nice. It was that women wanted to use men without impunity for attention, food, gifts, resources, and lifting heavy objects.

    2. I get the attention angle, but why insist to come back to my room alone when I was fine talking to her/giving her attention in more public areas?

    3. I think your anti-game messed up this lay. My interpretation is that she lost sexual interest in you because of your fumbling around. You could have pulled your dick out, went for her boobies, or rubbed her crotch, all as you are taking off her clothes.

  3. Aaron,
    “A woman can do a push/pull over the course of a longer interaction, but as part of it, she may give you a number of mixed signals.”

    1. How would you if a girl is leading you on compared to giving you mix signals because they kind off overlap between each other.

    2. Do all women engage in mix signals or just Cluster B women?

    “Push/pull, hot/cold and playing-hard-to-get are all just synonyms for the same kind of female behavior.”

    3. Why is it when a woman engages in push/pull, teases a guy, toys with him, that men often get more and more attach to her? Whenever a woman withdraws attention/affection, the guy gets more obsessed with her. It seems like it works really well on inexperienced men. Oddly enough, these women aren’t interested in banging the guy as you noted that mix signals indicate sexual interest but not in this case.

    “There is also the angle that women want to feel pursued, so you will not be able to sidestep this part of the mating dance anyway.”

    4. I met this particular girl when I was in my mid-20s. We hooked up the first-time we met, but we didn’t bang until a few days later. Once I banged her, her behavior completely changed. She told me that she wanted to be chased like a lion chases its prey, but unfortunately, she told me that I killed the chase. After that, she never talked to me again.

    1. 1) A girl giving you mixed signals will allow you to sexually escalate, unlike a woman who only wants to lead you on.

      2) I think this is more common among Cluster B women as they have the tendency of wanting to use sex as a means of exerting power over men. They are highly manipulative, and they also seem to enjoy dancing on the razor’s edge. Some of those women seem to only want to play hard to get, but if they do not watch their arousal, they end up with your dick in them in a bathroom stall because they lose control over their sex drive.

      3) This has more to do with particular men. I would say that more experienced men get annoyed at some point and stop pursuing women who engage in push/pull too much. This applies to both cock teases and women who genuinely want you to seduce them, i.e. put them in a situation where they can act on their sexual impulses.

      4) This sounds like a Cluster B woman. Note that you can find the same behavior among men who lose interest in women after they have banged them. However, this is much more common in men than women. There is also a more visceral aspect to those women: if you bang them without a condom, and particularly if you came in them, they often keep banging you. In fact, I think that condom sex messes with a female’s sexual instincts, i.e. she bangs the guy but it does not feel as good and she does not feel you blowing a load in her either (this would be a fascinating topic for academic research but, unfortunately, such lines of inquiry are currently not possible). Thus, sex feels less fulfilling for her than otherwise. Women who are not bothered by this tend to view sex much more as a means of control over men.

    2. Interesting point with #4. I’d like to see some studies on the biological effects of circumcision and the overall sexual satisfaction of women receiving cut dicks in comparison to uncut ones while we’re at it. And why would anyone trust and medically unnecessary procedure on their newborn baby after the shit show that was that last few years?

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