The Female Competitive Death Spiral

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I noticed that women were often looking out for each other. Within their social group, they tried to help each other out. This could be as simple as copying lecture notes from each other, which one of them got from some simp. They even supported each other in getting their love life handled. Assuming that most of them had a boyfriend they were happy with, they were actively looking for guys who would make a suitable long-term boyfriend for one of their unattached friend. I recall women talking up some chick in their social circle, telling me about what a great personality she had and how much fun she was to be around.

Back then, women also kept each other better in check. Slutting around was heavily frowned upon, and so was wearing skimpy clothes. Then again, this experience is based on living in a small city where a woman would quickly ruin her reputation if she had one-night stands. Presumably, they also reminded each other to not get fat. In East Asia, this happens to this very day. If some chick started to pack on the pounds, she would get criticized by friends and family alike. It is easy to see how the aforementioned dynamics lead to women lifting each other up but also ensure that the better looking among them would not behave in a way to complete outshine them. Sure, some of the women were more attractive than others but due to preexisting social norms they were disincentivized to maximize their appearance. Overly sexualized clothes were simply a no-no.

There are also dynamics that are bit less healthy. For these, there need to be women who are quite insecure about their status. These women will attempt to lift themselves up by dragging the women around them down. The relationships of women in such a group can be described as nothing but hostile. Examples are better-off women encouraging others to deplete their resources, for instance by putting pressure on their friends to engage in reckless spending, or women insinuating that it was perfectly fine to eat a cupcake, get a tattoo, do drugs, drink alcohol, or engage in casual sex, while they themselves abstain.

The aforementioned examples may sound odd to you, but I have witnessed all of them. It is quite something to see a young, slim woman tell a friend how seems to have difficulties maintaining her weight that she should treat herself to a piece of cake, and that she looks gorgeous. Several times I observed women encouraging each other to consume large quantities of alcohol, so much so that they end up vomiting. I recall one instance where a woman was quite flirtatious with me, and pretty sober. At some point she just let her wasted friend sleep on a couch in a club. She shrugged and told me that “she will be safe”, and then leaving the venue with me. Obviously, she was not wife material. This example is also a great illustration of how women eliminate competition in the sexual marketplace because I certainly would not have gotten involved with a woman who was no longer able to walk steadily and her incapacitated drunk friend was one woman less to compete against.

Unfortunately, for women, there is another stage in the development of these dynamics. This happens when there are no longer any corrective forces in place, be it a wider social circle in a small town, or close friends who look out for each other. In particular if you go out a lot, so that you become a regular in a few clubs, you will invariably meet groups of women who seem to drag each other down to hell. In London I saw groups of girls who were so wasted that they had fallen asleep outside of a club, on the pavement. In Berlin, they snort shitty coke, popping pills of dubious provenance, or habitually smoke weed. There were women I bumped into so regularly that I could witness their decline. Within the span of six months to a year, some got more and more tattoos, became sluttier month after month, and seemed to lose control of their lives. Before they knew it, they were going on drug-fueled benders that lasted for two days.

You can almost feel pity for women who only have women looking after them who are as messed up as themselves. This is the female competitive death spiral in which they attempt to drag each other further down. Perhaps the thinking is that if the women around them are sinking faster than they themselves are sinking, then they will look better in comparison. Of course, because they all think that they are better than any of their girlfriends, each of them would tell you that they not nearly as messed up as any of their friends is. This even happens to women from the best families. I knew a very attractive blonde, the only daughter of a rich business man from the South of Germany, who fell in with the wrong crowd. Within two or three years she went from being some kind of dream wife — she had a lot of suitors — to being a tattooed slut with a bad coke habit. Her crowning achievement was getting a kid out of wedlock at the age of 29.

A lot of modern women do not have good life outcomes, even though not necessarily disastrously bad ones, and I wonder how much of it is due to them dragging each other down. Of course, society is lying to them, telling them that they are all princesses and deserve to get everything they desire. However, among men it is surely a lot more common to both get and receive honest feedback. Women, on the other hand, often encourage each other to do stupid shit, like getting a worthless degree, drinking a lot of alcohol, and having sex with random guys. In their late 20s, often already in their mid 20s, they realize that they no longer get all that much attention, and then they try to settle down, often in vain. Clearly, there is a reason why we used to have chaperones.

9 thoughts on “The Female Competitive Death Spiral

  1. In their late 20s, often already in their mid 20s, they realize that they no longer get all that much attention, and then they try to settle down, often in vain.

    Isn’t average age at first marriage somewhere around 30 for both men and women? I don’t think it’s very common for chicks to settle down before their late 20s, at least not if they have higher education.

    PsychHacks has an interesting video where he speculates that this age at first marriage is the equilibrium point between average male and female sexual value.

    1. I am not exclusively referring to marriage. It seem quite common that marriage-minded women date seriously for years before marrying. Thus, a marriage at 30 was likely preceded by several years of having been in a monogamous relationship. You normally do not encounter such women in sketchy nightclubs.

    2. Another key differentiator is relationship frequency. A common pattern among mentally stable women is that they have a teenage boyfriend for years, and often these women trade up at university, for instance if they meet someone whom they believe to have a much brighter future ahead of himself. The gap between such women and those who party for years, yet think that they can get a steady boyfriend at 25, just because they want to, is wide.

    3. The hypothesis about the equilibrium point is interesting. I would argue that the marriage age is determined by the rate of change of attractiveness, to get nerdy for a bit. Peak female sexual market value is certainly a lot closer to 20 than 30, but towards 30, her attractiveness will decrease at an ever-faster pace. Similarly, his attractiveness, influenced by earning potential, may shoot up in his 30s as that is an age when guys may get a meaningful promotion, e.g. moving from individual contributor to manager.

    4. Exactly, Aaron. I always thought that women sleeping around before marriage is a terrible idea. Their “experience” should come from a few committed relationships to get a feel of who’s right. Not fucking every guy in college and in night clubs.

  2. In their late 20s, often already in their mid 20s, they realize that they no longer get all that much attention

    On the topic of girls already noticing the loss of attention even sooner, I only became aware of this very recently, and it was to my great surprise.

    Basically there’s this girl we’re in a kind of a “flirting but it goes nowhere because of certain reasons”. Known her since she was 18… but after she turned 23 and then especially after turning 24, she became really threatened by the new 19 year olds entering our sphere.

    She even lectured me at how I shouldn’t be trying to bang 19 year olds, and they’re too young for me and it wouldn’t be appropriate. I kid you not, a 24 year old acting like an old feminist talking down the competition. Mind you, I haven’t even tried to bang any. This was pre-emptive lecturing.

    When I first saw signs she was becoming threatened by younger chicks, my first thought was that I was imagining it. Because from my point of view they’re all just “young chicks”,
    I mean how could a young chick be threatened by young chicks, she’s one of them! From her perspective she’s already panicking about the 19 year olds coming up behind her and getting more attention.

    Then I saw a random video of Krauser discussing this phenomen, then others mentioned it.

    1. To be fair,some women don’t seem to age well.

      I have had several former female classmates who used to be quite hot. While I wouldn’t say they “hit the wall” (Its not like they went from 8’s to 4’s,although I definitely know somebody who went from a kinda cute 6 to fat disaster 3. I dunno what happened to her. My guess is though is that its probably caused by the stressful 9-5. she should have secured a potential husband while she was still in college.),the downgrade in their attractiveness from when they were 18-20 and 24-25+ (but not 29) is definitely noticeable.

      One woman in particular used to be really popular in college. School pageant winner. In her prime,most guys probably wouldn’t rate her lower than 8. Today? Colored hair,tattoos,and skin not as smooth looking anymore. At least she didn’t fatten up,so she didn’t let herself go,but she’s a far cry from where she used to be IMO.

      In her case,I think woke feminism is to be blamed. If you’re going to play with tattoos,at least use the temporary ones. Surely that gets you your attention fix (How do we help women overcome that biological urge to attention whore? does Meditation help here? I’d be curious to know if Aaron has ever coached female clients in Meditation) in cocktail parties without permanently marking yourself? but I digress.

      I definitely think the stressful 9-5 has a lot to do with people (not just women) not aging gracefully in general. The most unfortunate thing about it is that most occupations don’t even need to be 9-5. Work Productivity can be maximized with just half the amount of those working hours. Depriving the average joe/jane of having a life outside the office is completely unnecessary,but that’s getting into a whole different topic.

      Basically,just another example of how mainstream society is fucking everyone over.

      From this perspective,I can definitely understand why a 24 year old would be threatened by 19 year olds,lol.

    2. I have had few female clients, and these did not want to talk about meditation. (The most stereotypical request was from a woman wanting my advice on whether she should leave her boyfriend. She did not have anything better lined up but she somehow thought she could do better. I very politely disagreed.) My wife has picked up meditation and considers it beneficial for her well-being. Then again, she is a very calm person to begin with and she also never cared about getting attention from strangers, always dressing modestly.

    3. Oh, I’m not even talking about those (the ones that age quickly and badly). I had noticed those a long time ago. It might have been one of the first thing I noticed in the mating market. Basically if you saw a chick be super desperate to lock down a guy at 19-20, a few years later, you’d see them and they looked like a milf (at 22-23 they already look 30-40).

      Those are less surprising. I’m talking about even the ones who age much more normally, and are like subtly different at 23 than 19, yet they already start to panick and compare themselves to 19 year olds. That’s the part that surprised me. It’s not surprising at all for the ones who age badly/quickly.

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