Earlier today my girlfriend surprised me with another article for my blog. It is on the futility of wanting to “have it all”, i.e. wanting a family and a “career”. In the West, the vast majority of women have been brainwashed to think that they have to get e-duh-cated, and end up with dried up eggs, but with multiple degrees in bullshit. This puts them in the uncomfortable situation of having to desperately look for a partner when they are well past their prime. In more traditional societies, as “Sleazy’s Gal” is going to elaborate, plenty of women also think they can have a career and a family, but more traditionally-minded women realize that raising a family isn’t something you do in your spare time.
Lately, I’ve encountered highly educated and qualified Asian women who don’t seem to want to stop climbing the ladder and upgrading their credentials. One of them is juggling full-time work in a demanding job and a part-time Master’s, with the intention of eventually pursuing a PhD. Why, you may ask? “Out of interest.” I should add that she’s overweight, and if not yet attached, will probably come across quite unattractive to men. I hope she won’t come to regret her decisions, but her story got me thinking about the educated female’s dilemma between early motherhood vs chasing a “career”.
Let me be clear that when I say educated female, I’m not referring to those who’ve sunk themselves into debt studying useless courses that may as well be ideological indoctrination. I’m referring to those who have a good shot at getting a decent job because they completed a productive degree, or otherwise because they hail from an elite university. Thus from such a female’s point of view, she could have a real chance at climbing the corporate ladder, and settling down to be a mother in her twenties represents an opportunity cost of sorts; a shame that she’s not fulfilling her potential, or that she’ll never know how high she could have reached if she strived.
If those words sounded a little heartfelt, well it’s because they are. From the time I was a teen, I knew and felt that I wanted to be a mother one day. My view had however all along been that I would strive to have it all: be a career woman, mother, and wife, in no particular order. After all, I saw my own mother try that for the most part. And I even want three little tots at the very least! Meeting The Sleaze has significantly deflated this ambition as he has helped me see how this is unrealistic, but I’ve to admit that it’s still difficult for me to fully accept and feel comfortable about being a young mother (2-3 children before the age of 30), and a stay-at-home one at that.
I attribute this resistance to brainwashing and societal norms normalising later marriages and motherhood. I’m sure you’re well versed with the Asian nerd stereotype that is borne out of our culture privileging credentials and studying hard. Unfortunately, I think the combination of this aspect of Asian culture with feminist rhetoric that women are limitless and can have it all makes young motherhood and being a homemaker harder to accept. After all, one didn’t graduate with a good degree and do all this CV-building just to stay at home, right? I don’t seriously think this way however, because I certainly see the benefits of children having an educated mother. Another reason for resistance is the feeling of utmost dependency on one’s partner when one is a SAHM (just like in the good ol’ days, lol!)
Therefore as much as I love the idea of nurturing children, cooking, and holding the fort at home, I can’t help but be in some discomfort regarding this degree of dependency on a husband, as well as be wistful about what could possibly have been should I strive to reach my fullest potential at the workplace. It helps immensely that The Sleaze is such a competent provider whom I know will appreciate me for playing a domestic role in the home and even wants that, but it’s also helped to hear the idea of “careers” being debunked by the likes of Gavin McInnes and Jordan Peterson. I have a hunch that this dilemma isn’t my isolated experience, but who knows; many women around me seem to have chosen their priorities easily, all right.