When Waiting for the Winners at the Finishing Line Goes Wrong

In my article, Female Delusions about Rich Men, I used the metaphor of women waiting for the winners of the economic rat race at the finishing line. As this is an idea a lot of women have, chances of this approach being successful are somewhat slim. In order to illustrate what could go wrong, I am sharing a brief story about a woman one of my friends used to briefly date.

The background of the guy is that he got trapped by a woman when he was in his late 20s. About ten years and two kids later, he divorced her because he could not take it anymore. For a while, he just enjoyed the peace and quiet of bachelorhood but then he began playing the field again, but not very intensely. What he noticed was that he got a surprising amount of interest. Outliers were women in their early 20s but he was also perfectly fine with banging women in their early 30s as he was more interested in convenience. Once he pulled a woman who just turned 40, another outlier. She was still in pretty good shape, in particular given her age. Quickly, she tried roping him into a relationship. Within days she was sleeping over regularly, and cooking for him, playing the role of pretend-wife. I met her once or twice because she was seemingly always around.

The aforementioned relationship, which only existed in that woman’s mind, ended after a few months. Afterwards, my friend told me more about this woman and also why he decided to move on. He found her quite charming, but he was quite put off by her wanting a family, apart from the fact that this was next to impossible for her, given her age. She even brought up adoption once, which was surely a rather alienating experience. Her wanting a family gave him an easy way out: He told her that he does not “want to waste her time”, and that was it. The woman, on the other hand, was surely not that happy about this outcome. Her situation was that she shared an apartment with two or three other women. As much as she was talking about how much she enjoyed having female company around, this was simply due to necessity because she otherwise would have found it very difficult to make ends meet.

When a woman in her twenties is waiting around for Prince Charming, but does not take active steps towards securing a stable husband, we may be tempted to not chide her for wasting her time. However, her time will eventually run out, and no matter how good she looks, her looks will eventually fade. The fate that awaits such women is not a pretty one. The woman mentioned above could probably easily have found a decent-enough guy in the past. Yet, she was probably holding out for an even better guy who never came. Perhaps it is a cruel joke of nature that women have such a high live expectancy as this leads to them having to suffer through about half a century of the consequences of the poor choices they made when they were young.

5 thoughts on “When Waiting for the Winners at the Finishing Line Goes Wrong

  1. I guess the overarching question of this topic is, are women capable of gaining mastery over their own natures in order to secure better outcomes for themselves? Are they even capable of acknowledging their own natures?

    A big part of female nature is, as we’ve seen, self-sabotage.

    If she were to invest herself in a relationship with a young man with upward potential, could she endure the “foundational” part of his life with him? This would involve a lot of nights of ramen noodles, staying in on the weekend to watch a movie at home. Going out consisting of a burger and a single beer, maybe to see a local band play or a comedy club. Vacations consisting of road trips, certainly not staying in five star accommodation. All well and good, until her girlfriends post on social media their nights out to high end restaurants and clubs, and trips to Ibiza, the Caribbean and the Pacific.

    If said young man is studying in a rigorous field, it is going to take up much of his time and energy. This would frustrate many women who would see his studies as a competitor for his attention that should be going to her. Also, women often get very insecure at the prospect of a lower value man bettering himself, as this could be seen to lower her value by comparison. She’ll project her own inclinations onto him – what if after he’s “made it” he decides to trade her in for a hotter model? What this will lead to is her finding ways to sabotage his progress. Telling him he’s working too hard. She might even try and convince him to abandon his field altogether, that he should study art instead.

    Let’s face it, a young woman going to head to head with her own nature is a battle of David and Goliath proportions. Especially in a culture that enables and encourages her worst impulses. As mentioned, it seems like only China come close to encouraging women to overcome this internal battle and achieve a better life outcome for themselves.

    1. That’s a great comment from start to finish. AA exists for the same reason – taking on alcoholism single-handed is hopeless, you need a whole support network. Instead, a modern woman has to fight not only her own nature but her frenemies who will smile and say “I love you girl” as they do everything they can to sabotage her.

  2. Aging or ugly women often play sugar mama to date young and or good looking but broke men. Nurses and teachers from what I’ve seen with guys that never had a steady job. In one such case, she let the dude borrow a thousand dollars off her credit card. He spent 2 grand with it. I don’t think she got the extra thousand back.

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