Open Thread

[Sticky] Open Thread #395: Women/Dating

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31 thoughts on “[Sticky] Open Thread #395: Women/Dating

    1. This has already been going on in South Korea for years. Possibly with some success since the birth rate is so low there N. Korea might overtake them simply by breeding.

  1. When looking for a wife, should I explicitly ask the potential candidate whether she wants to have children? On one hand it just makes sense to ensure we align right away; on the other hand I feel there are women who would make acceptable mothers but say they don’t want children. Since I need at least a year and half to evaluate a woman before marriage I will have enough time to convince that kind of woman to have children. But if I am wrong and she is of the kind which cannot be convinced, it would end up being a waste of time.

    1. It is very uncommon for women to not want children. Especially one willing to wed. The ones that don’t want children attract men that feel the same in my experience.

    2. tbh, I would worry about a host of other things first before worrying about that.

      I had a female classmate near the end of my college years who became my internship partner-in-crime. (Lets just say we had an incredibly unreasonable and incompetent professor in charge of us. What we went through was a massive injustice to say the least. Fortunately, the staff we worked with were all cool in contrast)

      At the time I got to know her, she was definitely competent and knew how to be a team player. She was struggling to find a place to intern and I helped her by inviting her to intern with me because I wanted an ally I could trust. “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” type of unspoken understanding. I started out college completely clueless like GLAS was, but by this point in time, I wasn’t blind to signals anymore. I was (not anymore) attracted to her, but deflected her signals because I didn’t want to get involved with anyone. I just wanted to graduate and proceed with my for after college. She definitely made quite a few last ditch effort resorts.

      Several years later, she chose to have a kid with some dude who I suspect she only got with because she saw him as a provider. After I suspected she was trying to get my attention, I spoke to her and she was definitely wanting me to make a move on her, even though she already has a kid with this guy.

      I lost a lot of respect for her on that day. (and eventually even attraction. Chase Amante does say that Attraction has an expiration date and I do think that’s true. there have been several women I used to know and fantasize about, but whom don’t tickle my loins anymore. and not just because they aged. I look at photos of their younger selves that used to inspire something in me but don’t anymore. This tendency happens faster though if they do something that makes me lose respect.)

      Imagine if I had chosen to seriously pull the trigger here. I would have become a homewrecker.

      Lots of women want to become a mother, but most won’t necessarily make for a good one. and if you have a kid with her before sufficiently vetting her character, you’ve screwed yourself over. In fact, I think the last time I checked, those two have broken up already. Now an innocent child has to be raised by a single mother.

    3. Follow up:

      I tell this story because this girl certainly had me fooled for a time that she was a “quality girl”. My losing respect for her isn’t even so much that she cheated (we’re not saints), but that she’s previously virtue signaled a lot.

      She even had an old post in one of her social media exposing a guy who tried to hit on her to his girlfriend, because she openly hates cheaters. (she didn’t expose him to the public, but she exposed him to his gf) At the time, I thought she went a little overboard, but I definitely thought “wow, she must really be a woman of integrity!”

      That’s actually part of the reason I didn’t want to respond to her signals at the time. She didn’t seem like the type who’d want anything casual, and I didn’t want to get into a relationship. I almost certainly also had conflicting values and life goals. That “I didn’t want to taint/ruin her” sentiments that some guys have when they are more innocent about female nature. I wonder how many of ya’ll remember that stage of our lives? lol.

      And then it turns out she’s not any better than the folks she openly despises. I also began noticing the trend. That the people that virtue signal the loudest tend to have some nasty skeletons in their closet.

    4. @Maou

      Women aren’t against cheating. They are against being cheated ON. Reminds me of a country singer I recently linked to, Patsy Cline. Yes, she sang ballads of the dick head who cheated on her. Yet, she left her previous husband for said dick head. You know what goes around…………. Patsy’s previous husband was too boring. I guess being cheated on was more exciting. Well, it made for some good music.

      Interesting point about cheating. Even flirting with serious intent can be considered cheating. Even if nothing sexual happens. Aaron, do you concur?

    5. There is the term “emotional cheating” as well. I think that if you are in a committed relationship, you should not casually flirt with members of the opposite sex. This includes going to clubs and bars, putting yourself on display. There are plenty of women who go out with their boyfriend and flirt with guys behind the back of their boyfriend or husband. Some do that even openly.

    6. Re the emotional cheating.

      I was out in a bar with mate the other night . flirting w a married woman whilst we both ordering drinks. My friend chastised me a bit saying “ imagine her poor dumb husband at home not knowing his wife is out all dolled up flirting with Cj tonite”

      I explained to him she was out with her girlfriend , all glammed up and just appreciated knowing she is still desirable from a cheeky handsome strange man. That is all it was. She wanted to know shes still “got it” .that is all. Neither of us would have taken it further ( I don’t mess w married women as a rule as I don’t need to , or want a punch in the face later).

      I’m doing a service is how I look at it. Keeps my flirting skills sharp and she gets an ego boost. Simples. They are just the ‘sharpening stone’ to my ‘flirting knife’ for me.

      All Relationships and marriage get stale and boring no matter what. It’s just a reality of the passage of time and getting too comfortable and in a routine.
      Quite a lot of these Chicks want some attention when out and dressed up simply. It’s not cheating. Most do it.
      And then go back to their partners and life feeling better tomorrow. It’s an escape and a holiday from real life of sorts.

      If they cheat it can be for many reasons and not always predictable IMO and IME.

    7. @Cycle Path
      That is a big conversation for early in any relationship. The woman may not be comfortable that you are a good fit for her for an LTR at that stage tbh. That’s about a 1-2 years-in type conversation when planning long term and marriage etc. focus on the romancing, fun , sex , travel and falling in love firstly.

      I would take it for granted Most women plan to have kids and it’s a given. It’s the exceptions that don’t want kids. Career women and highly independent women mostly ime.

    8. Re the cheating here’s a good common example.

      If a chick has big fight w her partner, and she’s feeling neglected , taken for granted, not desired by him or she suspects he’s playing around etc
      She may goes out with her girlfriends drinking to vent and talk it over . she’s in a highly emotional “fuck him” state .her friends chime in “yeah fuck him let’s get drunk rah rah”

      if she adds alcohol or drugs to this state and then meets a desirable dude it’s like a chemical reaction. Yeah she may cheat. It’s her in that emotional state +alcohol- inhibitions =ONS usually. But the next day she may regret it and brush it under the carpet and cover it up. It will be a drunken mistake to her.

      And what of it? It’s kinda meaningless sometimes. It’s a fact of life almost with women.
      Guys may do the same for other reasons.

      Just sayin. It’s not all black and white wrt relationships. They are complex and hard work after 2-3 years tbh.

      That is not “in defence” of cheating. It’s just reality and often out of someone’s control.

    9. James, I feel like wasting 1 to 2 years with a woman who is not willing to have children is too much. I also don’t feel like having a girlfriend per se would make my life better, the whole point for me is having children. So I am inclined to talk about it with a potential partner straight away

    10. @Cycle Path

      Not too long after getting to know me (maybe within 1-3 months), Aaron asked me to marry him as he thought I would make a good mother. If it matters, he popped that question in a jovial manner. For us, the topic of children featured prominently in our conversations even in that honeymoon dating phase. So butterflies in the tummy, hot sex, and discussions about children happened concurrently.

      I agree that you should raise this question early and not wait for even a year.

    11. @cyclepath

      Fair enough. That is great you know you definitely want them.

      Is there that much of a % of women these days that do not want to have kids tho??I presupposed most women want to be mothers as they have a strong biological urge to do so.

      I would bring it up in a casual conversation early on in dating , talking about my cute nephews and nieces usually. It’s a lead in or a preframe story. The girl will get the drift usually then chimes in with “ oh I love mine , I want some of my own” or “ yuk-kids don’t want them.. ever!” Type comments. IME.

      It just seems to be putting the cart before the horse to have a ‘serious’ kids discussion early on. Before the woman gets to know you and is comfortable. It’s a pretty big and serious topic for me. And changes the vibe to serious LTR. Which kills some of the “lust” vibe.

      Kids are a result of lust and hot sex after all tbh….just my 2cents. Most kids ime are “happy accidents” ie unplanned for.

      And couples that “try” for children struggle with conception it seems. Weird how that works.

      I would be casual and indirect about it in convo as per above and just lay a ‘hoop’ by telling a story about kids. That way you could get the info but bypass the serious convo and killing the sexy vibe..

      I would be interested to know from SleazysWife if the kids discussion happened before or after the Hot Sex happened. I would guess after a period of that occurring came the kids convo.

    12. @SleazysWife

      Haha. I Knew it.
      Of course. The hot sex ought to always come first in my mind.

      And thinking of consequences of the hot sex (ie potential babies ) can inhibit the sex and add negative effects I would think. Especially in the early period. When going at it like rabbits.

  2. So I’m working in a female dominated workplace atm.
    One thing that’s really pissing me off is womens constant reading of my face and demeanour and commenting on it .

    “ James! Are u ok? you look pissed off/ confused/ having a shit time/ lost /happy/ sad /xyz rah rah”

    Man ! It’s annoying AF. And exhausting. They are constantly commenting on this as if it’s a right of theirs to read my face and give me ‘feedback’ and ask questions. As they are nosy gossiping ‘sticky beaks’ by nature all of them. And dobbers too. ( tell-tales to management)

    My responses are flat now.
    – all good /no worries /thanks for letting me know/ or else a fake smarmy smile to respond “fuck you u nosey bitch “ (my favorite reaponse).
    Or just flat out ignore them as if I didn’t hear.

    I feel like they are constantly throwing frames and hoops on me daily with these questions.
    Which they are tbh.

    Some manager chick saw me using her depts iPhone charger cable the other week. She stood next to me and asked me “ can I help you?” In a sharp tone. I replied “ No” firmly and gave her a aggressive death stare with it. As I was annoyed at the time from this constant passive aggressive questioning that day from others. Then she snapped “that charger cable is for THIS Dept , we need it please don’t use it “ or somesuch bullshit.
    The cable lies idle daily no one uses it.

    I gathered by her stare and frown back to me she was not happy with my “lip” and may report me for my “bad attitude” now no doubt.

    I need some better comebacks and reponses to these “ you look xyz” comments .

    Any suggestions guys?
    I gotta get out of there and into a male dominated culture and job soon methinks. I’m gonna get into trouble w my attitude. There’s so much passive aggressive bullshit working with chicks.

    My least favorite is the rhetorical questions they ask me – designed to make me stop and think about the real message. Grrr.

    1. My other go -to replies are

      “ it’s personal”
      Or
      “ THATS a bit personal isn’t it?”
      With a deadpan look.

      Women say that last one to each other in their bitch fights and power battles. It’s a good one. It’s speaking their lingo too. Stops them right in their tracks that one.

      Two chicks can have a big bitch fight at work and it’s all indirect ,passive aggressive back and forth , all delivered sweetly with a smile through gritted teeth. The ‘iron fist in a velvet glove ‘ shit. I listen in sometimes and it’s quite funny and smart how they one-up each other ..

    1. I wonder why Chase even bothers with a free forum. He’s in this to cash in, so wouldn’t he make more by making his forum based a monthly membership or something of the sort? He’s already got a massive readership/customer base.

    2. Well he’s always hocking courses and memberships in his replies on his forum so it’s an internal sales funnel I suppose. And a captured market of his forum.

      He has 1,500-2,000 (!) articles on “seduction” on his forum and each one quite massive and full of fluff and blurb.
      And has them now categorised into sections and subsections on every aspect of interacting with women.

      I feel a bit sorry for the poor KJs who may be wading through all that thinking it all has to be learned to become the “super -seducer” .

      That’s TMI central.

      I was corresponding with a dude there looking for an older rare audio course by Brent Smith & Rick H. Just out of curiousity to see if anyone had it.

      He shared his google drive of PuA materials with me. I think he has every book, video and audio course that has ever been released in his collection. Its like a super-library.
      And he’s now heavily into ‘Hypnosis Seduction’. (Why so if he’s a natural? Makes no sense)

      I told him that was unnecessary and scammy bullshit. He wasn’t pleased to hear this. Considering how much stuff he’s been studying on it.

      He claims to be a natural and ex-bartender from San Fran USA with lots of IRL experience getting laid. I reckon he’s a salesman tryna hock his subliminal hypnosis courses to me. I noticed these different courses on XYZ he recommends are all by the same company.

      Its Stealth sales via forums !

      He’s got some great old stuff in his super library tho. For the PUA aficionado.

      I wonder if he has some rare video of Sleazys old seminars in Europe…So I can see what he actually looks like . ☺️

    3. Sleazys old wingman Teevster is on there and has lots of articles on his “ Sexual Framing”/ sexytalk. They are not bad but jeez so full of fluff and blurb to wade through for 3-4 lines of banter at the end . The usual PuA padding out of a small piece of information.

    4. “Why so if he’s a natural? Makes no sense”

      At this point, he might just be a “seduction geek.” (and won’t admit it) I mean, I’ll admit that I sometimes still read Girlschase’s free articles out of curiosity from time to time. and its probably useful to visit if you’re having a very specific problem that needs solving. I can’t imagine centering my life around studying this stuff though like that guy has. He’s WAY past diminishing returns.

      “subliminal hypnosis courses”

      Oh my fucking god. Everyone I’ve ever met thus far who uses “Subliminal Hypnosis” has been utterly unsuccessful, in ANY field. I once hanged out in a private lucid dreaming server, and there was a certain guy there who refused to use/read up on actual proven or at least peer approved methods/techniques and stubbornly stuck to those subliminal hypnosis audio thingies.

      Of his entire 4 year stay in that server (before he got into a fight with the admin and left. I had my own issues with that admin back in the day, but at least he wasn’t some power tripping asshole.), he gained a grand total of ZERO lucid dreams. Some people are their own worst enemy, honestly.

      Anyway, Seduction definitely isn’t a Martial Art. Its not supposed to be some lifelong study where there is always something deeper to be discovered. I don’t know if you’re familiar with “Strength by Sonny”, but like Aaron, he was one of the folks crusading against the scammy PUA industry back in the day.

      https://web.archive.org/web/20160924044602/http://strengthbysonny.com/2015/09/06/the-pua-industry-revealed-part-ii-the-main-concepts-pua-gets-wrong/

      See his point #2
      _______
      Dedicating yourself to your craft entails sacrifice. It means spending all of your time on harnessing the skills/fundamentals associated with your particular profession.

      This applies to hitting a baseball. This applies to shooting a basketball. This applies to writing. This applies to painting. This applies to drawing. This does not apply to dating and picking up girls.

      Dating and pickup up girls is not a skill. It is not a craft. It is a component that makes up an emotionally healthy lifestyle. That’s it.

      One of this main concepts that dating “gurus” and pick up companies gets wrong is the idea that dating is a craft or a skill and that the more time you put in to it the better you will get over time. This is not reality.

      I know this because I see how common it is for guys to go through the typical fanboy process of dedicating thousands of hours (and dollars) consuming every piece of infield footage and every article based on theory (or lies) with little to show for.

      They still have a piss poor dating life. They are still socially awkward. They still represent the same weak personal brand.

      Reality is this… You are a brand competing in the business of people. This brand requires the harnessing of certain skills and brand attributes that enable you to stand up favorably against potential competition.

      Social skills. Money. Lifting weights. A positive mindset with strong natural instinct… These are the things that matter. It takes time and effort to improve these things.

      **In reality, the craft is yourself.**
      ________

      While sadly not 100% true (mainly because of women’s propensity for plausible deniability and expecting men to do all the work.), what he says here is mostly on the dot.

    5. “I wonder if he has some rare video of Sleazys old seminars in Europe…So I can see what he actually looks like .”

      – btw, if your colleague does have something like this, I’d be interested. I think Sleazy even did Yoga/Meditation seminars/classes of his own back in the day, I’d be surprised if your friend had footage of those though.

    6. @Maou

      Yeah agree 100%
      That subliminal Hypno shit is complete bullshit.
      The mind doesn’t learn anything that way.
      It could in theory “ plant seeds” to take action in a certain direction. Ie quit smoking or something like that.

      Afaik regular hypnosis does indeed work for quitting smoking or so I’ve heard.
      Makes sense to me it could.

      Imo the regular type hypnosis sessions with a trained practitioner ARE useful in certain areas. but it’s just a form of influence really.

      In my studies of it I heard a maxim of Hypno I believe to be true.

      “ anything you can get a perosn to imagine, is perceived by that person to be their own thought and they will not resist it.”

      That was from Ross Jeffries basic SS course. His old and original one.

      It’s seems correct to me re influence and planting seeds and ideas in a persons mind to get them to take a course of action.

      For example – if I were to get you Maou to “imagine in 5 years time you could be the top BJJ instructor in your state or city. “ and if that was an idea or goal you never had thought of before.. and I get u to visualise the future and you running ur own BJJ gym and winning awards and breeding prizewinning fighters etc etc

      after a period time you would remember that as your own idea .. and not that it was me who planted the seed in your heard. Yknow?

      Re the sleazy seminar footage thing .. yeah wishful thinking by me. I mentioned Sleaxy and MG book and he hadn’t heard of it.

      So his super library is not up to date obvs.
      I do recall reading on some website of Sleaxy running a seminar /talk thing in Holland .. Amsterdam maybe. But also that phones were not allowed inside. Maybe he has a video he did himself..(? Aaron)

      Or maybe he could do a few videos on YT or something, and just wear a mask to hide his face.
      And use voice distortion or some shit.
      That’d be cool..

      Imagine THAT Aaron ! Haha ☺️😉

      “And as you stop Aaron, and begin to imagine that video course in the future …and think about it deeper.. and deeper now.. and even deeper still… etc etc ..” 😵‍💫 😵‍💫😵‍💫

    7. Hypnosis is definitely real. Its just not magic or a superpower.

      https://www.reddit.com/r/martialarts/comments/8o9d5q/is_notouch_ko_bullshido_a_demonstration_of/

      One other fascinating aspect of the subject is that there have been reports out there that hypnotic techniques have been effectively used in the absence of anesthesia in medical operations.

      Some Athletes (more prevalent in the combat sport sphere, which is understandable, that field of competition hits on a more primal level than shooting a basketball or scoring a goalie) develop alter egos in competition, with great success.

      “Re the sleazy seminar footage thing .. yeah wishful thinking by me. I mentioned Sleaxy and MG book and he hadn’t heard of it.”

      That sucks. but yeah. I got really lucky honestly that I learned about Sleazy via his guest post on Girlschase back in the day.

  3. Well guys

    have to report a very wild night last night.
    I went to a Sex Club in the city (first time ever).🌶🥵🔥🍑 🕺🏻 🪩 💃 😈😈👿

    It was quite the eye opener and I’m stoked I finally did it.
    Amazing ,Strange , hot , kinda gross and unreal all at the same time.

    AMA if ur interested I’ll give the full honest lowdown … cheers CJ.

    1. Ok a quick synopsis.
      I went as a chaperone for an older cougar chick I connected with on a swinger app. She was like a “mentor” for the night showing me the ropes.
      There was aShubari bondage demo and a hot candle wax demo areas. It was a techno Vs hip hop night. Everyone was in club gear and some chicks were naked. There was a “play area “at the back w 2 poof-mattress things and lots of couches. At one point I counted 12 or more couples or groups in one play area all fucking like crazy, or dudes getting blown. There was 4-5 stud guys fucking heaps of different chicks. I saw one pair of very fit and hot club chicks getting railed by 4-5 of these stud dudes on the mattress. The blonde chick got DP’d with another Donne chick orchestrating the gang bang. Women were moaning and groaning all around the place. Lots of fat sluts we’re getting spit roasted and slammed hard.

      Oh and everyone was on drugs MDMA , Cocaine and GHB I’d hazard a guess about 80% of them.

      It was off the hook but I found it hard to take it all in tbh. Was quite unreal.

      I managed to pair up with a very hot Asian chick and then a hot Greek chick with dancer bodies .. but they were scamming me for free drinks I detected. I did not get laid.

      I left a bit weirded out. And a bit annoyed I didn’t get laid. The cougar chick was a drunk and busted so I sent her home in an Uber and hour before I left,

      I’ll go again tho … pretty cool experience.
      The next day I was looking at women a bit different I’ll say that! All sorts were in attendance including girl
      -next-door types.

      The main downside for me was the Texhno music and the druggie vibe. It was hard to have any decent kind of banter or convo with anyone there.

      Next time I’m wearing more overt club gear.
      Maybe a pair of vinyl shorts and a chain or some shit. The dress code was far out. My chick lent me a spare gold Lamé shirt which she deemed more appropriate before we left her place.

  4. https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/1gh7l33/im_so_sick_of_9nly_attracting_single_mothers/

    I ran into this for some reason, but sadly the thread’s been deleted and not been archived. Whatever the case, this reminded me of the topic earlier about how mainstream society creepshames men who dare go for younger women. Imagine if somebody here had dared to voice to OP (who seems very well put together judging by the comments) to filter for younger women by hanging out in the niches where they will likely be to avoid single mothers. (a very valid strategy)

    I can imagine they’d probably be crucified as a “pedo” and and might be left at the bottom as the most downvoted comment.

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