Recently, we have been talking about experiences with difficult women on this blog. As it turned out, some of you have encountered or even had relationships with women suffering from cluster B personality disorders. It’s probably a bit of a stretch to say that those women “suffer” because they seem to quite enjoy living out their madness, with many being opposed to treatment. My ex-wife was and never stuck to therapy as well as to any kind of medication. She certainly was happy to try a lot of things, probably in an attempt to see if there was a way to get some “narcissistic supply” from it.
Anyway, as I was thinking about some of the exchanges we have had on here, I remembered that in my private life people used to not discuss problems with their girlfriends, even your closest friends didn’t do so. I’m now a bit older and I’m no longer surprised when a friend or even sometimes an acquaintance who needs someone to talk to just drops a bomb by telling me that his girlfriend is a “total bitch” and he needs to get rid of her, but doesn’t quite know how. I don’t think my experience is partcularly unique. Sure, writing about the women problem for over a decade and offering consultation sessions for about as long, I have interacted with many more men than the average guy. Yet, it is still the case that the average guy today seems much more willing to share his frustrations with women than he or his predecessors used to be one or two decades ago.
I recall teenage friends pretending that their girlfriends were perfect when everybody else knew that he got himself a reprehensible woman who fucks around behind his back. One guy I knew had a chick who stole money from him and I wasn’t quite sure whether he pretended he didn’t notice it or whether he thought it was a price worth paying. You may now wonder how come I knew that. Well, she also liked to drink and she didn’t have much of a filter. In other words, she bragged about it. For instance, if he had four 50 Euro banknotes in his wallet, she’d take one or two, and when questioned, she’d either pretend to not know what he wanted, gaslight him and tell him that she was sure she saw two such banknotes stick out of his wallet, or blow up in his face because it was utterly unacceptable that he insinuated that she was stealing from him, the guy she loved more than anything else in the world. This is not too different from women you have a one-night stand with, telling you how they can’t wait to move on from their boyfriend, sometimes asking you right afterwards if you’d be willing to dating them.
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Furthermore, I think many guys almost took pride in getting abused by their woman at home. Admitting to others that you can’t handle your woman was presumably also an admission that you weren’t a “real man”. Apparently, “real men” take all the shit in the world and don’t ever complain. I do think that this was the prevalent attitude even a mere ten years ago, when it seemed that guys wanted to get laid or get a girlfriend at all costs.
The fact that some men now openly discuss their issues has done a lot to make us realize that maybe the problem is not us. Instead, it is the fact that the typical woman is simply difficult to deal with. There is the saying that if everybody you encounter is an asshole, then maybe the problem is that you are the asshole. That may indeed the case. Yet, you could very well be in an environment in which indeed everybody is a fucking asshole. Likewise, you could be an upright, go-getting guy with a lot going for him and every girl you meet could nonetheless be a megalomanic, egocentrical bitch who thinks you’re beneath her because you’re a man. I think our situation is not quite as bad. Yet, the expectations men have on women are presumably at an all-time low and they still can’t find a woman who could tick those few boxes.
The problem is society, which encourages women to become walking liabilities for men. We had to see many of us getting slaughtered in divorce court, becoming alcoholics, or ending up with clinical depression. We have also learned to critically reflect on our own relationships and drew our own conclusions from them. As a consequence, today’s men are very weary of women and nobody can blame them. None of this would have been possible had we stuck to yesteryear’s ideal of allowing your girlfriend or wife to abuse you and not talk about it to anyone.
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