Open Thread

Open Thread #59

Aaron "Sleazy" Elias

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95 thoughts on “Open Thread #59”

  1. “German real estate prices will continue to skyrocket, experts predict”
    https://www.iamexpat.de/housing/real-estate-news/german-real-estate-prices-will-continue-skyrocket-experts-predict

    Besides mass influx of “refugees” and zero-rate policy there is also another matter to be discussed: rich russian and chinese “entrepreneurs” are buying German real estate as if there’s no tomorrow. This is especially true for Bavaria, Baden-Wuerttemberg and the big East-German cities (Berlin, Dresden, Leipzig, Chemnitz, Erfurt…). Shouldn’t there be a law that prohibits this kind of harmful market exploit? As far as I know in many countries you can’t buy real estate as long as you aren’t a citizen (meaning: having a citizenship and / or living in that country). Why should we tolerate excruciating real estate prices, just so that some rich chinese oligarchs can park their money… ?

    Reply

    1. I use to wonder about this myself. You shouldn’t be allowed to own property unless you actually live in it or are a citizen. I think cities like Vancouver have a problem with sky high property prices and actual owners not living in them.

    2. Well certainly rich foreigners do bid up prices on real estate, but the dominant factor is central banks “printing money” and keeping interest rates artificially low, thus causing and artificial housing boom. But what goes up must come down and vice versa for interest rates.

      When interest rates rise, and sooner or later they’ll have to, it won’t be pretty.

      Rich foreigners are a convenient scapegoat, but they’re really only bidding up the prices of high end real estate.

    3. That’s not entirely true. Some just want to park their money more or less anywhere. A couple of years ago there was an infamous post on ZeroHedge on a dilapidated shack in Vancouver that sold for a few million Canadian dollars, if I recall correctly.

    4. I see what you’re saying AAron. I could see that. But I’ll bet if you look at transaction volumes something like 95% or 99+% depending on location will be domestic buyers taking out low interest mortgages.

    7. I was wrong according to this article:

      https://www.handelsblatt.com/today/politics/auslaender-raus-mayor-suggests-locking-out-foreign-investors-from-berlin-real-estate/23583128.html?ticket=ST-2466206-oAl2N4LjphWWR93vQbZW-ap4

      “Interestingly, Berlin currently has a lot in common with the market in the far-smaller country on the other side of the world. According to the Berlin senate, up to 68 percent of Berlin apartments were sold to foreigners in 2015: That adds up to around two-out-of-every-three apartments sold. And that’s a massive increase: In 2009, only 14 percent were sold to foreigners. It’s also a higher percentage than the rest of the country: Handelsblatt research indicates that up to 40 percent of all German apartments and around 50 percent of business properties are sold to international investors.”

      I’d want to verify the numbers first and get more details on exactly how the numbers are interpreted, but this is pretty drastic.

    8. The numbers mentioned in the articles are peanuts. The german real estate market is about 280 billion a year. The “foreign investors” buying real estate worldwide are more often than not pension funds in search for 3% interest to pay out to the elderly. So much for the superiority of capital market pensions.

    9. Even ten years ago in Berlin you had apartment blocks that stood half-empty because Danes, Greeks, and Spaniards bought apartments as an investment. It is a lot worse in other big cities, in particular London and New York City.

    10. How is it “peanuts” that 68% of apartments in Berlin are sold to foreigners?

    11. @Haselnuss
      >>So much for the superiority of capital market pensions.<<

      In Germany we have pay-as-you-go pension schemes!

    12. @Sleazy

      68% is the new insignificant. ^^

      We have similar problems in Hamburg. Whole blocks in Altona, City-Süd, Barmbek and Eilbek were bought by “investors” from Greece, Malta, Italy and Ukraine (!)…. most of them have high vacancies…..

  2. I wanted to pick up on a couple of themes from previous open threads. Increasing your success rate by reading signals. If I see a hot chick my eyes will immediately go there. People (especially women) can read my expressions very well. Sometimes we lock eyes and I get an immediate smile, and sometimes a “hi.” Of course I smile back and say hi. Sometimes when they say hi it’s really quite, almost inaudible. Not sure what that means if anything. Anyway, what are your guys’ success rates when you act on this type of situation?

    Reply

    1. This is not uncommon. I had women mumble “hi” as they walk past me and avoid eye contact. If you get anything, it’s a green signal.

    2. This reminds me of when I was in Los Angeles getting a job at a whine distributorship. When I was signing some paperwork this smoking hot Latina with a great body said hi. I looked up and she was not looking at me, so I assumed she was talking to one of her coworkers. But nobody said hi back. Not only did I blow an opportunity, but she probably assumed I was an asshole lol. Yep just another one my many anti-game stories.

    3. @GoodLookingAndSleazy,

      Please, I’m the king of Anti-game stories. I’ll out anti-game story you any day! 🙂

      Anthony

    4. You feel lucky, punk? 😉 OK so in college the hottest girl in our social circle was flirting with me at a party. This other dude was trying to monopolize her attention but she was having none of it. She told me I was too drunk and needed to throw up…I didn’t need to. But she took me to the bathroom and told me to stick my finger down my throat. I eventually puked and she was rubbing my back the whole time. AFTER I puked she put her hands out for me to hold. I held them and rubbed them. We shared a drink and I started rubbing her back. She turned into me and we hugged. We didn’t kiss because I’m a fucking idiot. I saw her the next day at a party at my house and she practically ignored me.

      Beat that.

    5. This is some top-level anti-game that will be hard to beat as the girl did all the work for you, even used a pretense to get some alone time with you. I think most cases of anti-game are not nearly that clear, i.e. the girl gives you some ambigous signals — that’s the best you can normally hope for — and the guy just does not make a move.

    6. Unfortunately I may have an anti-game story even more ludicrous. I was in a nightclub walking to the bar when a random girl stops me. She says “Hi”. I say “Hi” back. She looks at me and says “You’re really beautiful.” I, like an idiot, say “Really? You think so?” She says yes and some guy she’s with look embarassed and agrees. Like the idiot I was I start having a friendly chat with them, wonder to myself if they’re a couple and try to see if she’s giving me any IOIs because she was really hot. After a while I say bye and get my drink, thinking to myself that it was a shame that girl didn’t give me any sign she was interested because I was really attracted her.

      A few *years* later I realised.

    7. This is also a great example! It also hints at something else: because some women do take the initiative, at least to some degree, inexperienced men can easily be led to believe that hookups work like in the movies, i.e. the woman does everything.

    8. My anti-game moments off the top of my head:

      1. A woman at a bar winked at me and l didn’t know what to do.

      2. A woman at a bar grabbed my ass and l was so shocked l didn’t know what to do.

      3. Women have friended me on Facebook after having brief conversations with them in real life. Of course l did nothing.

      4. A woman at a party put her arm around my shoulders and left it there for a long period of time. I just froze and did nothing.

      5. A girl l was acquainted with asked me who l thought was the most attractive girl at our school. She got pissed off when l responded honestly.

      6. A couple of women asked me if l had a girlfriend. I would respond no and wonder why they remained silent for so long after l responded.

      7. At university a woman wanted to study with me, came into my room, announced that she wanted to take a nap, and went into my bed. I took her at her word and studied alone in my kitchen.

      8. At a party when l announced l was leaving, a drunken woman l had met earlier came up to me and kissed me on the cheek. I thought she was being friendly and left.

    9. Imagine you had banged all of them! This also hints at a key part of (real-world) seduction: simply recognizing if a woman is into you and not fucking it up. I think that if your typical guy would simply make use of the opportunities he gets, he’d end up with plenty of sexual experience.

      Encounter #7 is quite something. Can you imagine the rejection she must have felt? (“I’m in his bed, waiting or him. Instead, he’s hiding in the kitchen. He must think I’m ugly.”)

    11. Yes, luckily for for me l eventually understood how to recognize these signals with help from your writings, Aaron.

      Alek, your writings have also been very helpful as well.

  4. Spoitfy are playing ads (in the uk) for an insurance company. The scene is a couple whose house is burned down, lots his job etc and the wife leaves him for the fireman who comes to put the fire out. Then he goes on holiday from the insurance payout, and he is happy.

    This is another sign of normalizing hypergamy and alpha/hot male gets the girls (nothing you can do about it if you cannot pay for it), and other things too.

    Reply

  5. How can you know if you are good-looking/ok/ugly? I read minimal game and it seemed like it’s important to look good but I don’t know how to tell. Hard to be confident that a girl is looking at you and is interested if you don’t know if you’re ugly and nobody will be interested.

    Reply

    1. Has any woman ever come up to you and told you that you’re cute or good-looking? Do you catch women checking you out? Do women engage you in conversations, including service staff that is a lot friendlier than they would have to be?

    2. This doesn’t happen to me. I don’t normally get randomly get into conversations with anybody (man or woman). Also I don’t have people calling me cute, especially not randomly. Occasionally close-ish female friends have complimented me. I don’t know how to tell if a woman is checking me out, but nothing too obvious (making obvious eye contact randomly and smiling, for example).

      However I am fairly shy and don’t much hold contact with strangers or talk to people without a reason — I don’t know if part of it is that, but probably random people complimenting you or chatting you up or overtly checking you out isn’t related to shyness. Do things like that happen to good looking people?

  6. Sleazy, what’s your general take on Counselling & Psychotherapy? Is it just a load of weird mumbo jumbo or can it be helpful, under certain circumstances?

    Reply

    1. His other blog has some topics on that and a few discussions between him and me on therapy, as we both have multi-year experience with this.

    2. I couldn’t find the discussions on Aaron’s other blog. But here is what I’ll say from my personal experience. Most therapists are crap, but if you find a good one, you can benefit. Make sure you get the feeling they’re on your side. And try to go in with specific goals and issues you’d like to resolve. But of course sometimes you need some room to explore exactly what it is that’s bothering you and a good therapist can help with that as well.

    3. Just make sure you don’t end up with a psychologist who takes seriously American Psychological Associations Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men, or some similar document in your country.

      The document contains 10 guidelines, but guildeline 3 is my favorite. It reads: “Psychologists understand the impact of power, privilege, and sexism on the development of boys and men and on their relationships with others” :)))

      Quote:

      “Although privilege has not applied to all boys and men in equal measure, in the aggregate, males experience a greater degree of social and economic power than girls and women in a patriarchal society (Flood & Pease, 2005). However, men who benefit from their social power are
      also confined by system-level policies and practices as well as individual-level psychological resources necessary to maintain male privilege (Mankowski & Maton, 2010). Thus, male privilege often comes with a cost in the form of adherence to sexist ideologies designed to maintain male power that also restrict men’s ability to function adaptively (Liu, 2005).”

      And another:

      “Male privilege tends to be invisible to men, yet they can become aware of it through a variety of means, such as education (Kilmartin, Addis, Mahalik,
      & O’Neil, 2013) and personal experience (O’Neil, 2015; O’Neil, Egan, Owen, & Murry, 1993). Indeed, awareness of privilege and the harmful impacts of beliefs and behaviors that maintain patriarchal power have been shown to reduce sexist attitudes in men (Becker & Swim, 2012) and have been linked to participation in social justice activities (e.g., White, 2006). ”

      You can enjoy the whole thing here:
      https://www.apa.org/about/policy/boys-men-practice-guidelines.pdf

    4. CBT and related approaches are useful. The rest is more likely than not a bunch of nonsense. I would especially stay clear of psychoanalysis. I don’t recommend taking happy pills either, even though that is seemingly a quick fix in the short term, with unknown long-term consequences.

    5. I’ve been around the block a bit with therapists. I agree wholeheartedly with GMoney that you should go into therapy with some specific goals in mind . And I’ll add that ideally, you should be able to reach your goals and then stop therapy.

      There are a few decent therapists and a whole lot of lousy ones. One thing you may want to keep in mind is that you may have a hard time finding a therapist who is okay with you slaying pussy – I had one years ago who begged me to avoid casual sex, and I dumped my most recent one in no small part due to his judgmental attitude surrounding the hooking up I was doing.

      My understanding is that a lot of the material out there for helping people with sexual or romantic relationships is designed for married couples or other serious partners (think: marriage therapy.) Even if a therapist secretly wishes he were in your shoes hooking up with college students, he’d realize that he can’t be of much help in that regard, whereas he probably has a lot of experience and training regarding making a relationship work out.

      For relationships, I can say from experience that seeing a good therapist while you’re in a long-term relationship can be very valuable. For anything prior the point in which you might want to become boyfriend/girlfriend with someone (i.e. hooking up with someone or dating them casually), you’ll likely get advice that is a contemptible mix of traditional dating advice (“be yourself,” my one therapist told me) and social justice lunacy.

      Regarding happy pills, my thoughts are, it really depends on what your issue is. They’re literally the only thing that’s preventing some people from putting themselves or others at risk of serious harm. For some, drugs are what allow them to hold down a job or even function at a basic level. But depending on what your condition is, you might be able to start out taking pills and eventually wean yourself off them, after doing a lot of hard work on yourself. But I think if you spent a few days at a mental hospital (hopefully not as a patient), you’d understand why that’s not for everyone.

    6. As a quick remark: I was referring to SSRIs. What I had in mind where in particular women who take them rather haphazardly. I met women who openly told me that they are on SSRIs. Yet, they made them feel “numb”, so they stopped doing so when they wanted to “feel alive” again. I have heard the exact same justifications several times. Of course, once they got off their pills, some of them did pretty crazy stuff, like going on day-long drug benders and banging a whole string of random dudes. As an armchair psychologist, I thought that those women never bothered to address the cause of their unhappiness (their lifestyle was a major factor) and instead just popped some pills to feel better about their miserable life. I’ll probably elaborate on this in a future post.

    9. I thought about doing CBT. What I find important: a therapist that is “normal”, meaning: no SJW and feminist bullshit. No snowflake crap. Someone who understands certain male problems and views. I have multiple “bad” habits, many of which are reminiscent of SAD, that I would like to get rid off, e.g. the incapability of saying no and similar stuff.

      @GMoney
      I am ashamed to see that SJW, anti male resentments and feminist crap have found their way into psychotherapy.

  7. You guys ever noticed that guy’s who talk shit about dudes who struggle with women are always guys who don’t get laid themselves? Or they are married to some fat/ugly bitch? The married guys who talk shit are the worst. They think they are God’s gift to women because some ugly/mediocre girl likes them. In contrast, guys who are successful with women tend to be really cool and not talk shit.

    Reply

    2. Nothing but the TRUTH! The problem is that the narcissistic wannabes outnumber the confident men by a wide margin. Frustrated men out there look up to and admire these assholes and think they are inferior to these liars. It’s an ugly cycle. Guys like Aaron are hard to find for quality advice.

    3. Keyboardwarriors. Successful people don’t complain on reddit nor do they show their faces on youtube speaking about a subject that would completely ruin their lifes. I cringe hard whenever I see a recommendation on youtube where a bold, average dude with a messy room in the background talks about his ‘redpill awakening’ and that ‘all women will leave you some day’ and that they will grab all your recources. Yeah, yeah she’ll take you 1995 honda civic and half of the tv armchair you found on the other side of the street.

    4. Years ago, when I wasn’t getting laid, I noticed this exact thing – the guys that obviously weren’t getting laid were quick to point out that I wasn’t. I spent much of 2019 slaying it with the ladies, and what’s funny is, my success has made these same guys quite insecure, and they’ve taken out their envy of me in rather unpredictable ways. This includes guys that I haven’t even bragged about my exploits to, but who have, presumably, been able to put the pieces together.

      I suppose that, for these guys, the only way for them to feel better about themselves is to compare themselves to someone that (they presume) is getting laid even less than they are. It would be kind of like a toddler looking down on another toddler who has fewer toys.

    5. Totally agree with this.
      I had in the past a huge social circle, mostly average looking beta-type guys, some ugly ones, but also some chads (I met an uber-chad in my time of military service)
      The chads basically never cared at all about my success with women, and one I told my whore stories and he just found it funny.
      the average/ugly guys were always very competitive around girls, like as soon as a girl entered the room they became total assholes.

      The most black-pilled moment I had in my life was when I was out with my uber chad friend.
      We went to a bar close to his apparment.
      Literally 10 seconds after we entered the bar, he spotted 2 hot girls who were leaving, he approached them with this “genious opener” “hey wanna come to my place? I have alcohol”) -> they agreed.
      5 Minutes after we arrived at his place, he was already making out with the hotter girl.
      But the other girls obviously completely ignored me.
      30 Minutes later the girls left. Now I was thinking my chad friend would be pissed at me for preventing his easy lay. But he was like “hey bro lets continue with this video game… a the girl? I will just fuck her tomorrow”.

      This was when I literally realized that chads live in a different world.
      And it gave me peace with my whoring hobby because I just realized that I’m not playing the same game as chad. But I can play the whore game, why should I not use my advantages?

      On the other side, if I had prevented a lay of my average bro friends, they would have been SUPER pissed at me.

  8. All my life only young girls (as young as it wasn’t a crime) were attracted to me. Hell, even my extended family members liked me as a real good friend until they turned like 20, then I’m dead to them.

    At first I was disgusted by online dating such young chicks, but messaging anything 21y.o.+ was always dead to me, I can count on my hand dates with such females. And I wonder why? Was I some kind of man-child? Maybe my brain operated on such wavelenght that I could only really converse with younger folk? Maybe it was hypergamy? Now I’m too old for ripe 18 year olds, so these 24y.o. I message are still as disinterested as ever.

    It’s not that I even fucked these young chicks, I was romantic as hell (depressed and anxious too) so really wanted a relationship. Anyone had a similar story? I don’t understand it at all. Fun fact, many of these chicks had no father and/or were virgins or unkissed, maybe they were weird after all.

    I was too ashamed to post it on reddit, but here seems a friendly place.

    Reply

    1. What exactly is the problem with young girls being attracted to you? As long as they are legal age… ?

  9. A female coworker told me yesterday that she watched the 007 movie Die Another Day with Pierce Brosnan and he reminded her of me. She kept bringing it up. Is there any truth to the “sigma male” thing? I’m quiet but confident. I’m efficient with my words. I treat people the way they treat me. Nice dude until you cross me. Maybe
    I just look like him. If that’s the case,thats ok with me 😆

    Reply

    1. sounds like you’ve got a grip on what your issues are. Chicks love 007, obviously, so if you’re getting these types of compliments, then, yes, as you’ve said you’re probably an anti-game guy who needs to work on escalation. You could almost certainly bang this coworker. Invite her to dinn dinn, then to yours for a “movie”. Nothing to it.

    2. That’s a big compliment – she’s definitely into you. Pierce Brosnan is my favorite bond next to Sean Connery. Proceed with caution however at the office.

  11. Regarding therapy – some of you guys may be interested in reading about Stoicism (Marcus Aurlieus’ Mediations) – this book (also interviews with author on Youtube) is pretty interesting: “How to Think Like a Roman Emperor” (ties CBT w/ Stoic philosophy), by David Robertson

    Reply

    3. another item to be labeled “stupid shit that wouldn’t exist with hard money”.

      People have too much time and too much easy money, I tell you.

    4. Women would probably find an excuse to wear it. “It’s sooo comfortable!” or something like that!

  13. I have some very nasty, bad habit. This is I spend way too much mindlessly browsing the Internet without any clear goal. It’s very hard for me to break it, it seems almost as I do it automatically. Maybe the best way to break it would be to go cold turkey? On the other hand I am software developer so it’s hard to imagine me practicing coding (outside of work) without access to the Internet. Any advice will be appreciated.

    Reply

    1. Dude? Block all sites but the ones that you really need for coding and use a local host for software tests. How can a software developer not be able to solve this problem on his own? Also, take a hammer and smash your smartphone.

    2. Cancel your Internet subscription at home and limit your data plan for your phone to a few GB/month. If you have a work phone with a generous data plan, remind yourself that everything you do on it might be recorded.

  14. Jordan Peterson regularly talks about how to behave, how to think, how to get your life around etc.

    Did he ever mentioned unchangeable factors of human interaction, e.g. height, build, face, hair and their importance?

    Reply

    2. He is the typical “just work hard and life reward you” bluepiller.
      the typical bullshit.
      completely ignoring genetics and environment.

      An acceptance based mindset, accept what you can’t change, but try to change what you can, and be realistic, is much better.

      One reason I like Aarons blog because he is exactly like that, he doesn’t lie or promise unrealistic results, and he doesn’t tell you what you want to hear (“just learn this magic trick and supermodels will flock to you!”)

      I’m just wondering if Peterson is a scammer or if he really believes in his bullshit.
      It’s hard to tell with him.
      He is clearly very intelligent but even very intelligent persons can be deluded, especially if they are religous

    3. ‘He is the typical “just work hard and life reward you” bluepiller.’
      At the end of the day there is nothing left but working hard and hoping for the best. The alternative is to live a depressed and bitter life or to kill yourself.

      ‘Did he ever mentioned unchangeable factors of human interaction, e.g. height, build, face, hair and their importance?’ He does in a very acedamic way, like talking about symmetry of faces which is basically looks. Also he is very high level about it, you cannot expect him to talk about it like a blackpiller youtuber would, because his main clients seem to be successful professionals who have mindset problems.

      Honestly I wish I were bluepilled again. The ‘manosphere’ just turned me into a depressed piece of shit. I even had more success with women following conventional ‘wisdom’. Though I never was a simp or wimp.

    4. I don’t believe that his main audience consists of successful professionals. Instead, he appeals most to guys who lack guidance in general and need someone to look up to as they are too afraid to make their own decisions.

      Your statement about working hard needs further qualification: I think it is better to make a serious effort (“work hard”) than to be idle. However, expecting rewards is a problem. Ideally, your reward is intrinsic, not extrinsic. If you write a book because you want to write a book, the reward is the feeling of accomplishment due to having written a book. However, if you write a book in order to become famous, your reward is extrinsic. There is also the issue that what you think you need may not be quite what you had imagined. Our famous psychology professor ended up in rehab himself as he couldn’t quite cope with the fame he gained, for instance. (Note that I don’t necessarily imply that fame is Peterson’s primary motive, but this guy strikes me as quite a narcissist, so it’s certainly part of his motivation.) Of course, the problem with motivation is that you can’t really influence it. You can’t suddenly decide that from now on, you shall only be driven by intrinsic goals.

      Lastly, let me add that your angle only works for high-IQ people. The average Joe is perfectly happy subsisting on sportsball, booze, drugs, and porn. Do you think your typical IQ85 thug or welfare leech is tormented by existential despair?

    5. @Donald: Actually a lot of the men who end up bitter and depressed are the bluepilled guys who married some slut and ended in sexless relationships.
      I recommend the deadbedroom subreddit for a reality check.
      (fun thing is, quite often it’s actually the men who don’t want to fuck their wifes anymore, probably because they are ugly)
      If you consider that 50% of marriage ends in divorce, and from the remaining 50% most end up sexless and boring, it’s almost a guaranteed failure.
      You might argue these men are still better off than being single, but I don’t agree with that.
      I always prefered being alone over being with someone I could not stand.
      And today with have much more stuff to do when you are single.
      E.g. right now we are kinda communicating on this blog, in the past this would not have been possible.
      And in the past a lot of men had to marry to fit in socially, but today no one gives a fuck if you are single…. but people still operate under the old mindset mostly.

    6. @Donald
      >>Honestly I wish I were bluepilled again. The ‘manosphere’ just turned me into a depressed piece of shit. I even had more success with women following conventional ‘wisdom’. Though I never was a simp or wimp.<<

      Yeah, Black Pill can be crushing…

    7. “Yeah, Black Pill can be crushing…”

      I was much more depressed when I was blue pilled.
      I couldn’t get hot girls and was constantly worried that I’m just a total freak and must be doing something totally wrong and everyone else knows the secret.
      Once I realized it just came down to me not being as attractive as chad (having chad friends greatly helped with that, I just observed my chad friend talking to hot girls with the same boring stuff that I used “what is your job, what are your hobbies, blablabla” but he got much better results), my frustration was much less.
      If wasn’t that I was so bad at “the game”, no, I was literally playing a different game. Or the same game on hard mode basically.
      So today, while I still can’t get hot girls (other than paying for it) I’m pretty chilled about it.
      Thank god at least I got a good brain and so I can make money quite easy. I still have it much better than most other people on the planet.

      Basically before the black pill my expections were not aligned with reality. Now they are. And having high expectations is a recipe for frustration and depression.

      I would even say depression is the result, when expectations doesn’t match results

    8. @Sleazy

      I also doubt that Peterson has been as depressed as he states. He finished his Master’s degree at age 24 and became a doctor at 26/27. If you you are strongly depressed, you rarely finish college that fast. Strongly depressed people are even incapable of taking a shower.

    9. Peterson has been having some rough weeks, as his daughter recently shared:

      In Canada, a Bachelor’s takes three years and PhDs are also quite short. There are probably even universities that allow you to skip the Master’s and move onto a PhD program right away. If you do that, you could be done at 18 + 3 + 3 = 24 years.

      Also, it could well be that he was depressed, but on medication. Plus, there are certain pills that make you more alert, with the downside that the long-term effects are unclear. He mentioned that he was very productive during his PhD, and that could certainly be explained by swallowing the right kind of pills. Also, he’s in a b.s. subject where you can just make stuff up. For a study, you recruit a dozen students from one of your classes and claim that this is a representative sample of the population of the entire world. I have no doubt that someone driven could churn out a paper every month or two in this field because it’s just so incredibly intellectually dishonest.

    10. @Sleazy

      Thanks for the clarification. I didn’t know that it can be achieved that fast in Canada. Most people in Germany in STEM fields are over 30 when the finish their doctorgrade / PhD.

      He mentioned in an old interview that he was on Prozac (Fluoxetine). Until his miracle meat diet.

  15. Any ideas on how to get some non-women related life goals?
    I have the women problem kinda fixed but I cannot escape the feelings sometimes that life is just pointless.
    I dabled in a lot of things, reading, writing, playing video games, scuba diving, hiking, philosophy, but I can never stick to something for long.
    I also traveled a lot bot got bored of it as well.
    e.g. like Aaron I could never stick to writing a book I always give up after a few pages because something else catches my interest, but as a result I don’t make any deep progress.
    I guess it’s a luxury problem but I would like to get some goals and be able to stick to them.

    The typical life goal for a men my age would have been to get a family, but I don’t want to get married and I don’t want to get kids either.
    Anyone else here a 30+ bachelor? how do you fill your days?

    Reply

    1. All right so your post has stimulated me to think about my own situation as it is similar. I’m 37. Never married, never will be. No kids. Plan to get a vasectomy soon.

      I guess for some guys having a family does give their life meaning (hopefully they don’t get fucked in all the ways we know they can get fucked). But I also know some guys who decided to settle down and start a family after playing the field hoping it would give their life a sense of meaning, but they didn’t derive any more meaning from their family life than they did from their single life. One guy did it to please his mother. He says in retrospect he’s not sure it was the best decision, but he doesn’t seem too unhappy about it either.

      I too have dabbled in a lot of things. My education is in Computer Science. I worked as a software engineer and project manager throughout my career. I’ve also worked briefly as a personal trainer – not for me. I’ve done stand up comedy and decided not to pursue it because I didn’t want to put up with the lifestyle of living on the road and – in the early years – broke. I might restart it as a hobby. I had a period where I studied latin dance practicing 10-20 hours per week. And I’ve been getting back to that.

      ===

      I’ve always enjoyed reading. I go through periods where I’m interested in a subject and read several books/papers on it. Then it’s onto another topic. Then I cycle back through all the topics and do another “layer.” Topics include: science, philosophy, economics, history, psychology, neuroscience, software/computer stuff, and other stuff that’s not coming to mind right now.

      With each new round of in-depth reading I get a higher resolution picture of the world. I find the process enjoyable. I have an ever expanding reading list that I periodically pare down.

      ===

      As for not going deep with a single pursuit… Basically I decided that for whatever reason I can’t force myself to focus on just one area, just like I can’t force myself to settle down with one woman. Maybe I’m just wired that way. I decided that it’s okay to have multiple interests to pursue rather than be a super specialist. Actually it can lead to certain synergies.

      However, it is true that one derives greater and greater satisfaction from a pursuit as one’s expertise in that area grows. What I seem to be doing is focusing 80-90% of my energy on going deeper with a few “primary activities” and the other 10-20% trying out new things.

      ===

      As for life being pointless and finding meaning – that is a big challenge! One thing I decided though is that I have to make my own meaning. Say I have a business that’s serving some market need, well that’s meaningful! I’m helping people get what they want! Say I’m spending time socializing with my friends. Well that’s meaningful god damn it! I made someone smile… meaningful!

      Not sure I know how I did exactly, but I just decided that I can choose to make things meaningful! In part it’s been helpful to work with a psychotherapist and do a lot of psychological work on my own. Trying out many different techniques and approaches and sticking to what seems to be most suitable to my needs at any given time. Mindfulness meditation is a also a big help. As well as physical exercise, which I always enjoyed.

      I think a big part of the answer is to really really get to know yourself and just do what works for you. One size does not fit all! It’s a job for a lifetime. To be fully yourself! Recognizing your strengths and playing to your strengths, mitigating your weaknesses and structuring your life so that it best meets your needs.

      For example, while I enjoy computer programming, I enjoy it much more when I’m developing a product from scratch (essentially running my own business). Which is precisely what I am doing right now.

      Some people like to set goals, especially SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time Bound. I did that religiously in my 20s, but I’ve come to realize I feel much better when I throw all that shit out the window. I don’t turn into a sloth, just the opposite my creative energies are freed and I accomplish more and enjoy the process more! I just feel more free that way and I really enjoy that feeling!

      I’ve had to learn to just trust that if I follow what I want to do moment by moment, everything will be alright. If I feel like jerking off in the middle of the day (when “I should be working”), then I jerk off. If I wanna take a day off from being productive because just don’t feel like working that day, then I do that. Fuck it! In the end I come out ahead.

      So that’s my ramble. Hope you get something out of it.

    2. I suffer from the same problem, although sometimes l wonder whether it is due to depression.

      Unfortunately l have found that life is pretty meaningless. I once heard someone say that life is merely a bunch of distractions from the inevitability of death.

      I guess try to enjoy yourself while you are still in good health. It will only get worse as you get older and become more limited in your abilities.

    3. I’ll post this podcast link here as it is directly related to the discussion. Because the problem of not having meaning in life seems to prevalent in modernity.

      The podcast is long, but worth it IMO. It may seem he’s taking forever to get to the point, but that’s because he’s very careful with words and trying to structure his message precisely. If anyone actually listens, let me know your thoughts.

      “From Crisis to Meaning with Shinzen Young:

      On this episode, we talk to Shinzen Young about mindfulness within the context of the modern meaning crisis. Shinzen is a renowned meditation teacher and neuroscience research consultant.”

      https://www.soulspacepodcast.com/2019/07/21/episode26/

      Shinzen Young is my meditation teacher and I can say that he is for realz!

      Also of interest, while we’re on this topic. Here is a video discussing the technology that was discussed in the second half of the podcast.

      “A Technoboost for Meditation

      Jay Sanguinetti is at the frontier of colliding two worlds: eastern philosophy, and western, modern science. With his training in philosophy, neuroscience, and cognitive psychology, coupled with a Ph.D. at the University of Arizona on the neural processes of conscious and unconscious visual perception, Sanguinetti is helping individuals become more mindful through technologically stimulated meditation”

    4. Well this “create your own meaning” just doesn’t work for me anymore.
      My rationality kicks in “don’t delude yourself idiot, you know this is pointless” most of the time.
      I tried meditation as well, it feels good while you are doing it but the effect doesn’t last very long for me.
      I just guess there isn’t really a solution to this problem.
      I’m just gonna keep distracting myself with whores computer games and good philosophy.
      And waiting for the singularity. Actually that’s my biggest reason why I keep going.
      I think some serious shit is gonna happen in the next 50 years, be it good or bad, I want to see it all play out.
      It’s not a very glamorous reason to keep going but I’m not going to delude myself.

    5. @Martin

      I understand the feeling of “this is pointless.” What I don’t understand is how is that more rational than “this is meaningful to me”?

      I am not saying you gotta keep trying to make your own meaning, I’m just challenging that “life is pointless” is the rational position and deriving any kind of meaning from anything is irrational. How so? Because the universe doesn’t care? Because there is no God? So what? Is that what’s stopping YOU from caring?

      The whole meaning thing really only makes sense in the context of humans (and perhaps other sentient beings). Things are meaningful or not to individuals.

      For me the whole “this is pointless” thing had to do with being at least mildly depressed throughout my life. Looking back it was more of a symptom than a cause of depression.

      Meditation alone was mildly helpful, but not sufficient to take care of my issues. Then I started doing more “psychotherapeutic” type work on myself – things like expressive writing, working with a psychotherapist, examining my childhood trauma, thought patterns and personality traits. And then working to make adjustments and to learn to be kind to myself. The skills I acquired through meditation really turbocharged that process.

      In the past year I’ve made a good deal of progress. I’m feeling better and I expect this trend will continue. If you’re feeling depressed or disconnected from life, hope you find a way to get past that. Although it sounds like you’ve found a strategy that’s working for you.

      P.S. Not holding my breath for the singularity, but I am looking forward to seeing how the future unfolds!

    6. @G:
      I wouldn’t consider myself depressed anymore.
      I was in the past, but not anymore.
      It’s more like I’m “meh” about life. Sometimes I have moments of joy, but I would not descirbe my state as “happyness” and I don’t think happyness is even possible, it’s just an abstract concept to get us to do stuff (the carrot on the stick, basically)
      Once you have what you thought makes you happy, your brain chemistry literally recalibrates isself and you go back to your old state.
      I just don’t think there is any escape to this, and so I just accepted it and I’m also kinda amused by it.
      And the people who are very into mindfulness/enlighenment, I think they are just running away from something. They are still traped in the same pattern basically, wanting to reach a different state of being.

    7. @Martin

      I’ve hung out a little bit in the mindfulness/meditations circles. And yeah they are full of “seekers.” They’re looking at their guru as some sort of a superhuman with superpowers. And they’re stuck in the seeking pattern, seeking to reach enlightenment, when one way of describing enlightenment is the cessation of seeking. Kinda ironic.

      But I think this is as you say the way the human brain works. It makes sense evolutionarily speaking for satisfaction to be fleeting, and for the brain to recalibrate. I think being amused by is good. I also find it amusing. I think that “meh” feeling can actually be liberating as it’s a form of acceptance. Like hey that’s just the way life works.

      I do think that regular meditation practice helps recalibrate the brain away from seeking mode and I do think “enlightenment” is a thing. But there is nothing mystical shmistical about it. It’s just that after a certain threshold of attentional skill is reached there seems to be a shift in how the brain functions and thus a shift in a person’s subjective experience of life. And like with everything else, some people’s brains are better at getting there than other’s.

      I think when a person is considered “enlightened” is somewhat arbitrary and varies from tradition to tradition and from teacher to teacher. But I do think it’s a thing.

      I continue to practice in order to maintain the benefits I’ve already gotten and because slow as it may be, there is progress to be made. I don’t get hung up on enlightenment.

  16. How to deal with pedophiles? A former good friend of mine did come out of the closet and it was a shock for me. Furthermore he consumed “chIId porn” and was a football coach @ children’s teams. I remember that his brother also found out shortly after and told the police.

    Reply

    2. Thats a tough question. These days, pedos are probably the only people more radioactive than white heterosexual males and actual rapists. Nobody wants to touch that with a. Rusty 1000ft pole.

      I have not delved that much into that issue myself, but the sense I get is that for most it seems to be a type of paraphilia (sexual deviancy) which, sadly, seems pretty stable. Pretty much like homosexuals, they didnt choose to be attracted to children (and by children we mean prepubescent boys and girls, being attracted to a sexually developed 15 year old girl is biologically normal, even if legally not permissible).

      I have come across posts in forums where pedophiles explained that while they could not control the orientation of their attractions, they would content themselves with being celibate and watching kiddie porn (actual or cartoon porn) because they knew their attractions were wrong and they would not want to act on it. How sincere they were or how practical this is in real life, I have no idea.

      But if I had a friend who came out as pedo, it sounds like a somewhat sensible course of action. I dont think they should be punished for theorethical crimes or thought crimes, as long as no actual child is harmed. I would incentivize them to consider voluntary castration if they thought they would not be able to control themselves at some point.

    3. We don’t have to discuss your friend in detail, but I’d say there is an enormous difference between a guy looking at pictures of children (not that I condone it!) and someone abusing children in real life. Also, “pedophile” has, just like “Nazi” become one of the favored insults by the regressive left. Today, you’re a Nazi if you write something mean on the Internet. Likewise, you’re, in their mind, a pedophile if you read Japanese manga containing drawings of attractive, nubile women. On top, women past their prime are quick to call you a “pedophile” if they learn that you are dating a woman half their age.

    4. @Yarara

      >>while they could not control the orientation of their attractions, they would content themselves with being celibate and watching kiddie porn (actual or cartoon porn) <<

      isn't that a crime on itself?

    5. @Sleazy

      >>We don’t have to discuss your friend in detail, but I’d say there is an enormous difference between a guy looking at pictures of children (not that I condone it!) and someone abusing children in real life.<<

      You are right. It's difficult to draw a line, although there are some NoNos, e.g. a pedophile wanting to adopt children and stuff ^^

    6. I think plenty of behaviors that are quickly smeared as “pedophilia” are absolutely not pedophilia. Why is it that you’re a “pedophile” if you look at drawings of anime chicks, but not a terrorist if you watch movies that glorify violence? How about we get some consistency here instead of those never-ending double standards! Yet, if our wise and magnanimous rulers defined what certain behaviors entailed, they couldn’t sic their thugs, online and offline, on us so easily.

    7. @Frank

      “isn’t that a crime on itself?”
      It is, but it shouldnt. Punishing the mere posession of the material stems from the misguided belief that the children are revictimized each time someone views the material, which is nonsense.

      Moreover, you could do cartoon or otherwise animated material without ever touching any real person, and these are usually banned because of the misguided belief they promote child abuse or some other magical thinking like that.

    1. It’s bullshit
      Cases like Ted bundy are kinda proof that they can’t read minds.
      Or at least they are not better with it than men.
      Another proof is all the women who get bump and dumped by Chad and them cry themselves too sleep because they can’t lock him down into a ltr

    2. There is a kernel of truth to it as women tend to scheme and manipulate more than men. Thus, in principle, they could therefore spot such behavior in men. However, men don’t normally engage in such behavior, so it does not really help them. Amusingly, scheming women, when questioned, tend to quickly fall apart, so I don’t view this as an evolutionarily helpful trait at all.

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