Society · Women

Female Mate Selection is a Recent Phenomenon

In my recent post Female Delusions About Rich Men, I wrote, “In contrast, a much more reliable way for women to end up with a financially successful man is by determining his future potential.” In response, aj remarked that this is why women’s parents used to decide who they married, and therefore slept with and bred with, instead of them doing it. This is true statement, but there is an interesting culture-wars angle to this as well. As you know, parents suggesting that their daughters not date or consider marrying a particular man and rather go for someone else is the height of suppression. Women need to be free, after all, they tell us!

Quite obviously, the West was, for most of the last few hundred years, the most advanced part of the world. I have come across statements that this was because we let women choose their partners and put heavy punishment on rape whereas in other parts of the world, rape was often not even a crime. Of course, there is negative gene selection going on, in terms of nation-building, if men with the most aggression and least impulse control are the ones who procreate the most.

In the West, however, we have started to emulate primitive societies in the past in this regard. In the past, our societies were stable and more advanced than others because parents selected partners for their daughters, therefore making an optimal choice for society as well as their daughter, i.e. a good husband would be someone who also makes a good citizen. Surely, the daughter had a say, too. Women used to have multiple suitors, the girl could talk to her father about her impressions of the various young men, but in the end, the father made the final decision. For the last few decades, however, we let women run wild, and they ended up, by and large, making utterly disastrous dating choices. Instead of looking for qualities in a man that would indicate that he would make a good father and provider for her and their children, they go on year-long romps, banging any guy they find attractive. Once their looks have faded, they try to settle down, but with their pair-bonding ability destroyed, this commonly does not end well.

On a tangential note, in China, it is still common that the woman’s family is heavily involved in the mate-selection process. They even actively look for suitable husbands. In addition, match-making seems to be a booming business, and the women or families using such services seem to have pretty realistic views on the process, i.e. the younger and more attractive the woman, the more successful a man she can be expected to meet. I recall watching a documentary in which a female match-maker said that it is her duty to ensure that the people she introduces to each other are a good fit for marriage.

Letting a young woman decide whom to have sex with is typical what-could-possibly-go-wrong meme material. I do not think that all is lost as the pendulum seems to be slowly swinging backwards. There is a good chance that future generations will read with bewilderment about the period of roughly 1960 to 2030 as a time of collective madness, with our leaders forcing one obviously stupid decision after another onto society.

9 thoughts on “Female Mate Selection is a Recent Phenomenon

  1. Women have always ultimately decided who they have sex with. Unless you stick her in a cage and drag her along with you everywhere you go then you don’t have as much power as you think.

    1. Did you miss the point that there are entire societies where rape is common? Surely, you do not want to make the claim that women choose their rapist or that they secretly wanted to violently get raped anyway.

    2. Sleazy, I think this chick is implying you’re suggesting others should decide for the chick, and hence informing you it’s not true that others decided for the chick in the past.

      @Aaaronette, you’re purposefully twisting what sleazy is talking about here. He’s talking about guidance from more level headed people. She still has a decision ability, but if the mother is there to guide her towards using reason instead of tingles and primordial impulse, that decision ability can be guided.

      It’s talking about women deciding with input versus all driven by impulse with nobody to guide and direct it.

  2. Aaron,
    “I recall watching a documentary in which a female match-maker said that it is her duty to ensure that the people she introduces to each other are a good fit for marriage.”

    What if the couples are not physically attracted to one another? Do they overlook the looks aspect and focus more on the attributes hoping for a lasting marriage?

    1. There surely has to be a modicum of physical attraction. That being said, Chinese women are acutely aware of their declining looks as they age and their impact on desirability in the sexual market place. Thus, in particular Chinese women towards their late 20s are likely willing to make some concessions when it comes to the looks of the man. Many may just be happy to find anyone who still wants them. After all, there is probably a good reason why they are still single at 29 or 30.

    2. I think physical attraction is not that difficult to achieve. If a woman is still able to pair bond (so she hasn’t slept around) and frequently sleeps with one guy, she will develop some attraction with that guy. Similarly most guys are physically attracted to a woman if she just takes care of herself (she is slim, puts nice make up on, etc), is young and just has a pleasant personality.

      Though unfortunately as we discussed here multiple times, this woman is more and more difficult to find. But in the past, when match making was common, this woman was common too.

    3. Well, if they don’t feel they are attracted enough for marriage, they can choose not to marry.

      A matchmaker is, more or less, a referral service. A referral service that vets people, but still, a referral service. It’s up to the clients to make the decision to actually marry or not. That’s a decision people have to make on an individual level, and be responsible for.

  3. We can encourage men to play sport to become more masculin. Gyms! Come on, American culture is all about gyms.

    If both men and women take good care of themselves regardless of age, they should be fine.

    Have a look at Shu Qi and her husband, they are going strong together despite ten years of marriage.

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