The Open Thread is a place for open discussion among my readers. Post anything you feel like sharing! From now on, the Open Thread will no longer be monthly. Instead, there will be a new Open Thread whenever it is adequate. The stage is yours. Go ahead!
The latest Open Thread is made ‘sticky’ to improve access.
Please consider throwing a few coins into the tip jar, and buy my books! They are great. Your support is greatly appreciated.
With my recent comments on this blog, I might be giving off the impression that I’m unhinged and pro-violence. You can all rest assured that I’m not.
I believe Marc Macyoung and his peers were among the early self-defense instructors who pioneered the idea of “Soft-skills” (Awareness, Avoidance, De-escalation, and Disengagement). Back in the day when we had martial arts magazines marketing they could make you a tough guy (and that learning to fight and being the tough guy by itself will magically solve all your problems), the idea that there skills that are more important than the ability to unleash mayhem was not a popular one. We’ve come a long ass way from back then.
But now the pendulum has swung to the complete opposite direction. I sometimes check out the martial arts section on reddit and whenever I see a poor child in destress about being bullied every day in school, very upvoted comments tell them to just “run away”, “Just take it and put up with it, be proud that you will be their boss later in life!” or that “YOU are the problem” (expecting shy, inhibited, unconfident people to just magically change their whole vibe with a snap like its magic), etc. (I’ve posted a thread here where I helped one such kid, which I’m very much proud of, even though I got accused of being “weird” for caring. lol)
The “Avoid a fight AT ALL COSTS” mindset is just as bad and unhelpful as being willing to throw hands at the drop of a hat. What, are you going to tell child/teen to go demand their parents to take them out of school, switch living locations, and uproot their lives and if they don’t, they run away, rebel against their parents and end up homeless? all for the sake of “avoiding a fight”? as if all fights are destined to end with someone dying or permanently crippled? (I have never put anyone in the hospital when I fought, or have I witnessed it with any other student that fought. it can definitely happen, but lets not act like a fight in school grounds is fucking Armageddon.)
They don’t say it this way, but with the way they present their “advice”, that would very much be their implied messaging. Even the self-defense instructors that they mindlessly parrot admit there are very much times when violence is not only necessary, but even the best solution in certain cases.
The last theropist I saw was very surprised that I wasn’t bullied from a young age. It started in my teenage years. And from my sisters. I’ve come to realize that the bullies did target me throughout, but they just messed with the wrong bull. I’ve never had formal training. Some guys are just born with “it.” So the bullying came when I was more “civilized” and from female family members that I thought I could trust. A real broadside (lol “broad”).
Standing up for yourself goes far beyond being willing to get into a physical fight. There are people out there who will try to walk all over you and take advantage of you. A common example is people trying to pass off someone else’s work as their own. While women are often portrayed as the supposed victims of this, in reality it is the other way around. There are plenty of women in an office environment who try to get the geeks to do their work, just like in high school and college. It seems that the guys these women leech off would find it even more difficult to refuse to help those damsels in distress than to put a bully in his place.
Yeah, I used to do the work for women I found attractive all of the time. Then I realized they will find me more attractive if I don’t do their work. At very least you maintain your self esteem and save yourself excess work.
The unattractive, older women who form clicks at work are a whole other story, however.
Aaron,
I thought you might find this documentary interesting. I’ve been learning about seed oils for the last three years, and its impact on our health.