My girlfriend is an avid reader of my blog. Thus, it probably should not have come as a surprise when she asked me, during lunch, about high libido in women and how I would quantify it. This was in response to the unfolding discussion related to my article, Determination and pickup. For men, I think this is easy to answer once you’ve had more than a handful of sex partners or so. But that may not even be necessary. I’d say one very obvious sign of high libido in women is when they are sexually aggressive. The woman grabbing your crotch out of the blue in a club most certainly has a very high libido. You may want to dismiss this by saying that such women are just drunk and horny, but I would not be convinced. After all, it’s not as if every girl who is buzzed grabs the junk of guys around her.
Behavior is of course a clear indication that a woman has a high libido, but there are other signs. One of the most obvious ones I have found is an enlarged clitoris. Undress a few women, and you’ll surely come across some with a clitoris that looks like a little dick. Heck, the guy with the smallest flaccid dick I’ve ever seen — yup, males shower naked after doing sports — was not much bigger than the biggest clit I’ve seen. Funnily enough, that woman complained to me that hardly any guy goes down on her. I didn’t want to point out to her that this is because I can’t imagine any guy finding it arousing to suck on a clit that resembles a small dick.
Another signal is her owning sex toys. Those are normally stashed away, but high-libido women think there is no issue with it, so just ask them if they have any sex toys and they might tell you. During sex you can just ask her whether she wants to get a dildo up her ass while you rail her. Chances are she’ll happily hand you one. Enjoy your time with her, but get the fuck out afterwards. Women with low libido are a lot less likely to own sex toys, and when they do, they most certainly won’t talk about it openly.
For practical purposes, the takeaway is twofold: First, if a high-libido woman propositions you, go ahead and fuck her, as long as you find her attractive. Just make sure you wrap your dick and also take basic safety precautions because you don’t want to get poked with a shotgun in the back while mounting her. Second, and much more importantly, if you end up fucking a woman and you notice that she has a big clitoris, then just pump and dump her. You can be sure that her sex drive is abnormally high, which will cause all kinds of problems for you later on. You can probably bet that she will cheat on you, too. All it takes is you being away for a few days, for instance on a business trip, and her getting horny. After a while, her vibrators won’t cut it anymore and she’ll just go out, looking for a real dick to ride on.
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Aaron,
Nine times out of ten if not more, truly biologically libidinous women (as opposed to attention-mongering sluts) are rather on the chunky side and therefore less appealing to men. A heavy fat layer contributes to more continuous testosterone production.
It is likely that having less male attention to begin with, some of them become downright desperate and will sleep with just about anyone.
That’s interesting. For what it’s worth, the biggest clit I’ve ever seen was on a slender and very feminine looking woman. I’d say she was certainly an attention-mongering slut, to use your phrase, but she also had a very high sex drive.
I’m not sure if a large clitoris always translates into a large libido. I think technically all it means is more exposure to androgen or androgen-analogues in the womb. It also could just be random genes. It’s definitely a subject worth exploring. If the association is legit, then men who are well-hung down there would also have higher sex drives; has anyone looked into this?
One more note Aaron, you often see high libidos, and crazy behavior, in women who have been “wounded” or messed-up from an assault, a traumatic early-life experience, poor raising, addiction issues, etc. It must be a way of projecting control and domination outward. I think these types are a separate animal from those with an innately high sex drive with no external psychological factors, the ones who in my observation are overweight.
I am not aware of any studies on the correlation between penis size and sex drive. I would guess that they are positively correlated.
I think your observation is correct. In particular, poor upbringing seems to correlate with high sex drive, the connection presumably being that they didn’t learn any impulse control as kids. (An interesting aspect is that girls growing up in single-mother households have their first period much earlier.) Poor upbringing is essentially an enabling factor for all kinds of undesirable behavior, such as taking drugs and having a poor work ethic.
I’ve known some very high-quality, non-promiscuous conservative women who were raised very well, but had high libidos, who wanted very much to have a traditional marriage (but were overweight). Kind of sad, really.
That being said, I think you are generally right that there is a connection between impulse control (and by extension likely IQ) and libido. I think the more intellectual someone is, by and large, either the less sexual desire they have outright, or the less of a priority it is for them because they have many other passions and pursuits. I don’t think it’s just from less opportunity that your stereotypical nerds, geeks, Aspie types lose their virginity later and have fewer partners than the jock types. Some of it is less interest.
In terms of myers-briggs, you are looking for an ESfP. Extroverted sensate with a minor in feeling. The ISfP prefers her pleasures more solitary, and can usually be found in front of the refrigerator.