Dating · Men

Determination and pickup

In my last article, Your sex drive vs. your desire of picking up women, I mentioned that one motivation behind my wild seducer days was that I was pretty obsessed with sex for a while. It’s doubtful whether I could seriously have called myself a sex-addict, but seeing how wishy-washy a discipline psychology is, I probably would have gotten a diagnosis after talking to less than five clinical psychologists.

While I don’t think I was a sex addict, there is another aspect of my personality that most certainly played a role: I am rather strong-willed and determined to the point of stubbornness. Had I been a relaxed laid-back soy boy, I don’t think I would have bothered picking up one chick after another. Instead, I would happily have followed the mainstream blueprint of a relationship, i.e. being the cucked beta bitch boy of a misbehaving woman who does not even put out. I wanted to get laid with a lot of women, so I focussed on that. Had I not wanted to get laid with lots of women, I would have spent my time on something else.

I consider the entire field of motivational psychology to be a crock of shit. If you really want to do something, you do it, and if you don’t, then dangling a carrot on a stick in front of you won’t change anything. You may only end up resenting the people who want to “motivate” you. A concrete example is the ongoing trend of organizations, particularly in tech and creative industries, to blur the line between work and spare time. They put a foosball table and a PlayStation in the office, drop a dozen six-packs of beers on the kitchen table once a week, and want you to socialize with your work colleagues so that you readily put in unpaid overtime. This is not really motivation but blatant manipulation because people end up feeling guilty if they head home while their colleagues put in face time.

Some time ago I had a client for a consultation call who had an issue that is highly relevant to this post. He claimed he wanted to get laid, but asked me to help him get motivated to actually go out and hit on chicks. To me this was baffling, so we spent some time talking about why he thought he needed to have a girlfriend or fleeting sexual encounters. Some men are perfectly fine without women in their life. I was perfectly happy in my adolescence when I deliberately steered clear of women. Others would be just as happy if they weren’t so influenced by peer pressure to settle down. Of course, such guys are rare, but they tend to be important for society. In case you’re wondering what happened to that client of mine: his passion was his studies, and he ended up getting into a PhD program at a top university instead of raising the average IQ of the clubs and bars in his area. He’ll be fine, and in case he wanted to get women later in life it would be quite easy for him, seeing that he is in a field that is very much in demand in the labor market. (One issue, though, is that lack of experience makes you an easy mark for scheming women, so you should at least get to the point where you don’t fall in love just because some gold-digger gave you a blowjob.)

For guys who are not obsessed with sex and don’t want to devote themselves to some field of study or craft or skill to master, there are of course healthier approaches to dating. However, in this case it is most important to adjust your expectations. If you are not driven to bang a lot of girls, you most likely won’t ever end up with banging three different girls on a single day. Thus, be clear of what you want to get out of picking up women and go for it — Minimal Game is the ideal manual for that kind of approach. For most of you, your energies are arguably better spent elsewhere than on obsessively picking up women.

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11 thoughts on “Determination and pickup

  1. What about a hybrid of the two goals; i.e. a high-libido man who is looking for the same in a woman for a monogamous LTR. I haven’t seen you discuss this priority much, and am looking forward to a post on this topic.

    1. In that case, the problem is that your high-libido girlfriend or wife man feel too tempted to cheat on you. I have the impression that women have a harder time to delay gratification, which is evidenced by the fact that they carry more credit-card debt. Add to that that it is easier for women to cheat than for men because opportunities will just come to the former, where the latter have to actively put in some effort, and you end up in a situation you probably do not want to be in.

    2. High-libido women are never monogamous. They always cheat. And they have psychological problems that make them act that way. Mostly they are raised by single mothers. Not relationship material. Pump and dump only. But even that’s a risky thing to do. They are the types that go crackpot on you after you dump them. They turn into stalkers or make fals rape accusations. Fucking them can be a great experience in the moment. But i always regretted it afterwards. They always cause problems later on.

    3. Martin L. If you are looking for a woman that looks like a model. Fucks like a pornstar. Behaves like a angel. And is monogamous. Sorry to disappoint you. She doesn’t exist. And if you ever think you’ve found one. RUN! You’re dealing with a monster. No woman has all these qualities. If she seems to have it all. She’s just a great manipulating bitch. These are the most dangerous women. They seem to be send from heaven. But they’ll give you hell for sure.

  2. You talk about guys with high sex-drive. What’s your take on this whole ‘no fap’ (i.e. not jerking off) or “semen retention” stuff that Taoist practitioners preach? I ask since you, Aaron, are into meditation for a while. Is all this semen retention and ‘no fap’ a bunch of nonsense?

    1. Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll address this in a future post, probably as Aaron S. Elias.

  3. I think you actually hinted at a type of motivation that I think makes great sense. It’s what I used and recommend to friends whom I advise on this topic.

    (One issue, though, is that lack of experience makes you an easy mark for scheming women, so you should at least get to the point where you don’t fall in love just because some gold-digger gave you a blowjob.)

    Not just so that you’re not a “complete sucker”. I think it’s wise for every man to get a certain level of experience to get CLOSURE. Just so that you’re sure what you want or don’t want out of women.

    As a guy with less than 10 lays you actually don’t know what you want out of women etc… Everyone should get there just so that you have it “under your belt” and out of the way.

    1. The cognitive dissonance that you have chipping away at you (when you have little experience) is horrible. It prevents you from focusing on other life goals.

      Saying “oh just focus on other goals and ignore women” is great in theory. But in practice for a lot of guys just can’t. You always feel guilty and “maybe I should be getting laid, what if time is passing me by?”.

      So I’d say everyone needs to get those 10 lays out of the way just to “get it sorted”. Because then you can file it as “resolved”. If and when in the future you want to go and get laid more, you have the pre-requisite (80-20) type of experience.

      You’ll have a much clearer mind and ability to focus on your other goals if you have “this getting laid thing sorted” and “out of the way”… And ironically enough, if you’re at this level of experience… you occasionally get laid without even trying – even if you’re just 100% focusing on other goals.

      We has a conversation about those first ten lays and their importance over here:

  4. I was always surprised where you got all the energy to keep a blog and forum running, not getting tired of dissect pick up twaddlers and even write books on women, mating rituals and so one. I had my first sexual encounters with 13 and had never an absence of girls – not the best looking ones – but i do like reading and thought, if someone writes a book on getting top-shelf women he spent enough time to know what he’s talking about. Kind of amusing that most books are bullshit.

    I’m glad that you have or had the energy to invest so much time into that! Because if not, i wouldn’t have extended my knowlegde through great books like minimal game or club game.

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