I once dated a woman who could best be called a social butterfly, with a very large circle of friends. Of course, the guys only hung around because they wanted to fuck her, and the other girls she did not even like that much but those were the friends she had. They competed against each other on metrics such as makeup, outfit, and physical fitness. This sounds like a miserable existence, so let me tell you by one example how miserable this really was.

One thing this woman was very good at was spending her father’s money. Her expenses were far above mine. She was still a student, yet blowing an amount of money that a typical entry-level professional, on a European salary, would have found eye-watering. This included eating at restaurants almost daily “because it is basically as cheap as cooking at home”. She also liked going to brunch on Sunday. I did this once or twice with her, but then I bowed out as I found the associated expenses ridiculous.

She had a good knowledge of all the fancy hotels and restaurants you could go for brunch on Sunday. This meant an expense of normally more than 40 euros per head — and this was quite a few years ago. In the run-up to brunch, she boasted to her friends about going for brunch at some hotel or restaurant. In turn, this compelled her friends to show up to as well. Conversely, it could happen that her friends dropped going for brunch at some expensive place at the weekend, and then she had to be there, too.

Once we arrived at this place, she was much more concerned about sitting where she could be easily seen, and chit-chatting about some crap. In fact, she barely ate anything. My view was that if I spend 40 euros or more on brunch, I better stuff myself with some extra salmon, to the point of over-eating. Not her, though. She may put a small piece of bread with cream and a bit of salmon or just a few big olives on a plate so that she could pretend to eat. She really enjoyed poking a big olive with a toothpick and sucking on it in a mildly suggestive way. For her, brunch was just an opportunity to be seen, and to be seen spending money. Eating was clearly at best an afterthought.

I don’t think that this woman was particularly unique. They are all about spending money they did not earn, and wanting to be seen doing so. In contrast, among my male friends back then we were all more concerned about value-for-money. Even relatively well-off guys I have never seen exhibit that kind of behavior. Overall, this also made for much more pleasant company because with them, you meet up to catch up, not in order to be some kind of accessory to their life that they can parade around in public.

Any woman who tells you that she enjoys having brunch, or just eating out, is probably better avoided. I have found that character traits reveal themselves even on a small scale. A narcissistic woman who has little regard for time or money and only cares about herself will not be any different if bigger sums of money are at play. You may think that spending a moderate amount of money, which you could put to much better use, can be excused, then wait for her to bring up vacation plans. Suddenly, you are not on the hook for an amount of money that would buy you a new video game but instead you are looking at a total bill that would be enough to get a small used car.