The Willingness to Change

I recently got a new client who asked me to systematically assess his looks and lifestyle and give him pointers on how to improve them in order to maximize the his smash yield. He has been very receptive to my suggestions. For instance, when I suggested a particular hairstyle and trim of his beard, he just said, “Done!”. About an hour after our call, he sent me a video of his new haircut and beard trim. He was happy with the results, and even happier when quickly afterwards chicks messaged him how “hot” his new look is. This stood out to me as I am more used to people putting up a bit of resistance when suggesting changes. Even if their lifestyle and look are essentially the result of randomness, they nonetheless stick to it as it is what they are used to.

It takes a certain mental flexibility to ask someone for advice, consider the advice, and finally following it. What I have occasionally observed is that some people want your advice but don’t want to really change anything about themselves. An extreme case happened a few years ago when a pretty overweight guy wanted to book some sessions, and I bluntly told him that he should strongly consider losing his excess weight if he wants to get more successful with women. Surely, plenty of PUAs would just have taken this guy’s money and told him that looks don’t matter. Similarly, I recall people living in small towns telling me that there are not enough viable women around, yet they “like it here”, so moving is not an option. (Article continues below.)

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Not all change is necessarily good. Yet, when the cost as well as any potential negative effects are effectively zero, it is worth a try. Getting a haircut that complements the shape of your head may be something you have never considered, yet it can make a big difference. Sure, there are instances where open-mindedness leads to negative outcomes, so the point is certainly not to mindlessly swallow anything someone on the Internet tells you is a good idea. Obviously, this is how marketing works and it is quite shocking that anybody who does not fall for this is part of a very small minority. This is not really what this article is about. Instead, it is about the problem that some people accept your reasoning and logically understand that some change may benefit them, yet they refuse to act on it as it would undermine their self-image.

I think that the ability to change part of your image, such as deciding to slim down or bulk up, requires that you have a healthy self-image. You have to know that you’ll be alright even if you change your appearance. Your haircut isn’t really you and wearing clothes that accentuate your physique does not make you gay. In contrast, someone who is, for instance, badly out of shape has an entirely different point of view. They may even have realized years ago that they have been heading down the wrong path. Yet, they did not want to face up to this fact and instead doubled down. To them, slimming down and losing all the excess fat they accumulated over years would be an admission that a lifestyle choice they may have retained for a decade or more was a rather poor one. It takes strength of character to admit that to yourself, but that is a lot more difficult than keeping up whatever bad lifestyle choices you have been cultivating.

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