The Truth about Male Charisma

In a recent article, I showed why the supposed superior social skills of women are nothing but a fantasy. Once their looks are gone, their manipulative powers disappear. Subsequently, I thought about male charisma. I remembered that when I was much younger, I sometimes met guys, peers and superiors alike, whom I perceived to be rather charismatic. They were the center of attention. yet, as I got older, I seem to meet fewer and fewer charismatic people. It’s not that the issue is that my peer group has deteriorated. Quite the opposite is the case.

Instead, as I gained more experience, I simply realized that plenty of goals people strive for are not really worthwhile. Also, I have become quite skeptical. I can honestly say that I have hardly ever met anyone who left an impression on me. As a case in point, I used to admire academics. Yet, after I spent some time at university, I realized that they are, mostly, a bunch of losers who can’t make it in the real world. This is even true in STEM fields. There is an utterly staggering amount of corruption, such as professors from a particular country only accepting PhD students from the same country, or women getting professorships who have a track record with which a man would not even get a post-doc position or possibly not even a PhD.

Then there is the problem of the private sphere. As a young, impressionable lad, you may see some guy with a nice, big car, a couple of kids, and an attractive wife, and think that he’s made it. Then you learn that the kids are misbehaved, his wife is cheating on him, and his car wasn’t bought with cash. I also met the occasional fake alpha who talked a big game but who was completely under the thumb of his wife who held all the strings. Also, there are supposedly successful guys who get bankrolled by their family. They would not openly talk about this, though. The consequence of such encounters was that I don’t make any assumptions about other people. As a general rule, very few people achieve success in life because of their great charisma and hard work. Oftentimes, they just got a big leg up; this may mean being able to do a few unpaid internships on their father’s dime, which allowed them to break into their chosen industry, while plenty of other people who may be more intelligent or more hard-working did not have that opportunity.

What I also learned is that whenever you take on any kind of leadership role, you seem to automatically gain charisma, albeit only temporarily. For instance, if you give a talk at a conference or a meet-up, it may well happen that a gaggle of people from the audience will seek you out during the break to talk to you. An outsider observing this may think that this is due to charisma, when it’s simply due to you putting yourself out there. Related are questions of hierarchy. You probably don’t interrupt the director of your company division when you are in a meeting together. Guys simply defer to hierarchy. If you are at the bottom, you may jokey for status among your peers, but in any serious job, you probably don’t have time for that. On the other hand, once you move up in the hierarchy and get to boss around some people, something quite curious happens: you immediately gain authority and people start deferring to you.

I am not quite sure where charisma even comes into play. I think it’s only something you ascribe to others, and oftentimes, it is not warranted. Some loud-mouth Chad who drinks a lot and bangs a ton of Stacies may have the admiration of some beta males, but anybody who has done the same is just not very impressed by it. Similarly, once you’ve achieved what you want to get out of life, you’ll probably care a lot less about others and some supposedly charismatic leader may not evoke any reaction at all in you.

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12 thoughts on “The Truth about Male Charisma

  1. what is charisma then? i have no idea.
    authority and social statues sure. charisma idk.
    also you need to think about height and level of masculinity in a man, what i see is that the taller the guy the more respect and good treatment he gets
    same with masculinity.
    thus the masculine tall guys get all those people by their genetic wiring to listen to them. of course it doesnt work on everybody but it still covers large enough portions just like with smashing thots.
    i remember 195 cm guy with a nice body, he got a lot of attention and from guys too. 🙁 as a 175-177 guy i dont get that kind of privilege also tall people dont know how it is like to be without it.

  2. There’s actually a pretty good book on this that gets into the scientific side of charisma. It’s called “the charisma code”. Great read.

    Basically it boils down charisma to being a mix of two things:

    1) You give off the perception that you have a lot of power/status/something of value to the perceiver

    2) You give off the perception that you are benevolent in sharing that with the perceiver

    If you only have 2 (you give off the perception that you’re willing to help people out and do things to their benefit) but aren’t perceived to have extraordinary value/status or anything of worth… then you’re “a nice guy” or a pushover, not charismatic.

    If you give off the perception that you have a lot of power/wealth/value but are not gonna share it with the perceiver, then you’re deemed “an asshole”. It’s that combination which is perceived as charisma.

    – Basically, if a high-status tall guy in expensive clothes smiles at a girl and gives her a compliment, it’s charisma.

    – If a meek weak guy that appears of average means smiles at her and gives her a compliment, it’s not charisma

    1. Who is the author of that book? Robin Sol Lieberman?

      There are a couple of books with that title.

    2. Oh sorry I messed up the name. The book i’m referring to is the charisma MYTH* by Olivia Fox Cabane (Author)

  3. Great post. From what I see, most of the men that had any kind of charisma only had it because of the leadership or management position that are in via their jobs and many of these guys are some of the biggest beta schlubs outside of that job. Otherwise the majority of people are not charismatic and it is like this society is beating it out of everyone.

    1. Won’t a men be perceived as more charismatic when he is tall, has broad shoulders and a deep voice?

      Only if combined with the other half of charisma… otherwise he’ll be perceived as an asshole, not charismatic.

      Charisma is perceived value/power + perceived benevolance.

      Those 3 things you mentioned add to perceived value/power, which can add to charisma.

  4. Interesting

    I think all those things add to charisma – height, build, voice can add a previous ‘point’ to the overall charisma

    Like speed, strength, fitness, conditioning in a fight

    But yes there is the less tangible element called Charisma which is real and can he equation to being a successful fighter.

    A tall guy can easily be outwitted, insulted, beaten up by a guy shorter than him …. in that case tall guy becomes ‘lanky’.

    What you guys are on about temporary charisma is plain old Power.

    Real charisma that can shift attention away from even a guy – taller, better looking than you is very possible – but like many qualities is rare at higher stages.

  5. it’s probably more to do with confidence than anything

    and dont forget, most people are really fucking stupid (or at least not as smart as they could be if they woke the fuck up)

    it’s always interesting to see how people behave, like how they watch a movie or how they have a conversation or sit on a bus… it’s really like being in a zoo and watching a bunch of monkeys

    if you are experienced with meditation and all that shit you will observe a general lack of meta-awareness (aware of their own awareness)

    basically people are zombies

    anyone who will make them feel a little special will probably be perceived as charismatic

    and people who make them feel bad they will think is an asshole

    according to my dictionairy charisma means:
    Compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.

    1. anyone who will make them feel a little special will probably be perceived as charismatic

      and people who make them feel bad they will think is an asshole

      Pretty much

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