Many men, even attractive ones, drastically underestimate where they rank in terms of attractiveness. There are many reasons for this. With younger men, an issue is that women their age may simply have access to a larger dating pool. An 18-year old girl could date guys of any age and may realistically go for someone seven to eight years older than her without much pushback. In contrast, an attractive 18-year old guy may have to simply wait it out until he has gotten a bit older himself as he can’t plausibly date younger women in many parts of the Western world.
As guys get older, their self-image may be lagging behind reality. Having internalized that they didn’t get laid much in their youth, or not as much as they would have liked, they think that they are unattractive. On top, they get bombarded with images of very attractive people: trending videos on Facebook, YouTube, and TikTok often have hot women (and men) in them. Social media platforms that are based on pictures are not much different in that regard. Then there are movies and videogames. While there have been concerted efforts to uglify movies and videogames, at least with regards to female characters, male characters are as buff and sexually attractive as they ever were. When was the last time you saw a busty, hot chick in a Western movie or video game that made you get a random boner? Thought so. In contrast, buff dudes are a dime a dozen.
It seems that too many men compare themselves to the most attractive specimens of their sex. Oftentimes, those images may even be edited, if not partly computer-generated. Lighting and cosmetic surgery are further factors. Thus, it would help to step into the real world a bit more often. I was reminded of this when I recently attended an industry event that catered to people in a particular technical field. If you wanted to see good-looking people, this was the wrong event. While it wasn’t the case that the place swarmed with short, deformed, obese neck-beards with greasy long hair, it was nonetheless not a pretty sight.
My rough estimate was that among the roughly 100 guys in the venue, at most five could have been considered attractive: they were tall, in reasonable shape, and dressed well enough. Among the rest, more than half had clothes that didn’t fit well or wore colors that clashed with their skin tone. Personal hygiene was a problem as well and, yes, a lot of the guys were short. Then again, I’m 6’3″ so I tend to perceive most people as short. In that room, though, there was one guy who has even taller than me, but judging by how he had dressed, he’s been wasting his potential.
More or less every guy who ever told me that he thinks he’s average-looking would have easily stood out in that kind of audience. Now you can say that a geeky tech event is not indicative of reality, but it is. This was underscored by my subsequent ride home on public transport. Man, if you ever think that you’re not good-looking enough, take the bus, train, or subway, and you’ll surely feel better about yourself afterwards.
There is, however, one aspect that I should not ignore: today’s women perceive the world largely through their smartphone and they likewise have a skewed perception of reality. Yet, they are the selectors, so they may think that the top 0.01% kind of guys she’s been ogling online is representative of men in general. Thus, her standards go through the roof. This is part of the reason why many men find online dating so unsatisfying. Sure, in that arena, you compete against the Giga-Chads in your city or even wider metropolitan area, which may be a tough battle. In contrast, offline your chances are arguably better.
Lastly, it is possible that you’re way above average looking but women still ignore you. I think there is a trend that women increasingly zero in on an ever-smaller percentage of men. After all, a male 10/10 is only a few swipes away. However, as much as women love attention, they do love sex as well. Women get more encouragement than ever before to spread their legs, so I don’t think we will see significant numbers happily holding out for men they will never get. Instead, they will just do what they’ve been doing for decades — “they” refers to the whole female sex since the 1960s as well as some women in their personal lives who have been sexually active since their early teens if not sooner — which is to hold out for those elusive top guys but to happily give themselves to any decent-looking enough guy who comes along in the meantime. There is a sweet irony of this: women may want a one-night stand with the hot enough guy, or maybe a fling that lasts a few weeks, but want a relationship with the top-shelf guy. Yet, the decent-enough guy may be interested in a relationship while the top-shelf guy much more often than not isn’t. The decent-enough guy may think he can’t do much better than her, but the top-shelf guy knows that the next willing woman is just around the corner. I’d say that this is a great life hack for a good-looking guy who is maybe at around the 65th to 80th percentile in looks, i.e. quite good looking but not in the category of top-shelf men. However, before you start believing that you’re at, for instance, the 70th percentile, take a good look at yourself because it could easily be that you’re a male 9/10 with the self-image of Joe Average. I’ve seen it happen countless times.
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