Gender Dynamics · Mindset

You Need to Lead

Sometimes, I meet a guy who is seemingly doing quite well with women. You look at him and you conclude that there is no way that this dude does not get laid. Yet, there is the phenomenon of the “chadcel”, to borrow a term AlekNovy introduced on this blog, i.e. good-looking guys who could get a lot of women but don’t because they mess things up. Most often, it’s a failure to sexually escalate.

I thought about how to convey this problem to guys who suffer from it and noticed that it is actually quite easy. All I needed to experience is having a bad manager. I get the impression that a sizeable chunk of my readers works in a STEM field. In those, there is an enormous push to “diversify” the workforce, which means hiring more women and minorities. Oh, wait, the latter isn’t quite right. I should have written “non-Asian minorities”. Behind closed doors, you may even get people to admit that they have to lower their standards to increase their imposed hiring standards.

Yet, the problem in STEM fields is that you need to have some quantifiable and objectve knowledge. If you lack that, you will not be effective at your job. Some companies, as they are apparently legally barred from firing women and non-Asian minorities, try to solve this problem by, for instance, promoting those people to middle management, give them a b.s. job like “Scrum Master”, or look for some semi-technical role like “something with product.” Now imagine the joy of having a manager who is relatively clueless about the work you do. Of course, you can’t expect them to know about your work in detail, but they should have sufficient technical background that they could, in fact, do your work if they only had more time. (On a side note, I don’t want to give the impression that I’m trying to dunk on women and non-Asian minorities; I’ve met my fair share of rather clueless men in such jobs as well; in at least one case I suspected that the male such rewarded was the gay lover of someone further up in the hierarchy).

The role of a manager is, partly, to give direction to their reports. This is by necessity as you can’t effectively communicate directly to every employee in the company from the top down. You need someone in the middle to filter information. Also, by being somewhere in the middle, those people, ideally, should gain a broader overview of what goes on beyond their team. Thus, they can shape and guide the work their reports do. Yet, if you have a clueless manager, you may end up in a really bad spot. Imagine being led by a guy who is so weak-willed that he decides on what the team focus on based on who is able to convince him. You can then have smooth talkers tank the projects of your team. Sure, those ideas may “sound good” but if they are crap, you may cause massive damage. In such a situation, some career coaches talk about “managing your manager”. In the end, it’s probably better you look for a new team because that kind of guy won’t be able to evaluate your performance properly. I’ve seen some praising literally every single team member including the laziest, most incompetent ones. It is incredibly frustrating to have to deal with such a situation.

The connection with dating is now rather easy to make. It is a biological fact that men have more testosterone than women. Men explore, research, pioneer much more than women and not because of the b.s. concept of the “patriarchy”. It’s due to testosterone, which is probably a reason why soy is pushed so much in society. Our leaders are simply afraid of masculinity. Women are normally not afraid of masculinity. Quite the contrary is the case. They look up to leaders, and being a leader means that she can observe testosterone in action. If you achieve success in more or less anything, you’ll most likely have (some) women chase after you, in particular if you are successful in a money-making endeavor. In contrast, guys typically couldn’t care less about the level of success of a woman or her leadership ability. If anything, I suspect that it would generally be viewed as negative.

Put yourself in the shoes of your typical woman who wants to look up to a guy: She want to feel protected and she also wants to feel that the guy knows what he wants, and pursues it. This also includes her. Yet, instead of such a prime-alpha Chad, she is on a date with a “chadcel” who can’t escalate. She may drop hints, even touch the guy innocuously, but nothing seems to trigger a strong reaction in him. This is not at all what she wants. Do you think she would feel safe and protected in the presence of a passive guy who essentially lets life happen to him? Absolutely not. She’ll grow rather frustrated, which is one reason why many a supposedly great first dates don’t lead to anything. The woman has simply grown tired of the guy’s passivity. Instead, she wants to get swept off her feet (and ravaged in the bedroom).

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31 thoughts on “You Need to Lead

    1. This will be separate article, even though you could make an argument that women pretend to be shy (or can even get away with being genuinely shy) in order to enable the man to take more of a lead in the interaction.

  1. I knew one such guy in real life.
    He was maybe a 7/10, very tall, and had a lot of money. (easily top 5% for his age)
    One time it was almost comical. A girl literally sat on him, and nothing happened. Later that night they even slept in the same bed.. still nothing happened.
    Later he ended up with an ugly girlfriend, much below him. But she was probably the only one doing all the work required to get him.
    Reason we have so many guys like this is because of absent fathers in my opinion. And then guys are also brainwashed by feminism that escalating on a woman is “sexist”.

    1. One time I was in a brothel with this guy… he seemed super uncomfortable.
      Almost like he was afraid to even touch a whore.

    2. Absent father? Hell, maybe that explains my anti-game. But I’m nowhere near as bad as the guys you mentioned.

    3. “A girl literally sat on him, and nothing happened. ”

      …I’ve been this guy too. Feels bad man. Oh well, at least I know better now.

    4. Fuck it, why did you have to remind me of this? Now I want to go back in time and slap myself in the face.

    5. “Reason we have so many guys like this is because of absent fathers in my opinion. And then guys are also brainwashed by feminism that escalating on a woman is “sexist”. ”

      You are spot on. Also, many fathers are themselves brainwashed and thus cannot function as role models. In the book No More Mr Nice Guy, psychologist Donald Glover writes how men are basically trained to please women through a female dominated education system. This conditioning to please women he argues made men susceptible to feminist brainwashing and seek approval from them.

      Looking back on my on education, almost all of my teachers were female. I think most men could relate to this and the failure to lead is also a consequence of behavioral conditioning to please women and obey them. I definitely agree about the brainwashing of escalation as sexism especially in the context of the metoo movement.

      My conservative aunt(a Trump supporter ha ha ) of all people taught me to stop pleasing other people, especially women. “Remember, you must yourself first.”

    6. Happened to me, too. It happened in some Lounge at Reeperbahn or Schanzenviertel, a girl was sitting next to me and was putting her head onto my shoulder. I was stiff as ice O_o

  2. I have a acquaintance that recently had a chick approach him in social circle, telling him how she had all this free time from work and no boyfriend to spend it with. She’s hot and into fitness. He literally can’t accept that she was giving him the biggest green light of all time, and writes it off as women not really meaning anything by it when they project interest and that they’re just toying with him. I think his issue is he has no idea how to escalate gracefully. The hot chicks that he has slept with were always very outgoing and aggressive, and they generally cut things off pretty quickly because of too much anti-game.

    1. I think toxic people in his life have a lot to do with it. It starts with your family, and then abusive haters just seem to enter your life. You don’t feel worthy, and success just becomes scary. It sucks so bad.

      Abandonment and abuse makes you feel like if somebody likes you, it is the precursor to the let down. Consistent failure is at least predictable. God damn I’m a mess……..

    2. I don’t know the guy’s life story, but if you met him you’d hardly feel sorry for the him. He’s a big libshit drunkard and self-proclaimed nihilist to the point of irony. I actually caught him staring at himself and smiling in the mirror on several occasions. It was funny the first couple of times but then I started to believe the guy was actually really into himself. It’s like the opposite of self-deprecating humor. If he didn’t act like he had all the answers I’d forward him to this blog post.

    3. I’ve know people like that and I still think it stems from childhood abuse/neglect. It’s like they go full narcissist or they go the opposite direction.

    4. I still think there is accountability in which choice you make. Narcissists emulate the people who fucked them up in the first place……. And the cycle continues.

    5. He is a libshit so he by definition struggles with massive cognitive dissonance and copes with alcohol and preening narcissism.

    6. Also worth mentioning is that the guy has an outgoing personality and witty type of humor. In many instances he is agreeable and friendly (unless he is drunk), and makes people laugh really easily. All he literally needs to do to get out of his rut is to escalate when the opportunity arises. But there must be some fear of rejection holding him back. Imagine how the women must feel when they are putting themselves out there like that, then the guy she fancies doesn’t take the bait. Some women might pass it off as the guy lacking confidence or being clueless, but some may feel quite rejected from it.

    7. In my experience with anti-game the women definitely feel rejected. Even embarrassed. If I see them again they act very cold and aloof. There would be no reason to do this if they thought the guy was simply clueless or weak.

    8. It’s exactly that! Also, this is how they would reject a guy, i.e. indirectly. They’d rather claim that they have a boyfriend that saying that they are not interested.

    9. I think the biggest lesson is that both genders falsely assume that the people they are interested in are 100 percent secure.

    1. Damn, forgot to hit the reply button. But this scene from the move Better off Dead relates to the above discussion, and how both men and women misread each other and believe that they are the only ones feeling insecure during interactions with people they are interested in.

    2. I think we’re pretty similar in regards to being traumatized early on and having issues with hooking up and forming relationships with women. What helped me was just getting those first few positive experiences with the help of this blog. Aaron mentioned something to me a long time ago about having this part of your life handled when you get to the point where you’d rather read a book or play a game instead of meeting up for some ass. I don’t have a huge notch count, but it didn’t take long before I started growing tired of the game and the bullshit that comes with it. Of course, I think you should definitely have hose experiences because that’s the only way you’ll know for sure.

      Now, I still have hangups, however, I’ve managed to help get them under control by focusing on myself i.e. self-improvement etc. That’s another topic. I see women as mostly a fun distraction nowadays and it’s nice to have bragging rights from banging the sexy housewife the next town over. Though I’m honestly pretty private about my sex life in my immediate circle because I want to avoid gaining a reputation as much as possible.

    3. Thanks for identifying man. Shit gets lonely. By chance, were you raised by a single mom?

      I’ve asked out more girls lately, but I’ve ran into obstacles–boyfriend, husband, cultural differences. Oh well, at least I’ve learned to not beat myself up any more. Something I definitely have learned from this site about rejection.

    4. Not exactly, my situation more involved extended family. No offense, but I don’t really want to get into specifics on here nor do I feel a need to anymore. I’ve beaten that horse to death. But yea man, no doubt. Best of luck to you, bro. Keep us posted.

    5. No offense taken. Thanks for understanding. I’ll definitely keep you guys posted. Need to keep up the self improvement……. I’m going to force myself into the gym today 🙂

    6. I showed that clip to my perpetually beta cucked friend and he said, “That’s just movie, shes a pretty blonde, blah blah.”

      I told him that women are not queens on a throne. And that they can be just as insecure as ourselves. This is one of the few times that Hollywood got it right IMO. Of course this is an exaggeration and a comedy, but knowing how insecure women are is pretty empowering and enlightening. It can help guys pull the trigger.

  3. I am too apathetic with women at this point. I think my anti-game shadow has overtaken my conscious mind. For context I actually had my father in my life, who is a gen-x’er. He also had a huge amount of anti-game. Got divorced from my mother when I was a teenager and was left a shell of a man. I think that has made me a lot more hostile towards women, especially the ones that find me attractive.

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