This is a guest post written by my wife. As a preamble, I’ll state that Asian women are generally viewed as desirable and the fatter and more toxic Western women become, the more white guys will lust after Asians. Yet, language and culture can be a problem. You probably have no interest in dating a woman from a developing country, which limits your choice to Japan, Taiwan, South Korea, Hong Kong, and Singapore. Of those, I would say that Singaporeans speak the best English, which may be the decisive factor for most of you. So, let’s give the floor to Sleazy’s Wife and her elaborations on Singaporean women and why, or why not, you should date them, assuming that you, for whatever reason, do have access to that demographic:

Title: What are Singaporean women like?

Over the last two years I’ve come to be familiar with many of the criticisms and bashings of Western women. Inevitably I’ve been asking myself for a long time now how us Singaporean women compare with Western women. Is our lot really much better? What are our unique issues? According to a previous on Aaron S. Elias’ blog, the quality of Singaporean women is high. That was flattering but a little sketchy on the details. I will furnish his observations in that post with my own, drawing from my experiences as a native.

It’s true, we are family-oriented

Almost everyone I know comes from nuclear families and as adults continue living with their parents until they get married in their late 20s. Divorce is uncommon. If marriage doesn’t happen, Singaporeans may only move out between the ages of 35-40 due to public housing policy that incentivises family formation and prevents singles from applying for a subsidised government-built flat until they hit 35. Close-knit relationships between parents and adult children are thus the norm. Of course, this living arrangement also gives domineering parents ample opportunities to continue being actively involved in the lives of their adult children. By and large, the institution of family is very much strong and Singaporean women benefit from having both mother and father figures in their lives. There is prevailing gratitude and respect for the efforts that one’s parents have made in bringing one up, and a sentiment of wanting to repay them for that in both financial and emotional means. 

The only downside I see to this is that dating a Singaporean woman might also mean having to deal closely with her parents, who have undue influence in her choice of partner, amongst other things. For the most part the parents just want to be assured that they’re marrying their daughter off to a decent guy, but even after clearing those hurdles they may very well still make unreasonable demands along the way. As an example, a friend’s mother wanted to add 10 tables to the former’s wedding banquet so that the latter could invite her friends and acqaintances to the celebration, expecting the poor couple to foot the bill for that additional expense at the last minute. Be prepared for the parents to question decisions that the both of you have made for yourselves as a couple, too. Serious disagreements between what they want and what you as the married couple want for yourselves could be pesky to manage.

Many Singaporean women start giving their parents filial piety money once they start work, which is meant to repay them for what has been spent raising them but also for household expenses given that they continue living at home. I’ve noticed that although materialism is well and thriving, many women nevertheless have their finances somewhat in order, with a clear sense of budgeting and important obligations to fulfil– student loans, filial piety money, insurance premiums, how much to save, etc. The lack of a generous welfare state has probably gone a long way in cultivating sufficiently responsible attitudes towards money.

By extension, as girlfriends Singaporean women have the general desire to do nice things for and take care of their partners. Many approach relationships with the long-term and marriage in mind. I’ve not tried Tinder or dating apps myself, but people I know still find these reliable enough in their search for serious partners.

Not virgins but not slutting it up, either

When it comes to sexual attitudes, the women can be broken down into: 1) the prudish lot who are often Christians, 2) the ones who have sex within committed relationships, and 3) the deviants (promiscuous and/or lesbian). I think the second group is the largest one.

Good luck trying to talk about sex with the first group. Nobody ever brings it up in conversation. Should the topic come up somehow, even the ones in serious relationships try very hard to give the impression that they’ve never ever been naughty with their boyfriends. Although there’s no risk of slut-shaming if one has sex within a committed relationship, and there’s also a widespread understanding that many Singaporeans have pre-marital sex– the legal age of consent is 16– a girl’s sexual reputation is still seen as very important in these circles. With those in the second group whom I can speak to about sex, we do so abstractly and sheepishly; without comparing the performance of our partners and without the details. These people eschew sex outside of committed relationships.

My male friends have no qualms telling me about their girlfriends and sex lives, though. They give me the juiciest, rawest insights into unmasked Singaporean female behaviour– those who make up the third group. There’s the classic story of one girl who wasn’t satisfied with a safe albeit slightly boring doctor (my friend) and monkey-branched to another doctor, a charismatic player-type whom she couldn’t tame and who ended up cheating on her. 

There’re also the few girls who wanted to keep their options open while seeing my friends. In such a consensual arrangement– they had my friends’ consent– they went on to sleep with other guys or swipe through dating apps, chatting up prospective dates. Perhaps the most sensational case I was told of is a 19-year old who concurrently maintained sexual relationships with five sugar daddies. Somebody else also had five sexual partners by the time she was 20, with a few being friends-with-benefits arrangements [EDIT: Note that young woman with five previous partners is considered a huge slut in Singapore, while in the West she would be an “almost virgin.”]. Promiscuity is certainly well and alive if you know where to look for it. Many Singaporeans, both male and female, have bought into the feminist lie that men and women are equal in this regard. It’s not hard to find men who can accept a woman who’s had more partners than them, or who might recite leftist programming that “women can do whatever they want with their bodies (and not be judged for it)”.

If you want to find a virgin Singaporean woman, you’d probably have to look in the religious quarters. But many of the non-virgins are far from slutting it up either, only having sex within serious relationships that endure for years, some even leading to marriage. I can’t prove this, but I suspect that a partner count of 1-5 before marriage is modal. I really don’t encounter the deviant third group enough to be convinced that their numbers are significant, although this could simply be biased due to my social circle.

Western infections and career women

This point is the most disheartening of all. The fervent use of English on a national level has invariably exposed Singapore to ideas of the regressive left, which have long reached our shores and taken root. Traces of third-wave feminist views like the gender pay gap or “LGBTQLOLZ” inclusiveness can coexist with traditional Asian beliefs in the same individual. Identity politics have taken a local slant with mainstream discussions of Chinese privilege in multiracial Singapore. The annual Pink Dot event is an avenue for locals to show their support for gay and queer rights. I watched the publicity video for a recent year and was startled by how Western-inspired it seemed to be.

Maybe we can claim that having all of those ideas to some degree isn’t a deal breaker, but what about the emphasis Singaporean women place on their careers? It may not be Western in origin, but careers are up there as a high priority, as important or even more important than finding a husband. Even after becoming mothers, many women return to the workforce and leave their infants in the care of parents or in-laws and a maid from the third world [EDIT: This leads to the young children of middle-class Singaporeans speak with a distinct poverty-class accent. Toddlers may even forget who their mother is as they spend so much more time with their Filipino maid.]. Locals frequently gripe about the cost of living and say that a dual-income household is necessary to make ends meet. That may be true until one person manages to hit a certain salary threshold, but it’s also the case that many are unwilling to cut down on consumption such as eating out, shopping, and overseas holidays. The women too, cannot give up on their dreams of climbing the corporate ladder. Even the average woman of my parents’ generation finds it odd and radical for a woman to start a family young and stay at home in the process. “What a waste of her education and potential,” goes the view.

When I met Aaron’s mother who’s a housewife in the bucolic German countryside, it dawned on me that I’ve never come across any Singaporean housewife who even comes close to her standards. Thus it struck me that there are truly very few domestic role models for younger Singaporean women to look up to and emulate. A housewife aunt of mine used to live in a multi-storied house. She decided that it was too big for her to clean all of it, so she sectioned off the topmost floor for storing junk and got my breadwinner uncle to pitch in with the housework on the weekends. Back in school, a friend used to express envy at the nutritious sandwiches my working mother found the time to prepare for my breakfast, as her own housewife mother told her to take care of the most important meal of the day herself. Another housewife I know of has a live-in maid to cook and clean for her family, relegating her main responsibility to that of chauffeuring her daughters to school and back. I’ve also heard of other housewives who either don’t cook or do a bad job of cooking, which really makes you question what they think being a homemaker entails.

The women of my parents’ generation are either working full-time or too lazy and ignorant to be good housewives, while the older women of my grandparents’ generation may do a lot more in the home but regrettably lack the education and hygiene standards that would make a home more cosy and well-organised.

Conclusion

If you do a cursory search online, Singaporean women don’t seem to have a great reputation. This Quora post gives you some insight as to why, with a few horror stories to boot. I’ve also read complaints from local men about Singaporean women not putting out because they earn their own money and feel they don’t need to serve a man. Many do enter relationships with the expectation of having equal authority.

As you can see, there are certainly inescapable “womanisms” that are universal. For all the unpleasantness, I think the saving grace of our lot is that we still strive to be feminine and bring to the relationship an awareness of our responsibility as partners.

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