The other day I watched Van Wilder, a reasonably entertaining comedy about a rich guy who postpones graduating from college because he just loves it so much. This won’t be a blog post about the plot of that movie, albeit I was quite surprised about how many non-politically correct jokes there were. As I normally do, I looked up the filmography of the main actors online. Tara Reid played the role of eye candy:
I wanted to satiate my intellectual curiosity, so I looked up what other movies she had appeared in. She was also Bunny Lebowski, but not nearly as good looking in that role. Anyway, this post isn’t really about Tara Reid’s acting career either. What I found more interesting than that was her personal life, as highlighted by Wikipedia, which was almost as amusing as Van Wilder:
- meets a dude in March 2000 who proposed to her in October; the following June they split
- has her boyfriend propose in January 2010, they plan a lavish wedding for May 2010, but break up sometime in between
- has a new dude in November 2010; rumors of a marriage swirl around, but by February she’s on her own again
- marries a dude in August 2011, but in October she let’s press know that she isn’t legally married (probably the marriage was annulled)
- dates a musician from 2013 to 2014
This is only what you’ll find on Wikipedia. There were probably a few more relationships she’s been in. Still, I find the pattern of wanting to get married, marrying (or not) and then looking for someone else quite baffling, particularly in 2010 and after. In 2010 she was 35. With her sexual market value dropping like a stone she is still dreaming of yet another White Knight. Business men and financiers weren’t good enough for her it seems.
Now you may say, “Sure, Aaron, but what does this have to do with me? I’m not going to bang her anyway.” Well, she’s turned 40, so even if you would get the chance, you would likely refrain. However, the very same pattern Tara Reid exhibits in her personal life is one you can easily encounter when dealing with your average Western girl.
After having known a woman for a bit, some just drown you in negative PR about themselves. Let’s say you take a walk with her and she mentions that somewhere close by she used to live together with her ex-boyfriend. As you hang out more often, you start counting and notice that there is a recurring pattern: there was a certain point at which either the guys bailed (happens a lot more often with hot girls than you may think) or she left the guy (probably she got the chance to get some alpha dick). As you meet more women, you quickly encounter red flags, at which point the question is for how long you will keep her around.
The issue is that a lot of girls don’t seem to be able to learn from past experiences. Instead they stick to the relationship pattern they know, probably modeled after her fucked up single mom, and run in the same dead-end relationship after relationship after relationship, hoping that it will be better with the next guy. Such self-destructive patterns seem fairly common, even though they are not often talked about. Tara Reid is apparently afraid of getting married because she does not want to miss out on something. Jenny down the street isn’t at that level. Instead, whenever she is about to get serious with a guy, she goes out and ends up with another guy’s dick in her, “because if I really loved him, I wouldn’t do this”. As a consequence, none of her relationships go anywhere. Her best friend Cindy may have a psychological defect that causes her to actively seek out abusive men. Some years ago I met a girl who claimed that she only wants to “have men she isn’t allowed to have”. She did end up sleeping with a couple of her superiors at work or the occasional married guy, but they all quickly dumped her. Some girls I was involved with (briefly) had a penchant for creating an argument out of thin air, with the goal of getting rough makeup sex. That shit gets tiring really fast, in particular once you have had enough experience to see the pattern.
The bottom line is that whenever there is some odd behavior about a girl you are with, chances are she is just going through the motions with you, and working hard on recreating situations she is familiar with, even if they will ultimately not do her any good. Bailing is normally a better choice than trying to fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed. After all, they are very comfortable with their role, as absurd as this may sound to you.