The Open Thread is a place for open discussion among my readers. Post anything you feel like sharing! From now on, the Open Thread will no longer be monthly. Instead, there will be a new Open Thread whenever it is adequate. The stage is yours. Go ahead!
The latest Open Thread is made ‘sticky’ to improve access.
Please consider throwing a few coins into the tip jar, and buy my books! They are great. Your support is greatly appreciated.
I’m very interested in these ‘Dom’ guys that chicks are looking for on this FEELD kink OD app.
For example some sexy chicks write ‘Sub seeks experienced Dom/Daddy’ in their Bio section for what they’re looking for. Many of these chicks are into Japanese rope play sex also.
Any thoughts on the usual development of a guy to become a trained and proper Dom?
I want to develop this more in my persona and sex life,
Any good books or courses to learn this available does anyone know?
Being dominant in bed and being actually dominant in real life are different, I think. You can easily take on a dominant role in the bedroom so long as a chick is willing, and she may very well enjoy it. However, simply adapting some set of pseudo-dominant behaviors is mostly futile. Some guys naturally exude dominance simply through their stature or their position in life, coupled with plenty of positively reinforcing experiences. There are definitely behaviors that you can adapt to make yourself appear less awkward, I believe. But if some 5’8” 140lbs dude comes up to me acting all tough then it’s going to feel forced, even if he is capable of being dangerous (not hard). What’s most impressive is a naturally dominant appearing man who exercises restraint and is calm.
Alek and I had a conversation related to this in an old thread:
https://blog.aaronsleazy.com/index.php/2024/01/20/sticky-open-thread-338/
______
As an example,if people have always perceived you to be a wimp and a weakling,how do you change that? Its not by puffing up your chest and being unnecessarily aggressive (not only do you end up stooping as low as the bullies you despise,but you put yourself in very real danger if you end up pissing off the wrong person this way),you do it by,as someone else has said it; “You want to be Strong? Start doing Strong man things”.
Lifting weights to get big and strong,taking up challenging hobbies,learning to fight (some would argue me on this one,but in my opinion,especially if you have a history of being bullied,this is a necessary step. I think the important thing here though is having some form of a challenging physical hobby),taking up responsibilities for causes that you care about,etc.
______
And in an even older thread, Alek has also spoken about how Charisma is mostly just a result of having power/something of value to the other party and being generous (without letting people take advantage of you) with it.
https://blog.aaronsleazy.com/index.php/2019/07/30/the-truth-about-male-charisma/
_______
Basically it boils down charisma to being a mix of two things:
1) You give off the perception that you have a lot of power/status/something of value to the perceiver
2) You give off the perception that you are benevolent in sharing that with the perceiver
If you only have 2 (you give off the perception that you’re willing to help people out and do things to their benefit) but aren’t perceived to have extraordinary value/status or anything of worth… then you’re “a nice guy” or a pushover, not charismatic.
If you give off the perception that you have a lot of power/wealth/value but are not gonna share it with the perceiver, then you’re deemed “an asshole”. It’s that combination which is perceived as charisma.
_____
Needless to say, all this takes a lot of effort to develop, and goes beyond just for the benefit of getting your dick wet. Are you up to the challenge, Cheeky?
As an example from my personal life, there’s a 4 stripe BJJ white belt training partner (I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s become blue belt the next time I see him) who I *definitely* perceive as Charismatic. He’s not a higher belt, but from my position of complete newbie to grappling, his generosity with sharing his knowledge, experience, and putting up with my klutz is definitely much appreciated. haha.
Learning how to fight is something I really wish I would have learned at some point.
If you’re not too old yet and have the spare time/income (I understand BJJ and MA lessons can get really expensive. I’m kinda fortunate that the BJJ place near my home is relatively cheap, and with surprisingly good instruction to come with it. though the facility could be better), I definitely recommend getting some experience while you still can.
I really wish I was able to get into all this in my youth. especially weight training. god, if I had lifted consistently while in my formative years, the caloric surplus throughout my growing years would have resulted in substantial muscle growth instead of it being mostly fat. at least I still grew big I guess..
Unfortunately, the schooling system here with its extremely long and horribly inefficient hours puts a gigantic barrier for kids wanting to actually pursue meaningful development in their own time. My step sister is in school from as early as 7am and home as late as 9 fucking pm. she hardly has any time and energy to do anything else after other than getting on the tablet when she comes home.
Never have kids in the Philippines I’d say, the system here just robs kids’ time for meaningful development with the shit and inefficient education system. Its a good place to retire (Thailand might be better though…), but not a good place to raise a family in from the ground up.
@ PN
I kinda disagree there.
Dominance can be learned imo.
There’s just lots of aspects to it and it takes time. Learning how to be socially assertive & interpersonally assertive is key . As is conversational frame control and learning how to win frame battles. Esp with women.
If a guy could master the above and Eye Contact. I don’t see how he could NOT appear to be dominant / super confident tbh.
(But not necessarily become the Alpha of a group)
But I do agree with your last statement it all has to be done very calmly and with restraint . A guy should never lose his cool . Or he loses the frame battle/ dominance battle.
Re the Sex
I’m more interested in these “pro” Dom guys that chicks are looking for on kink apps.
The BDSM stuff of Dom & Sub with ropes and paddles n shit , safe words, aftercare etc. yknow?
Don’t know that much about it or how a guy manages to get into it and become a proper known Dom in those circles. I’d be keen to learn tho it’s a Hot scenario imo. And some of chicks on the apps are quite hot indeed that want this experienced Dom-Sub stuff. They are newbies looking to meet that guy.
@ Maou
Had a look at the link but there’s a lot in there.
Stuff about being older and perceived as “creepy” due to not having achievements efc,(?)
That is a good point.
“Needless to say, all this takes a lot of effort to develop, and goes beyond just for the benefit of getting your dick wet. Are you up to the challenge, Cheeky?“
I’m always up for a challenge Maou 😉 😊
Charisma is an interesting. There are many books and theories with different definitions of that one tbh, but yes ‘having value’ seems to be the basis and fundamental.
I liked that the word “perception” was used in above, to me , Perception is the key word.
Very key indeed 🔑
For example the creepy older guy with minimal achievements – I would say dress him in an expensive designer suit with a flash watch. = very different perception of his behaviour then . Get me?
Real power influence and charisma is hard to come by imo. It’s a combination of a lot of things and maybe even in a large part , luck (yes!) or circumstances of upbringing (born into wealth or higher social strata).
There are to me , many ways to be dominant.
One guy can lift , and become ‘physically dominant’ for example. Another guy can have mental and verbal dominance and dominate guy 1 socially among a group.
Mental and verbal dominance are most interesting to me.
But it’s a package with many aspects . I still do want to become physically fitter and financially more successful also for sure. To move up in Tiers and Levels socially. 100%.
I could do that last one by becoming a few things tho. Either say a corporate CFO /CEO or a successful salesman in real estate yknow?
Or starting my own successful business in a niche area is another way. ( v interested in this one )
@ Maou
Re mating
U mentioned strength.
Females are 110% looking for Strength in a male . Without a doubt.
But strength is assessed in many forms imo.
Believe it. Assertiveness =Strength also.
There is the concept of ‘personal power’ which relates to the above. This is definitely translated by chick speak as “Vibe” ( one meaning of this word) . To me “Vibe “ can 100% be worked with and experimented with.
A male friend of mine got a job in high-end ish retail shop in my city. A Men’s Suit shop. He was an unemployed bum beforehand . He just did a walk in the right day spoke to the right person and got the job selling Suits.
That one move landed him a pretty hot UK chick that he married . No shit. He is living w her in the UK now. She’s quite glamorous and wealthy parents I believe.
Note to self – must buy a great suit and watch immediately ☺️ And update my OD profile wearing same to attract hotter chicks ! ☝️
That is definitely a hack imo.
Dunno why I haven’t thought of it until recently tbh…
@Cheeky
I’m assuming your friend is a handsome dude, and indeed wore a suit to the interview. He probably stood up a little taller even when getting dressed. When he entered the suit store ladies heads probably turned, and even men noticed. The positive loop kept the momentum into the interview. Bam hired. Good looking dude + decent suit. Simple as that.
Jeremy Meeks was in prison on federal chargers, did not even buy himself a suit, and managed to marry a wealthy UK socialite. Looks certainly also help me to get ahead but it does not nearly happen as often as with women. Also keep in mind that wealthy women are status-conscious, just like all other women. We are talking about pretty extreme outlier situations here.
@GL&S
“I’m assuming your friend is a handsome dude, and indeed wore a suit to the interview. He probably stood up a little taller even when getting dressed. …When he entered the suit store ladies heads probably turned, and even men noticed….Good looking dude + decent suit. Simple as that.”
Nope. He was a reasonable-looking guy. Maybe 5’11 tall. A 7.5 probably. shabbily dressed, unemployed & broke when I met him, Had a scruffy beard and pimples. A gym-er like most aussies but not particularly muscly.
He told me his mum told him “dress in a shirt and chinos , go to the city and get a job” tas she was fed up w him and wanted rent money.
He saw a staff wanted sign on the window, did a walk in and a casual chat w the manager,
I believed he got it mainly as he is a white Aussie male raised in this city. ( aussies quite racist and cliquey)
My point was he learned all about Suits in the job and the difference in perception a Suit can make. He’d rave to me about this after a few months working there tryna sell me a suit ( which he’d get commission for of course)
He showed me after a while his new OD profile of high quality photos of him wearing expensive, perfectly fitting suit/ shirt/ ties etc. With a nice trimmed beard & sunnies on. (All borrowed from the shop )
He looked like a totally different guy! like a 8.5/9 guy. Like a suit-model dude almost. With the model poses and flash watch etc .
Voila . He went on many dates thereafter and met a quality girl educated in Bio-something (if I recall) then married her pretty quickly after a whirlwind romance thing.
I guess my point was about that word “perception”.
“it’s all about perception” a senior engineer once told me when I was a green as grass junior Eng starting in my first corp job 20 years ago.
That was re office politics and the game of corporate. But the same applies to women.
Women can be quite dumb and gullible re image presented.
It’s enough to get a foot in the door (and even get laid for sure after a few drinks) for a reasonable looking guy.
Look at the Tinder Swindler – same same but on a much bigger scale. He scammed approx $10M from (?) women (@ say $200k each then that’s 50 women ballpark ).
Based on the same principle of ‘perception is key’.
“First impressions last” is a very true old phrase imo.
I’ve been browsing for more whores just for lulz and new chicks keep popping up that are in town every other day. There’s a hot 20 year old porn star advertising her services in my city at the moment. If I don’t start exercising some restraint, I’ll be at a net loss this contract.
Do some of these whores offer à la carte services so that instead of dropping a grand for anything you want you instead pay a fraction of that amount because a BJ and vaginal intercourse will do?
I get the impression from browsing through several of their profiles that they most don’t like to be bargained with. There’s also the issue that any explicit communication, no matter how “innocent”, raises a red flag due to issues with legality. So, you’d have to be able to haggle in code and I don’t understand all the lingo well enough…maybe it could be worth a try? I never thought of it seriously. Or perhaps I could think of ways to maximize time spent.
Do they mention the price upfront in some coded language or only in person? They are essentially service providers, the customer base is limited, and they want to sell something to you, so I would be surprised if the prices are fixed.
I’m inclined to agree with Aaron. The only services providers who never negotiate are those who are so popular that their schedule always fills up at the asking price, but you know that’s not the case here, because then there’d be a waiting list or a requirement to book way in advance.
I don’t think you need to haggle in code, necessarily. If what you want is on sale for 1000, you can just write something along the lines of “I saw you’re asking 1000. That’s a bit rich for me – can you do 800”? No need to get more specific than that.
(I don’t know if those are reasonable amounts. I have no knowledge of what whores charge, but I think you get my point. 🙂 )
Some haggling hints: it’s normally more difficult to get a discount in exchange for nothing as you are telling the other party that you think they are overvaluing their offer. Thus, consider offering a concession that does not matter to you. For instance, if she asks for $1,000 for four hours, say that you only need two hours because you just want to bang her and maybe cuddle for a bit, and then offer between $400 and $600 depending on your bargaining position, or throw in that you are reasonably flexible, need less time, but also do not want to pay the full price. This is also easier for the other side to accept because they don’t feel strong-armed. I see it as follows: there are a lot of whores who would like to take a thousand bucks from you but these specific one thousand bucks you can only spend one single time. Thus, the collective demand of whores to get your money is much higher than the supply you offer.
Okay, I just messaged a random whore to test it out. She was offering 300 for half an hour with a discount for 1 hour at 500. She is certainly smashable, but not near as hot as the other two also. I didn’t know the half hour option was even there.
Great that it works! I would have been very surprised if the price had not been negotiable. Now that your whoring sessions got a lot cheaper you can get basically twice the bangs for your bucks.
For the price of one super hot one hours session, I could have three above average chicks in one night. I will report back if I ever attempt to score this way again.
Side note: I’m in a pretty diverse environment. I’m getting a lot of positive feedback from average white chicks, but also above average Latin* chicks and the occasional South and SE Asian types. The cute Latin chicks often seem to prefer the status of dating a white guy. It’s easy pickings. The East Asian chicks are seemingly off the table. The hot ones make up a ridiculously low percentage of the female population, and they’re in such high demand they can hold off for Chads.
I can get 2 hot, slim & fake titted Koreans for about $350 here for an hour.
Great value 👌
I spoke to a young Chad dude at work today.
20 yo guy.
It was the big Aussie football grand final last Saturday. He told me he had a massive day of partying starting at 9am finishing at 7am Sunday. I asked him if he hooked up cos he tells me his adventures when I see him.
He smashed 3 chicks in a row.
2 at successive house parties, 1 last one at a club in the city and then back to her place.
A trifecta! 😯
Quizzed him a bit re his texting of chicks .
Pure minimal lol. Like rediculously so.
He is recently single and just mass texted a bunch of chicks on his phone a “hello /how r u / what ya been up to”
They respond with their news.
He replies “ so are we meeting tonite or what”
That’s it .
He’s 6’5” tall , plays junior league football. Blonde and blue eyed Aussie boy type.
3 chicks 19-21 yo. And he goes for blondie aussie chicks. All hot no doubt.
.
He makes it sound TOO easy the Bastard.
I’ve done a double but never a trifecta don’t think. He said he was exhausted by sleep time . I’ll bet!
😆
The future of dating
https://ibb.co/qsdLkwt