The Wall

The Sadness of Single Women in Their 30s

I just returned from a weekend trip to Berlin, staying with a good friend of mine. As he’s been having an active social life for decades, we bumped into friends, acquaintances, and women he’s fucked everywhere we went. What then struck me that some of those women don’t seem to have developed much at all. They have visible wrinkles under their eyes which not even makeup can cover up properly anymore. Yet, in their early 30s, they live like they did in their mid-20s, which was not too dissimilar from their lifestyle in their late teens. A surprising number of them still share an apartment with a bunch of strangers in run-down buildings and eke out a living with menial part-time jobs.

Among teens and young adults it is exceedingly common that they hang out with random people just to pass the time. Sure, people are not completely indiscriminating, but as long as the lowest common denominator is met, i.e. spare time, predilection for partying, and reasonably good looks, such loose associations form very quickly. This happens in school, college, and also at the millennial working place. It is so easy to make friends in those settings because the bar is so low. They are friends of convenience.

One of the women my buddy bumped into asked him if he’d like to hang out with her and a bunch of friends. They were not quite sure what to do and only had made vague plans, but if he was free, he’d be welcome to join. They’d find something to do to while their time away. Thus, she’d just repeat whatever she did more or less every weekend for decades. That may be her plateau.

Later that day, I asked my friend if he sensed the same underlying sadness when he sees older women behave this way, to which he remarked that while my perspective is valid, it is not as if those older, unattached women have any other choice. He rightly pointed out that if they did pursue a steady career with standard working hours, their chances of meeting someone would be even lower due to the time commitment of the 40+ hour working week plus commuting. Similarly, if they did not maintain a large circle of friends, they would meet fewer people. Further, he soberly diagnosed that while he does not quite agree with my opinion that women should start having kids in their early 20s, the social reality in Berlin, and much of the Western world, is that there is nary a woman who would even consider having kids before the age of 30s; the underclass, of course, i excluded.

As we then further discussed, the alienating happy-go-lucky attitude those worn out women display is little more than a facade. He knows far too many of them who desperately try to find a partner. What he has observed is that the insight that their fertility window is closing hits many of them like a brick in their mid-30s and they then frantically meet guys or even try to get pregnant on one-night stands. I am no longer friends with any women, so I have not observed this change as such a sudden phenomenon, even though I am well aware of the behaviors it leads to. In any case, if they do get pregnant and don’t have a partner lined up, Daddy Government is happy to step in. For these women, getting knocked up by Chad is thus a win-win. He most likely does not stick around anyway, but regardless of what he does, a baby will bring in money for those women.

The same kind of underlying panic I just addressed also happens in Asian culture, the main difference being that it starts a good ten years sooner. I recently read an interview with Naomi Wu, who has the biggest silicon implants in all of China (how about you finally leak a sex tape, Naomi?). In it, she states that she’s 24, yet does not have children, which she finds disconcerting. You may know that single women from the age of 27 are labeled as “leftover women” in China and perceived as too old and unattractive to find a partner. Otherwise, they would have paired up. If you consider that Asian women, who tend to age much more gracefully than Western ones, tend to panic in their 20s if they are unattached then it is almost comical that the latter party it up in their late 20s and early 30s, firmly believing that finding a partner and having children can wait.

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10 thoughts on “The Sadness of Single Women in Their 30s

    1. Not if her goal is to settle. She just becomes jerking off material. Not a wife. No guy wants seks tapes going around of his wife banging another dude.

    2. Emma Watson sextape should get leaked. I’ve been waiting for years and sadly nothing of importance has been leaked. At least some thong photos.

  1. In the U S of A, women tend to look to partner up in their late 20’s. The women don’t live in a vacuum though. One issue is men are struggling economically and not in a position to settle down until they’re older, so they too are putting off wifing until their late 30’s and beyond. And for many of them, their prospects fade as well.
    Throw into the mix the post metoo era, where increasing numbers of men are fearful of showing or expressing interest in women outside of “designated spaces” such as dating apps or bars and it’s a miserable atmosphere.

    1. Are you referring to specific areas of the US, or are just broadly covering the dynamics?
      Because on average you might be right, but given the quite pronounced polarization of individual states I’d argue that it’s a bit misleading.
      Fly-over country certainly has different mating dynmaics than the coastal areas.

    2. @X
      The dating atmosphere is absolutely soul crushing here on the liberal east coast. An old friend yesterday evening was challenging me on the idea of approaching women at grocery stores or on the street saying it wasn’t really socially acceptable. What else is there if you don’t like dating apps or bars?

      Due to Metoo I’m afraid of hitting on women at the local yoga/fitness studio for fear of being banned. Dating coworkers is almost completely off limits now. At work the other day I forgot myself and I realized I was blatantly checking out a social worker I found attractive. Afterwards for about an hour at my desk I was worried if she was offended or worse if she’d make a complaint.

    3. Due to Metoo I’m afraid of hitting on women at the local yoga/fitness studio for fear of being banned.

      Even if metoo wasn’t around it would still be a stupid idea. It’s short-term thinking. Befriend all the women at your yoga/fitness studio, then start hanging out with them, and fuck all their friends (not them). But after you fuck the friends you can probably fuck her too (the yoga studio chick).

    4. @Alek,

      That’s a great point. From a “marketing” point of view that’s the way to do it. Personally I’m 50/50 as to whether I hit on the girl directly or befriend her in hopes of meeting her friends.

      The reason I personally don’t like the befriending approach is because the next step is to hang out somewhere like a bar or a club or even a house party. And I’m not that much into “hanging out.” I am very direct and to the point for better or worse. Basically the only reason I end up hanging out with these people is in hopes of meeting someone to fuck. It kinda feels like a better version of going to clubs to sarge where your only reason for being there is to get laid.

      On the other hand when I meet a chick at the gym and she agrees to get coffee and then we fuck, well that feels perfect because I don’t have to do all that extra stuff of hanging out, which I quickly get bored with.

      Also if I find *that* chick hot, then I want her. I have a hard time not hitting on her. So befriending is easier for me with chicks that I don’t find sexually attractive (or only a little bit). But if a chick is giving me a raging boner…

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