Don Giovanni left a very thought-provoking comment in the current Open Thread. I would like to give it greater visibility, so I am reproducing it below. My response is in the comments section.
One theme that has been discussed often in this blog is that a woman who is, say, 30 years old, single, with no kids, and focused on her “career” (regardless of what kind of career that is) often suffers from poor mental health, and the idea is that such a woman is really not doing what nature intended a woman to be doing. In hunter-gatherer times, such a woman would be raising offspring.
I really wonder whether a similar argument could be made for men. Let’s take a 30 year old male that is fixated on his career. Let’s assume that he’s actually had a fair amount of career success, and has acquired significant resources. But let’s also assume that he is single and childless – maybe he’s a lonely incel, or maybe he’s actually a Chad that’s having tons of casual sex with women. Is that really what nature intended a man of that age to be doing?
I’ve met incel guys in such a situation who are basically on the verge of suicide. They’ve done everything “right” that would have secured them a wife 60 years ago – good job, car, house, etc. – but they’re “forever alone” because they haven’t looksmaxed, and haven’t put forth the rather substantial amount of effort it takes to get good at “game.”
The case of the unhappy Chad is perhaps more controversial, but I can tell you, as someone that’s both had a steady rotation of fuckbuddies / one night stands and who has been in relationships, I found that being in a relationship really helped motivate me to do well in my career and put up with the stress it creates. I’ve worked with a lot of men with families and I’ve found that they are often very successful. Work may be really stressful at times, but the fact that they’re doing it to provide for a family gives them a huge amount of motivation.
Of course, “providing” for some 20 year old that you don’t have kids with is rather different from providing for a wife and kids, but – if I can get a little Freudian – having a girlfriend who is significantly younger than me definitely has brought out my paternal instincts.
So could it be said that, just as women weren’t meant to be single and childless at 30, neither are men?
To come back to the evolutionary thinking, the one concept that I have not addressed is the case of the so-called “alpha male,” and whether Chad, by being an alpha, is actually succeeding wildly at what nature expects from him. But I would imagine that in hunter-gatherer times, such an alpha male would have lots of kids, whereas the contemporary Chad is often childless, so maybe for that reason, there’s something that’s just not quite right.