Harmful but Convenient Self-Images and their Relation to Reality

If you are used to questioning your beliefs and have managed to change some of them throughout your life, you may find it difficult to grasp that some people would rather suffer the consequences of holding questionable beliefs than admit that they are wrong. This is most obvious in the case of women who advocate for open borders and end up getting raped and killed by the men they wanted to settle in their country. Men can likewise lose their life due to dumb decisions. There is a case I recently heard about among my wider social circle of a guy who “died early”. From what I gathered, after his wife left him, he drowned himself in alcohol and then he killed himself.

As unpleasant as such stories may be, they have in common that they could be prevented. All it take is perceiving reality as it is. I don’t even understand why women go out on their own at night and get wasted. It’s not as if they could put up much of a defense even if they were sober. Yet, we tell them “you-go-girl” stories according to which there are no dangers in the world. For a while, there was a story about some chick getting raped by an illegal migrant in his apartment seemingly every other day in the Swedish press. It was always the same: the chick thought she could score some virtue points by hanging out with a Somali or an Ethopian or a member of the ethnicity of any of the other MENA countries that are well-known for producing boatloads of doctors and engineers. Yet, the migrant eventually thought that if there is a chick in his room, she better put out, and the rapin’ commenced. Probably this still still happens and the media has simply stopped reporting on it.

The case with betabuxxers who kill themselves because their wife has left them is similar. They get told that they need a woman in their life and that it is normal to get treated like crap. Hollywood movies have done a good job hammering home that point. Yet, once the charade is up, they realize that they have been living a lie and can’t handle it. Surely, they must have felt that something was off when their wife ritually abused them or the kids disrespected him in public. Yet, after missing one exit ramp after another, being trapped in a marriage with an abusive wife is their identity. As horrible as this might seem to an outsider, to them it is their life. It is what they know and are comfortable with. (Article continues below.)

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Arguably the key to superior mental health is to perceive the world as it is. This is surprisingly simple. Just look at what happens and how people treat you, and do not make any excuses for the behavior of others. If your girlfriend treats you poorly, you need to admit this to yourself and make excuses for her bad behavior. This one is incredibly common. The same is true if your supposed friends treat you poorly. If you always have to call them to hang out but the reverse never happens, then they clearly don’t value your company all that much. Or think of friends who always mooch off you, yet never return the favor. You will be better off without them.

I think the main reason why people make up excuses for other people’s behavior is that is easier to not rock the boat. It is infinitely easier for a spineless beta cuck to get berated by his abusive girlfriend than it is to stand up to her. You may also have heard of statistics that in the vast majority of cases, women initiate the breakup of a relationship. Do you think those were all happy relationships for the guy? In reality, in many such cases, the woman just leeched off the guy as much as she could before moving on.

It is the same phenomenon when someone complains about their job or their apartment or their car. It is much more difficult to fix something than to complain and instead just tolerate a bad situation. In some cases, however, this is only valid up to a point. In any case, those people pay for their apathy dearly. They may not admit that there is a problem but it will gnaw on them regardless. In some cases, this goes on until it is too late, like some dudes who kill themselves after their wife left them. They knew all along that they were in a really bad relationship but they could deny this as long as they were playing along. Yet, this is no longer possible if the woman pulls the rug out from under their feet. You should not have too much pity with such men, though, because they quite likely knew that they were entering a bad deal. In the end, people can only delude themselves for so long as eventually reality will smack them right in the face. The longer you deny reality, the harder this punch in your face will be.

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3 thoughts on “Harmful but Convenient Self-Images and their Relation to Reality

  1. I know such a guy in real life.

    He married a woman from Russia. Few years into the marriage, it was getting more and more obvious she used him to get into Austria. (at least for friends of him)

    Eventually he found quite clear evidence that she was cheating on him. (at least to everyone but him it was very clear)

    So, everyone, including me, gave him the advice to divorce her. He would have to pay a few years worth of alimony, but it would still be the best outcome. Often in life just cutting your loses is the best decision you can make.

    But he didn’t divorce her. He explained divorce would mean he failed as a man. (typical case of sunken cost bias, and having an ego which is harming you)

    She also told him she is infertile. He believed her. Now they have a child. And he still didn’t divorce her. So now he will have to pay her almost 40% of his salary for the next ~20 years.

    And all of this because he could not (or didn’t want to) admit to himself that he made a mistake in marrying her.

    This guy also told me “he don’t want to pay for sex!”. Well, he paid quite a lot. (actually if you sum it up, he paid much more to fuck one average woman, then I paid to fuck at least ~200 hotties)
    (and the kid might not even be from him!)

    Cases like this make it very hard for me not to see the vast majority of men as total cucks and idiots. It is not women who are the problem, but men. Women just follow the incentives that were laid out for them by men.
    The woman in this example, she did nothing wrong. She basically got everything she wanted (child + citizenship in Austria + a provider who pays her shit for the next 20 years, and she don’t need to fuck him or even see him).
    Honestly, if I was a woman, I would do exactly the same.

  2. The majority of people have “status quo” bias when it comes to their beliefs.

    If you point out a flaw in them, instead of changing their belief, they will get angry at you.
    A lot perceive it as a personal attack if you point out a flaw in their thinking.

    Evolutionary, it makes a lot of sense that we have this bias.

    Whatever beliefs you hold, you know one thing about them with 100% certainty:
    they didn’t kill you so far. And in a dangerous world, this is quite a lot.

    Especially since most of our ancestors lived in a quite stable environment. There were no new technologies which changed the rules of society every few years.

    And add to that the social pressures which come from living in a small tribe, in which a wrong belief could easily make you a social outcast.

    So it makes a lot of sense that most people are highly resistant to changing their minds, even if the beliefs are harming them.

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