When pondering how much the former supermodel Toni Garrn messed up her life, thought I should help out womankind once and for all. Instead of lamenting their poor decision-making, I am happy to say that I have found an algorithmic solution to problem of maximizing female happiness. Obviously, female happiness cannot be reached by getting railed by thirty Chads in one’s teens and twenties, waiting around for some big-dicked billionaire until your mid-30s, and embarking on the “cool wine aunt” lifestyle afterwards, all the way to dying alone as a childless shriveled prune at 85. No, instead women are happiest if they are kept away from temptation and take care of their own children.

This is how women can maximize their happiness:
Step 1: Don’t fuck random dudes in your teens.
Step 2: Between the ages of around 18 to 22, check out a few men, without riding their dick or engaging in any other sexual activity. Pick one of them.
Step 3: Delete social media.
Step 4: Have kids and live happily ever after.

I am quite serious. Of course, to increase her chances of this working out, you better move out of the big city. If she can go to the in-club Chad’s Big Bulge every weekend, she may just decide that she would much rather have more fun for a few more years than embracing her biological duty of ensuring that the human race prospers.

The lower bound of the stated age range is simply due to Western morals. Not too long ago, we married off girls at the age of 14 or 15, when they were fully sexually developed, but if you notice that a fifteen-year old looks like a fully-developed woman, you are a pedophile and as bad as those gays who sodomize little boys. Probably this bizarre equivocation is supposed to engender support for the latter. Clearly, you are a bigot if you think that having sex with a sexually fully developed woman who happens to be not 18 years old yet should be OK but you look down on boy-loving gays who were “born this way”, and were not at all molested as children themselves.

Within three or four years, when women adult women are at their sexual peak, there should be enough suitors. The women are not going to get any better looking, no matter where on the looks scale they sit. Of course, there could always be an even more desirable guy, but realistically, the older a woman gets, the worse a bargaining position she has in the sexual marketplace. Imagine you told a 19-year-old that she has to take one guy before she turns 22 or she will remain single for the rest of her life. That should lead to a sense of urgency. Of course, reality is not much different: if a woman rejects one suitor after another during her prime, chances that she will remain unmarried for the rest of her life will only go up. She could of course bang a few random guys and engage in some kind of pretend-play, but this will not offer her the comfort and security of marriage.

When I shared the aforementioned novel algorithm with Lucretius Carus, he remarked that I should make it explicit that women need to marry that man, instead of dating for a decade, and afterwards they should forget that the word “divorce” even exists.This would help a lot, too. As “liberating” as a divorce may feel in the moment, it surely does not nearly feel as good to the woman once reality sinks in and she realizes that even with all the alimony she gets, she does not nearly enjoy the lifestyle and comfort she had gotten used to during her marriage. Lacking practical skills, her house or apartment may further fall into disrepair. Of course, the impact on the children is even worse. Single mothers reliably turn boys into misogynists and girls into sluts, and total failures. All of this can be avoided by following a few simple steps.