It is not uncommon that men put off plans. They may dream of writing their novel, traveling to some far-off destination or trying some crazy hobby. Not now, but someday. Yet, the time is never right. I have even met people in their late 20s or early 30s who told me about what they intended to do once they retire. Those were not dot-com or bitcoin millionaires but regular guys with a regular job who don’t have an early exit opportunity. They were talking about regular retirement. Yes, they were making vague plans about what they wanted to do in their 60s! Seeing how things have been going in the West, retirement may be even further off.
There are many issues with that approach. While it is great to be able to not give in to instant gratification and plan into the future, the extreme is most certainly not the way forward. On that note, one of my friends has been having a spectacular career. He’s working his ass off and when others sit in front of their PlayStation, he’s networking or entertaining guests — it’s part of his job description as he has to represent his organization abroad. If you looked him up online, you’d probably be very impressed. I don’t want to knock him. He’s a great guy and he deserves his success. Yet, the last time we met, he quickly emptied a bottle of red wine and told me how much he hates the office politics at his place and the silly power games he has to engage in. He also told me that he has set up a countdown until retirement and gave me the precise number of days it was until then, something around 12,000 days. Well, that is part of his dark humor, but there is more to it.
Your life will pass a lot quicker than you think. I’m not going to go all-philosophical on you, but keep in mind that you have only a few good decades during which you can do whatever you want. Some guys have at best a few years because they get tied down in their early 20s. Some of those guys end up getting divorced in their 40s or 50s, after decades of painful marriage. At that point, it’ll be to late to start over. What kind of life will they look back on?
I don’t necessarily only want to talk about women. I ambiguously wrote ‘It’ in the title of this article. With women, the issue is that while you have essentially two ways of getting them — looks or resources —, the latter is limiting because they just won’t suck your dick as fervently as some young horny slut who is dying to have your dick in her, and couldn’t care less about your financial situation. Now, don’t make chasing women the main priority in your life. However, if you really do want to get laid a lot and you’re still in a position in life where you can do that, I’d say you certainly should have a go at it. Take precautions, but get it out of your system. Even a gap year just traveling and fucking is a great idea if you can afford it.
You much rather bang young sluts while you can because once you’ve settled down, the opportunity will be gone. It’s not entirely gone, it’ll just be a lot harder to get later in life. This does not just apply to girls. On that note, a friend of mine recently finished his Master’s in Computer Science and had a few job offers. His dream was to go work for a year or two in an exotic city. Places he mentioned were Hong Kong, Shanghai, but also some Western ones like Barcelona. In the end, he took a job at a company in his small hometown. The last time we had lunch, which was probably the last time we’ve ever had lunch together, I said to him, “That kind of job you’ll always be able to get. It’s a fallback option.” He then dismissed his original ideas of temporarily moving abroad as naive and childish. I guess he’s mentally preparing for retirement in a few decades’ time.
Back to banging chicks: just like there are jobs you can always get there are women you can always get. Think of the aging woman, the single mother, the kind of woman who may have been cute ten years ago if you were drunk enough. There is absolutely no shortage of average women. If that is what you want to settle for, go ahead! However, that’s the kind of garbage-tier woman that will always be there. Just make it to 30 or 35, have a job, any job, and have a social media profile. Those used up women will reach out to you. Heck, even in your 50s you should have no problems getting the bottom 80% of women. On the other hand, the young and attractive ones you won’t get so easily. Sure, you can always pay a hooker, but it won’t quite be the same.
When it was clear to me that my marriage wasn’t salvageable, I was perfectly ready to live out my life as a monk. I was fine without women in my teens and early twenties, and now that I met quite a few of them, my conclusion back then was that contemporary women don’t seem to offer anything of value to me. I wasn’t going to actively look for a new woman in my life. (When I met my girlfriend, though, she totally blew me away, but that’s another story.) I had peace of mind because I had banged so many women. I’ve also been in all kinds of relationships, so I knew what that was like, too. Whatever happens, I won’t ever have to sit back and think what could have been. I remember my wild and slightly delayed adolescence, with all its exuberant debauchery, with fondness. If you don’t act and instead of going for what you want instead put it off and think that you’ll eventually get around to do it, chances are that you will one day look back and wonder what could have been. So, whatever it is you are striving for, get it out of your system while you can, or face regret and bitterness later in life.
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How is a guy supposed to go about dating when he works odd hours such as 2nd or 3rd shift and on the weekends?
That’s tough. You’ll have to date women with a more flexible schedule, which can be both good (college students, divorcees with money) and very bad (single moms, the unemployed and underemployed). It’s a tricky situation.
Great article. This is exactly how I feel right now.
“Sure, you can always pay a hooker, but it won’t quite be the same.”
It might even be better.
Just because a chick is hot, does not mean she knows how to suck dick.
True. However, I was aiming at the fact that a horny girl you pull home from the club may be more motivated that one who is looking for a man with resources, be it a hooker or a gold digger wanting to marry.
I’d rather have a consultation with you about this but its just one question you can answer in one word so I don’t see the point.
Where do you think is the Single Man’s Paradise is? Somewhere with high quality of life and easy beautiful women. Cost of living doesn’t really matter.
Please answer with one or two words if you are busy. I asked a question like this before and you said to go to the cities in your eastern Europe trip. Just reply yes if you still hold that position. Thanks.
I ask this purely because I feel like I need to be somewhere more happening.
You have nine figures in the bank. Just travel the world. You could start by buying up real estate in Romania (or was it Slovakia?), cashing that sweet 20% rental profit, funding further travels.
Don, do you really have a nine figure net worth?!?
In any case, the answer to your question is Ukraine, which has the highest women-to-men ratio in the world, and the hottest women.
If Don has a 9 figure bank account, I got a 10 figure bank account. I guess nobody has my superior critical thinking skills and Im unique.
Good reminder of a post. Carpe diem…and time being your greatest asset.
Reminds me of this book I read a few years back by a hospice worker, namely “Top 5 regrets of the dying”. You don’t have to read the book – the top five regrets are:
– I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
– I wish I didn’t work so hard.
– I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
– I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
– I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Of course, the above should be taken with some grain of salt.
For example, if you don’t work hard, you reap what you sow.
Perhaps you didn’t stay in touch with friends…but as that Placebo song goes “…a friend in need, is a friend indeed…”
All in all…be mindful of avoiding the extremes as Aaron discusses in his post!
Getting it out of your system is important for women too 😉 Unless “it” involves ingesting cocks of course. But the moment we settle down and have a family, we’d have to live for our children and husband. It’s not a bad thing and sounds like a great life to me, but harbouring wistfulness (at best) or resentment and bitterness (at worst) at what wasn’t pursued can’t be healthy. I’m glad I’m almost done purging it all out of my system!
In case some of you guys draw the wrong conclusions here, my girlfriend’s ‘it’ refers to something completely non-sexual.
Regret is impossible. The demonstration is pretty long (done by Spinoza) but very roughly, your decisions do not depend exclusively on your free will, but rather a lot on your environment (range of possibilities). Thus, what you “missed” cannot be regretted, because you can’t even know if it was a possibility back then. I think the fear of regret would be even worse than just regret in that logic.
I was expecting a very different turn in this article, I thought you were going to explain how to give up some of our dreams or wishes that are unattainable, so we can focus on whatever it is that’s actually a possibility for us. That would be an interesting subject I think ! (western vs eastern philosophy, willpower vs acceptance, etc).
I have not read much Spinoza, but the argument you outline does not fully convince me. It may only hinge on semantics, though. For instance, many people regret the path not taken if their plans don’t work out, even if there is no guarantee that that plan, or any plan, for that matter, would have worked out for them.
Should I regret not having sex with loads of chicks at 25 ? 20 ? 15 ? Yesterday ?
Either I made a choice back then to not do it, or circumstances were not in my favour. Either way there is nothing to regret, that is simply what happened. Similarly, if I do the choice today to simply pass, or I simply can’t for whatever reason (and yes, that includes reasons I could work on), then there is no reason I will regret it later on. As long as it is a choice I consciously make.
This is assuming, still referring to Spinoza, that I have an actual good reason to pass, and that I will invest my time and energy to something that is at least as meaningful to me (probably much more).
This may indeed be a semantic issue. I think the danger is to rationalize. Is it :
– I’m not getting chicks. Oh, they suck anyway. Let’s go mgtow instead.
=> rationalisation, you simply don’t want to do “the work”, and end up on a mgtow board ranting on how women and society have ruined your life
or
– I want to do XXX but I won’t be able to do that AND chase tails. XXX will bring me much more anyway. Let’s do that.
=> conscious decision, you go do XXX and are happy with it. On your death bed you could say, a 1000 lays would not have been worth it.
(the below is just a rant)
In fact, being a player is like being an executive at a big company. “Anyone can do it if they put in the work”, “You will regret not trying”, “Everyone should at least try”, etc. Except that no, not everyone can nor should. One can improve this and that but it’s still going to be a lot of struggle, and probably the prize isn’t much, and after X burn outs one may even tap himself on the back whispering, “at least you tried”. But it still only going to be “the 1%”, just a hierarchy, with few at the top. A few can make their way up but there is not room for everyone.
I see PU the same way now. I burnt out from it, and I didn’t even try much, and probably with the wrong methods. Still, I wouldn’t go out there trying to prove myself something, unless I’m really really sure this isn’t going to affect me so much anymore. And to go back to the topic, since I’m taking a very conscious decision, there is no chance I will regret it.
Sure, you can argue like that if you have perfect knowledge and are certain, even though it’s not clear how that should be possible, that neither your assessment of the decision nor the world changes in a meaningful way so that your assessment of your decision will be affected. Even if that were possible, I don’t think that you’d find many people who could think like that. Also, there is the issue that you often have to make decisions based on an educated guess or possibly even based on gut feeling.
I realize I sort of confused myself. If I stick to the article :
> I don’t necessarily only want to talk about women. I ambiguously wrote ‘It’ in the title of this article.
> So, whatever it is you are striving for, get it out of your system while you can, or face regret and bitterness later in life.
I agree with it. Now my comments sound odd 🙂 I guess they reinforce the point.
> Sure, you can argue like that if you have perfect knowledge and are certain, even though it’s not clear how that should be possible
It’s not possible obviously, that would be utopic. Sorry though, I’m really not sure if I can be as clear as I wish to be.