My favorite female ever, Sleazy’s Wife, left the following comment:
Found yet another instance of the Chinese being brutally honest to one another regarding dating (in the context of leftover women):
If a blind date said to me that as a husband, he wants to make the final decision on what electronics to buy and all I just need is to tell him what I’m looking out for, I’d be happy! I don’t understand this leftover woman’s resistance to being taken care of by a husband who says he wants to lead. I get that she’s wary of hardcore male chauvinism but that’s been significantly watered down in the younger people of today anyway. None of my mainland Chinese friends have dictator-husbands.
What’s unsaid is maybe she’s telling herself she doesn’t want to be married because she’s already no longer that desirable to men (she’s in her 30s, sports butch hair, and is a lawyer).
In response, Old Anon added:
This is actually part of a longer documentary called “Leftover Women.”
The lawyer, Huamei, is actually the most physically attractive woman in the entire film, despite her terrible haircut. She’s got clear skin, straight teeth, and the much-desired “double eyelid.” She’s also in great shape. There’s a scene where she visits a nightclub looking quite nice in her low cut dress.
I am not sure she has trouble attracting men. Although she says she wants an educated man with “respect” for women, what’s left out are the other things the other women (including their mothers) in the film talk bluntly about as absolute requirements (surprise, it’s looks, money, and status). I think she is being honest that she is picky, and frankly l don’t blame her given what the men she encountered looked like (and likely what their salaries were compared to hers; l doubt an engineer or government drone makes that much more than a lawyer, if at all).
Interestingly enough, according to an interview with the filmmakers, she ended up moving to Munich and married a German.
I find the phenomenon of leftover women quite fascinating. The Chinese clearly know what’s up when they tell women that they need to settle down early. This is not “internalized misogyny” or some such bullshit but simply an acknowledgment of biological realities. A woman spending her 20s chasing career success and looking for Chad in all the wrong places is simply at a disadvantage in her 30s.
I find the claim that the Chinese are misogynist in that regard downright ludicrous. In fact, I see great concern for female happiness. It is undeniable that women find motherhood very fulfilling, and certainly much more fulfilling than creating PowerPoint presentations while sitting in a cubicle or open-plan office. How many genuinely happy single, older women have you met? No matter how you’ll look at it, observation seems to clearly lead to the conclusion that a woman needs kids to feel happy about herself, just like a man needs some kind of purpose, basically, anything will do. If a man does not find a status hierarchy to climb in his job, he’ll want to tackle one in his spare time, like getting kyu or dan grades in some martial art, or showing off some widget or piece of furniture he has built to friends and (online) acquaintances.
A man who lives life without purpose is likely to enter a downward spiral: sloth, mindless media consumption, or drug problems are likely to use up his energy. In contrast, a woman who does not fulfill her biological purpose, will tailspin in a different way. For instance, where do you think the crazy cat lady meme came from? It has firm roots in reality because childless women may get a cat that fills the role of a baby. Surely, you have noticed that cats are about the size of a baby or toddler, and rarely beyond. They may also get active in various social causes, like volunteering in refugees-welcome initiatives. This is, again, an example of their mothering instinct running wild. They have no babies, so they need to nurture someone else. A helpless cat or a seemingly helpless refugee, in particular unaccompanied minors, may be an excellent replacement, at least in their mind.
You can bet that the Chinese are well-aware that lazy men and childless women cause all kinds of problems. Thus, they have no welfare state. They also have no qualms about shaming women into marriage. While this may lead to temporary unhappiness for some women who may lust after Chad, you can bet that society as a whole is a lot better off. This is indeed a feature of the Chinese mind: putting society above your own petty preferences. I think this is an area in which the West can learn a lot from the Far East.
Did you enjoy this article? Great! Here are further steps to take:
(1) Leave a comment and tell us what you think about this article. If your comment is not related to this article, then post in the most recent Open Thread. Keep the comment policy in mind!
(2) Check out Aaron’s excellent books, the latest of which are Sleazy Stories II, Sleazy Stories III, and Meditation Without Bullshit.
(3) Book Aaron for one-on-one consultation sessions if you want brutally honest advice.
(4) Donate to the upkeep of this site. This blog is free of advertising. This is great for your user experience, but the site costs money regardless. Please contribute!