Blog reader Alvin quite recently left a comment on sex and its appeal for inexperienced men on the latest Open Thread. I quote the main part:
For me personally, I think when I didn’t have sex there was a kind of “mystique” about it. Once I had it however, that mystique faded; I found that it can be fun, but it wasn’t worth spending a lot of my energy on.
There is quite a bit to talk about. First and foremost, I fully agree with him that inexperienced men easily expect too much from sex. This is furthered by every guy who gets laid once in a blue moon perpetuating the bullshit narrative that sex is oh-so-great. There some other aspects I’d like to highlight. Also, there is a related post on my old blog, which you may want to read as well: Who came up with the “sex is the greatest thing in the world” nonsense?
Sure, sex is fun. However, it is not worth turning your life upside down for it. I think the entire PUA industry would never have gotten off the ground if guys had just paid a hundred bucks for a hooker, get laid once, and then realize that they were chasing a chimera. Sure, you can get laid, but real-life sex is a lot different from what you see in porn. Also, the time investment may not be worth it, as Alvin stated above. On my old blog we often made fun of guys who spent 2,500 bucks on a PUA boot camp instead of banging 25 hookers. The latter would have helped their “game” infinitely more, though.
If an inexperienced guy would just fuck a hooker, a lot of their supposed psychological problems and hookups would go away immediately. I think it’s generally a good idea for a virgin to just pay for sex. Do it once or twice, and get it over with. You’ll learn that it’s not all that special. More importantly, you’ll hopefully quickly get to the point where a woman temporarily will make your IQ drop by 40 points just because you imagine that you could, finally, get laid.
The purpose of sex is to have children. It also facilitates bonding in a romantic relationship. Those two aspects normally go hand-in-hand. In the underclass and in a liberal utopia in which single mothers get impregnated by artificial sperm this may not be the case, but for normal people it is. So, let’s say you go out and want to get laid. Which are the chicks who turn you on and whom you may feel drawn to on a subconscious level? Well, if you’re looking for a one-night stand, you’re interested in women who are available and whom you find arousing. While a woman like that gets your dick hard and may happily let you get your dick wet, the issue is that it would be completely harebrained to engage in a relationship with her. This leads to a big problem: the kind of women you may want to fuck, because they dress sluttily and signal that they are sexually available, would be the worst possible mothers of your children you could imagine.
This leads to the observation that your sex drive can easily lead you astray. If you want variety, you can of course chase after women. Alternatively, open your wallet and pull out a few bills. That’ll do the trick as well. I’d say the bullshit you go through with women, even those you think you’ll just fuck, is normally not worth it.
If you want to have children, look for a woman from a traditional background. Of course she should be attractive. However, sex should not be the first thing on your mind. Well, have fun finding that unicorn. (There are a few out there; it’s just that the odds are very low.) On the other hand, if you are a slave to your cock, you’ll be very likely to make really poor life decisions. Thus, you need to get to the point where you can enjoy sex for what it is, instead of chasing after some fantasy about what it would be like, based on your lack of experience with real women, but extensive exposure to porn.
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Aaron, I mostly agree–albeit I would make one clarification: Sex can indeed be fantastic and earth-shaking if you are a top or “alpha” man like yourself. If you are a regular average Joe, you need to be realistic about it as you point out.
The pursuit of great sex, for men, is 100% the analogue to the pursuit of a fairy-tale or storybook romance for women: sure, it exists, but you’re going to need to bring one flippin’ heck of a lot to the table to get it in the human economy that we live in.
Well, even if you get laid easily, the issue is that you will invariably run into women who will try to mess with your life. In the end, you may pay a high price for x minutes of sex. Have you even gotten annoyed by some chick who just didn’t stop pestering you online or even stalked you in real life after having sex? Also, relationships require a significant investment of time, so it’s a trade-off, even if you are happy with your girlfriend or wife.
Is sex better than jerking off? Yeah. Is it 10,000 times better? Fuck no.
And this is where the rubber meets the road. If having sex with new hot women was as easy as grabbing something from the fridge, we’d say it’s fucking amazing.
It’s compared to the investment of time and effort where it dissapoints.
Well… you can have porn-like sex in real life. The thing that makes it disappointing is that in real life it requires effort and energy, which the guys in the porn flick didn’t have to invest.
Absolute friggin’ truth from the mountain from Novy. Sad, but true.
Do you think men who are attracted to other women than the one (or two or more) whom they are in a long term relationship with refrain from infidelity in the context of what you said above?
Surely you don’t believe attraction is not special although the culmination of it (sex) is not exactly special. It certainly is not special if you don’t feel a connection to the other person.
I’d say he didn’t mean to say that. The point is: for quite some time in Western societies sex has been made into some kind of secular religion. Somethin mysterious and utterly prrcious to obtain or partake in. Into a supposed pathway to happiness and “salvation” or even deliverance from the harsh reality of life in this world.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Sex will not “save” or “deliver” anybody or relive him or her from any deep pressing problems. Neither is it a religion or source of “enlightenment” all unto itself.
Don’t just think of the pleasure that fornication brings to you, think also of health risk that Sleazy has frankly wrote elsewhere years ago. I had a friend whom I know quite well back in China, it was known that he got Hepatitis B after coming back to Canada. Considering that he had slept around those days, it was not suprised to me that he found himself in such an uncomfortable situation. I was lucky to not getting caught anything during that “bright” time of mine.
Fun in bedroom always entails risk, rewards come to the mind first, but never risk, until it translates directly into real harms.
“On my old blog we often made fun of guys who spent 2,500 bucks on a PUA boot camp instead of banging 25 hookers. The latter would have helped their “game” infinitely more, though.”
That’s one of my beefs with that Blackdragon guy, who as you wrote about, was one of those kinds of PUA coaches selling BS.
I recall he says that if you need to bang hookers, then you have no game. So you should therefore work on your game and get women the PUA way, i.e. without paying for it. (Never mind the fact that you probably have to spend money on PUA courses, going to clubs, buying some drinks, and most expensive, spending your TIME to do all this.)
Here’s an example of that BD guy saying when it’s OK to pay for sex: http://archive.is/DruJP
In fact, he claims paying for sex is “beta”.
Hmmm, seems like a power move to pay for sex. For example, “Hi Lady Escort…here’s 150USD, blow me, then I bang you…then you GTFO!”
No drama, no “DHV”, no AMOG, no raising your SMV to validate yourself to a capricious gender…seems pretty beta to do all of these PUA things!
He should take into account how much your typical cucked beta male pays, directly and indirectly, to keep a girlfriend or wife. Compared to that, even high-class escorts are dirt-cheap. It’s much more “alpha” to put a few bills on the table and your dick in some whore as opposed to having some at best average woman take you for everything you’re worth, while hardly ever putting out.
I think chasing pussy is the most ‘beta’ activity there is. If you have your life in order and get women with relatively little effort, then go for it. However, going out weekend after weekend, hoping that you get lucky, as beta bros call it, is a thoroughly emasculating experience. It’s probably no surprise those guys normally drink a lot to make their nights out more tolerable.
Few decades ago (mid ’80) when said (feminist) things (sex withdrawal and such) just gets momentum Eddie Murphy makes jokes about it in his stand-up movie Raw.
Look how people laugh their asses of it. Back to now, guess how many of them would laugh. I wonder if anyone would laugh at this today.
pussy trap – most relevant to this article:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNzPEcDOVeI
marriage – how cucks are busted [same tricks for over 30 years]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SniOXFhwIZ8
relationships between sexes – sad reality (“you dont own me” and “cheating at different zip code doesnt count”)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rn5HZKgZl7Y
What changed besides date? laws – you as a man have less rights and you are always guilty.