Note: I just came across this post, which I wrote four years ago but apparently never posted. The context was, once again, PUA shilling on my old blog, which strangely enough completely stopped after the commercial PUA industry collapsed.
Recently [edit: in early 2013!] someone left the following comment on my blog, attempting to justify indiscriminate approaching, and spinning rejection in a positive way:
“[Mark Manson’s] “method” is to approach every girl you are interested in, screen them (5 – 10 minutes) and if both of you don’t feel it, move on. But when, build an emotional connection with her and escalate. So rejection is seen as a filter process”
There is a good chance this was merely a comment left by a paid shill, since Mark Manson has been moving up in the Internet marketing world and adopting more of the Tim Ferriss strategies, but let’s discuss this in some detail anyway.
First, it’s absurd to say that if both (!) don’t feel like it, you should move on. If she doesn’t like you enough, but you are keen on getting her, you should move on too, since you won’t make her attracted with your PUA bullshit. Second, the “screening process” is completely distorted. You don’t have five to ten minutes to talk to her. Instead, the initial “conversation” may last just a few seconds because if she’s not interested, she’ll ignore you, or give you some very clear signs. Of course, PUAs aren’t exactly known for their ability to read people, so they experience that the girl went to the toilet and never returned, or attempt to analyze the conversation they tried to have with that girl, hoping to identify how they could have done better. Yet, it’s impossible to “create attraction”. Those losers were done before they even approached her, yet stuck around for a humiliating five to ten minutes, ignoring that the girl was really uncomfortable with their presence.
There is a big difference between a woman who is interested in you, and one who only briefly enjoys the validation she gets from some chump hitting on her, or one who is only polite. Your best bet is “testing the waters”, and if she doesn’t give you anything to work with, you just move on since you’ll be wasting your time. However, Mark Manson claiming that there is a 5 to 10 minute window is dishonest at best. If the two of you are still talking to you after two minutes, it’s because she is one of the following:
– she is at least somewhat interested in you
– she is bored but enjoys the attention
– you’re a klutz who doesn’t get that if she doesn’t make eye contact, doesn’t let you touch her, and looks at her phone every ten seconds she’s very uncomfortable with your presence
Further, the whole “5 to 10 minutes screening” makes it sound as if it’s some kind of business transaction. No, you don’t sit down with some random woman and talk about some random shit with her, only to figure out, after that time period, that she’s the one or not. Whom are those PUAs kidding? Her interest in you is primarily sexual (at first), and so is yours in her. Talking about anything particularly serious ruins the mood, and any attempt at contrived conversation will only ruin the mood for the both of your.
Here’s a serious question for the PUA shills: Assuming that you guys ever have had sex with a woman, did it ever occur to you that the person you just gave an orgasm turned into a much different person afterwards, quite possibly a lot different from when you met her, hours ago in a bar or club? People take some time to open up to each other, and sex is a prime facilitator of intimacy. Without sexual intimacy, however, you won’t be able to really get to know her. This doesn’t happen in five to ten minutes of small talk, and it doesn’t happen during dinner dates either. Of course, guys who have very little or no experience with women don’t know about this since all they ever experienced was the rare one-night stand with some drunk chick.