There are a few catchy phrases that summarize what women want, e.g. a man with six-pack abs who is six feet tall and has a six-inch dick. The reason a six-inch dick is mentioned here is not that it’s so staggeringly big but simply that it goes with the theme. Likewise, six feet is tall but not extraordinarily so. It’s roughly in the top 20 %.
What is more interesting, though, is that a long wishlist of attributes, even if they are by itself not extremely uncommon to have, can add up to a combination that is virtually unobtainable. Let’s use a simple example and assume that you can categorize all women based on two binary attributes: weight and beauty. They are slender or overweight as well as unattractive or attractive. We assume that both variables are uniformly distributed and not correlated, even though this is not the case in reality. You’ll say to yourself that you want a slim girlfriend. This alone cuts out 50% of women. On top, you want her to be good-looking. This cuts the size of your dating pool down to 25%. You only wanted to attributes, and somehow, three-quarters of women are now excluded.
The same works for women, too. Let’s just use the six-feet, six-inch dick, six-pack example, with numbers I’m (mostly) pulling out of thin air. To make it a bit more realistic, I don’t assume that the variables are fully independent. We know that only about 18% of men are at least six feet tall. That’s right, Tinder Jane has already eliminated 82% of men! She also wants a reasonably big dick, but nothing unrealistic, so six inch are fine for her. As penis size and height are positively correlated, we’ll assume that 80% of men who are at least six feet tall have a dick that big. Let’s do the math: 0.18 * .8 = .144, i.e. 14.4%. Her dating pool is getting smaller. Six-pack abs are not all that common, but we’ll generously assume that 30% of men that are at least six feet tall and endowed with a six-inch pecker have them. Look at what we get now: .144 * .3 = .0432, i.e. 4.32%! Tinder Jane thinks she is not picky at all, yet she already disqualified more than 95% of all men.
In reality, some women have a rather long shopping list for what they desire in a man. A six-figure income would be great, too, and a nice chiseled jaw line would be great to look at. How about great hair or a full beard? The list gets bigger and bigger and before you know it, the percentage of men who fulfill all those criteria is a fraction of a percent. I am not at all kidding. Just do the math! With a list of ten items, the percentage of men that fulfill all of them is effectively zero percent.
For the other sex, the math works out the same way. Despite claims to the contrary, numbers don’t discriminate based on biological sex. So, let’s assume that Tinder Joe has more modest demands. He wants a woman who is at least in the middle in terms of intelligence, height, weight, and attractiveness. If you assume that those variables are independent, his dating pool is now .5 * .5 * .5 * .5 = .0625, i.e. 6.25%. If your desired attributes are a bit more exotic and, for example, you’d like to marry a 20-year old attractive debt-free virgin without tattoos, you may as well give up. You could as well look for a porn starlet with a lay count below 10 who is 20 years old and has written a Ph.D. thesis on Kant. The latter cannot exist and the former are so rare that they may as well not exist either.
The important point of this exercise is, however, that even if you are not looking for extremes, you’ll end up with a drastically reduced dating pool. Sure, Jane Tinder may think that a six-inch dick is only a bit above average but still OK, and it’s also fine if his physique is only a bit above average, and his salary should likewise only be a bit above average. Yet, what women in her position ignore is that a string of demands that are, by itself, not outlandish by any means, will exclude an extremely large number of men. Women on the lookout for a man may even say that they are “not even asking for all that much” and genuinely believe that this is the case. Yet, in reality they are looking for men who are incredibly rare.
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