This is another old and unpublished post of mine, which I originally wrote in early 2010.
I recently received an email in which a guy made an interesting observation while reading through some of my earliest public forum posts:
“In one of your post, you wrote how you had trouble sleeping next to a new girl at her place, and that it took you a few weeks to get comfortable. This wasn’t a factor that you used to take away from your congruence and in your ability to bed women. Most guys on the other hand, would take situations like that, and think “There is something wrong with me, and therefore, I must correct this first” and then wouldn’t be able to meet women because they feel like their unable to be congruent with who they think they have to be (perfect).”
I would agree that just being grateful for what you get is a great trait of a seducer. In fact, in my very first “field report” written in 2006 or 2007, when I was just dabbling with seduction, I ended up making out a girl, and I was stoked for days afterwards. It felt great that after having gotten virtually no experience with girls, which was largely because I did not want to, I could just awkwardly walk up to a girl, stammer some sentences, hang around for a little bit and somehow end up making out with her. Of course, it all went downhill afterwards because I couldn’t quite process what just happened, particularly as it happened so quickly. Nonetheless, I did enjoy it.
However, what I often notice when I read other guy’s “field reports” is that they are beating themselves up over their alleged shortcomings. They don’t see what they have achieved — talked to some girls even though it’s something they usually don’t do, maybe kissed her, maybe gotten a phone number. If your goal is to get better with women, then this beats sitting at home and playing World of Warcraft. Instead, those guys focus on what they have failed to achieve and blame themselves if they didn’t get the girl. Some of the most painful posts to read are from guys that get angry because they have gotten “last minute resistance”, i.e. the girl didn’t end up having sex with them. But what’s so bad about having a hottie in your bed you can make out with and feel up to your heart’s content?
We are not in the Olympics here. In the end it’s your choice. You can either cherish your successes however small or insignificant you think they are, or you can focus on your shortcomings. But which one will probably be the happier person and in the long run the more successful guy with women?
Great article Aaron! It gave me quite an insight.
However, what I often notice when I read other guy’s “field reports” is that they are beating themselves up over their alleged shortcomings.
This is related to the way many of us deal with our expectations and with the frustration when things don’t go the way we wish. Many guys hate to deal with failure, so they rather won’t try anything at all. It reminds me one paragraph of that Elle article I shared some time ago:
“Most love-shy men,” Gilmartin writes, “would like to somehow magically bypass what many of them perceive as the cruel indignity of dating, and just somehow wake up one morning married to the esthetically lovely, beautiful girl of their dreams.”
The lure of PUA was that (supposedly) you could bypass all this by just training yourself into X method and this method would give you the skill to get girls. Even if what you’re doing is actually no different from what you’d be doing without it -except PUA gives you a false sense of confidence, yet is more because you trust the method rather than yourself.
You can either cherish your successes however small or insignificant you think they are, or you can focus on your shortcomings.
As long as you don’t get stuck on a level, hahahahahha. It happens so many time, and it still happens to me. You get along quite good with some girl, yet nothing happens because you are afraid to escalate and you feel good with what you already got.
Man you have no idea how much I relate to this post. The guys I knew who were “PUA’s” would see nothing but failure, whereas I just had fun with the whole process. Just having a convo with a nice woman was enough to make my day better, while the guys would get down on themselves while achieving much more.