The Open Thread is a place for open discussion among my readers. Post anything you feel like sharing! From now on, the Open Thread will no longer be monthly. Instead, there will be a new Open Thread whenever it is adequate. The stage is yours. Go ahead!
The latest Open Thread is made ‘sticky’ to improve access.
Please consider throwing a few coins into the tip jar, and buy my books! They are great. Your support is greatly appreciated.
48 thoughts on “Open Thread #287”
I have a question for everyone. How do you you guys deal with naysayers? Family and “friends”. I literally have just one friend where we encourage each other, but even he failed me once. He predicted a project of mine can’t make it and maybe I should just quite while I still have time. It succeeded.
Everyone I know tells you to not believe you can do something, give up, quit or never even try. And the worst part is its always couched in the disguise of “concern” or them trying to “save you from yourself and your unrealistic goals”.
Ironically, it’s always people who never succeeded in X; who tell you to not attempt X, and then pretend it’s “for your own good”. My favorite is people who tell me that I can’t achieve something, or it takes too much time, or effort. But these same people watch hours and hours of netflix, or spend hours in cafes.
So when they tell me “it takes 4 years”, I get it. For them. I literally have double the hours in a day, because I do zero entertainment in my life.
I literally don’t remember undertaking a single thing in my life, and not having everyone tell me I was unrealistic, to give up, or not even attempt it. And when I do master it, nobody ever apologizes. Not that I would expect it, but still.
It’s been happening for 20 years now, and I always just pushed through it. I don’t know why it bothers me so much nowadays. Maybe because it happens even after you have a track-record where you broke all their previous concern-trolling predictions.
I think it bothers me because it shows how nefarious the real motivation is.
>Maybe because it happens even after you have a track-record where you broke all their previous concern-trolling predictions.<
Man,that sucks! I thought this shit actually stops happening once you accomplish something big. The initial reason that I kickstarted off this weight loss journey of mine is because I want to pursue an online business in the future and want to have the support of my family. I definitely don't want to live the typical 9-5 in the long term (who could blame me? lol). I want to be able to make a living without having to sacrifice nearly all of my day time to pursue other hobbies.
I have the information to get started,but I know everyone's going to doubt and discourage me. I figure that actually accomplishing complete weight loss after almost a lifetime of having been obese should rectify that potential problem. I still intend to finish this task of mine,but it sucks to hear that you still have naysayers despite multiple big accomplishments over the span of 20 years.
The good news I suppose is that my dad has successfully opened another business. maybe not one that's not 100% conductive to the kind of life I want to pursue (If I'm lucky,it will be,but the way most businesses are run actually result in you having less time for yourself,even in the long term),but getting into it after my weight loss would definitely be a better start than being a typical wage slave. I can try to open my online business on the side while making money on this. (and making any necessary investments)
Personally,I cut off a lot of the people I used to know in the past. Deleted my facebook and other social media. (except the ones where I'm anonymous like reddit and discord) I don't plan to open another one until I'm finished with weight loss. The amount of toxic passive aggression (People making posts,claiming its not about you,but really wanting to get across what they think of you and your goals. Distracting and I didn't want to see it anymore. Just fucking cowardly.) that oozes out of a lot of people can be pretty shocking.
I don't know if that's necessarily the right move for you though,just stating what I personally did. The new people I'm meeting are at least cool. I just got congratulated by some of the folks I met in the gym for having made big progress compared to when I went in on Day 1. (I never told any of them except the gym coach how much weight I lost. I didn't expect anyone to notice until I'm like 240-250lbs,haha) Definitely brightened up my day,haha.
I mean more specifically the fact that they still do it even after they have the information to show they always fail at such “well-meaning predictions”. It shows how rotten human nature can be.
I went and “asked” chatgpt about this subject, and it “told me” that some people are genuine and doing it to “save you from failure”.
But in most cases that literally makes no sense. Failure isn’t a deadly disease. It’s not like if your idea fails a guilottine comes down from the sky to chop your head down coz you failed.
Sure, there are some high-risk things where failure is genuinelly life-altering. But let’s face it, in 99% of situations where people concern-troll to “save you from failure”; the potential failure isn’t anything all that scary. And the potential upside is quite high.
I think it bothers me how dishonest people are with themselves
One of the most extreme examples I know is a “friend” of mine who discouraged from learning a certain technology. But he got really OBSSESSIVE about it. Like he had to CONVINCE ME not to “waste time” learning this technology. Like I’m gonna “waste my life” learning it for no good reason…
Here’s the funny part:
– I learned it rather quickly, not too many hours
But here’s the best part. This guy probably spent more of my energy and time in long rants about how i shouldn’t “waste time” learning it, than it actually took to learn it. No really.
– Instantly got 2 well-paid projects on it that more than gave back the return on investment
But my favorite part? Throughout this whole time he was trying to waste my time with hours and hours and hours and hours of gossip. But learning a technology is “wasting time” (concern troll wants to save me time), but then he wastes tons of my time on just gossip and just shit-talking people.
He also spends a ton of hours on mobile games, strippers (hours and many bills in strip clubs). But he’s trying to convince me not to learn a valuable skill “for my own good”.
I think that’s why it finally caught up with me, and made be a bit depressed about humans. I had this unrealistic idea that if only I proved enough of these predictions wrong, that it would stop. It never stopped, or even slowed down.
This is probably the hardest one to get support on. Some 9-to-5ers almost act like slaves who want to make sure no other slaves leave the plantation. If they have to give up all hobbies and self-medicate with netflix to bear the job they hate, then you must do it to. Who are you to think you can escape the plantation!!
The funny part is just how objectively untrue their beliefs are. There are literally millions upon millions of digital nomads and freelancers. You can look at the exact trajectory of what it takes to quite a day job, slowly build up a freelancing career and have that flexibility.
But some of them act like you’re saying “I’m going to become the next Tom Cruise”. Like you’re saying something super unreasonable. They say stuff like “that freelancing shit is bullshit, it can’t work”. They say it like it’s santa clause or something. But there’s literally millions and millions and millions of people making it work every day.
I think that the best course of action is to just cut those people out of your life. They try to discourage you succeeding would question their self-image. After all, if you can do X, why can’t they? As you achieve your goals, you will notice that there are more naysayers waiting for you but it seems that their numbers dwindle.
While it is relatively easy to cut off friends and acquaintances, it is a lot more difficult if not impossible to do the same with family members. In that regard, I recommend not engaging them at all when they bring up such topics. Also, if you do not bump into those people a lot, then just not sharing what you are up to is quite effective, too. It a question of ego whether you can live with people thinking that you are less successful than you actually are, though. If you are intrinsically motivated, you will probably find this relatively easy.
“How do you you guys deal with naysayers?”
You just stop looking to those friends and family for validation. Either way they don’t care about your endeavors before you’ve achieved them, and then when you do it sounds like they still don’t care or even secretly wanted you to fail because your success invalidates them. So, you instead go about validating yourself and doing the things that excite you regardless of what uncle dipshit thinks about it. And if you’re just looking for resources for success and encouragement then other professionals who have succeeded before you might be the better route. Personally, I stopped revealing my true goals and intentions to people a few years ago and instead just go about doing whatever I want without consulting others, because I’ve been burned on this too many times.
I think whenever you give advice to somebody, you essentially talk about things from your own perspective, not his. So if you failed in X, you would argue X id untenable. It is very rare to see someone giving advice based upon the perspective of the one who is advised.
That is just my thought.
Sure, but people do it without you having to explicitly go to them and reveal your goals or plans. They basically give unsolicited “advice” without being asked.
A part of socialization is talking about things. You can’t say “I just watch netflix” all day if people ask what you’re doing. But “I just play games and watch netflix” would literally be the only thing you can say to not trigger that desire in them to convince you to give up on everything.
For example the dude who got obssesed with convincing me not to learn that technology… it’s not like I went to him “Listen, I plan on learning x, and make tons of money with it”. The fact that I’m looking at it was just in passing in a larger context/conversation about tech. It was enough to trigger him to get obsessive about convincing me to not “waste my life” learning it. Because he doesn’t have it under his belt (yes, he also programs).
In order for this to not happen, I’d have to only talk about the weather and proactively change the subject and pretend I didn’t hear a question when it sounds even theoretically possible something might trigger their “concern troll”. But that doesn’t make sense. I’m networking with this person for potential collaborations (and we’ve had some).
You have to network and collaborate with other people, and stuff you’re working on is part of that conversation. Dump and reject anyone who does this is the solution? Well, you might as well move to a cave, because everyone does this.
Hmm, in that case it may be useful for you to get to the root cause of why it’s affecting you in the first place. I think most people end up collecting a lot of disempowering beliefs throughout life, and oftentimes are carrying over plenty of them from early life. Like, if someone in your family told you that you weren’t good enough to do X, or that entrepreneurship is too risky and you’ll fail if you go on this particular venture etc. If you get into a meditative state and ask your subconscious mind any question it will usually give you the answer. You can write down whatever is disempowering to you to become consciously aware of it and then replace it with something more empowering even. It’s also very possible that your partner has their own psychological hangups that they’re projecting onto you to affirm their own congruence with reality.
Is this related to crab mentality?
Yup. The phenomenon Alek speaks of here IS Crab Mentality.
>If you get into a meditative state and ask your subconscious mind any question<
I have personally not used it for this purpose,but I've read accounts from people who have and seem trustworthy. You can also use Lucid Dreaming for this particular purpose.
Meditation and Lucid Dreaming kinda have a bit of connection in a sense. Meditation,or rather,the mainstream "Mindfulness" practice take of it,is often recommended as an extra activity on the side to improve your lucid dreaming abilities. (In Gym/Weightroom terminology,Meditation would serve as an "Assistance exercise" for Lucid Dreaming. Aaron for example would probably get the hang of it quickly. I've read accounts of people with a Meditation background learning to execute lucid dreaming VERY quickly.)
It makes sense. After all,the skill in being able to induce a lucid dream involves paying attention around you and noticing clues that you are currently dream and not actually experiencing reality.
I dunno if you've tried it Alek,but you can try to supplement Pay for Play with this skill. It should be considerably easier than a lot of the other skills you've worked to learn.
I say "supplement" rather than "replace" because unless you happen to get really,really good at this (or happen to be naturally talented),you're not likely to be able to do it everyday. At my best back in the day,I was able to have a lucid dream 3-5 times a week. Still not everyday with 100% consistency,but I'd say it was a decent ratio.
Sorry,this is probably a derailment of the original discussion,but I wanted to follow up on Pickernanny's recommendation!
I am indeed talking about crab mentality. But it’s also broader than that. Because crab mentality is just making sure people don’t get ahead of you.
People’s crab mentality seems to have broadened to the point where they discourage you even if the thing doesn’t put you ahead or impact them. They still do it. I guess out of instinct.
I can’t come up with a rational explanation for your friend, the guy who advised you to stay out of the technology that you wanted to master.
My guess is a negative advice, that is talking you out of it, is an instinctual response because of the fear for failure, even if that doesn’t make you gain any advantage towards them.
I personally can find myself in your description. I tend to tell people it might be hard to do something instead of encouraging them to do those things. As I grow older, I become wiser to not hand out advices.
The fear of failure is always greater than the hope of success, when it comes to advising others about what they want to do.
My guess is that people cannot deal with uncertainty and when they are the one who sits on the side way observing you strive for success, they want to hold you back.
So it is not quite crab mentality. Those people might innerly believe that they are saving you from possible failure.
This is surely only a rationalization at best. More likely, when you question them, they will resort to this claim in a passive-aggressive manner. You see, they are not the ones trying to mess with you. Instead, they want to protect you. It’s an absolutely despicable approach and if anyone ever pulls this on you there needs to be a really good reason why you should not cut off contact immediately.
I think it’s more about the fact that they haven’t done X themselves, and they don’t others to do X first.
– In that particular friend’s example, there were quite a few things he was discouraging me from learning because “i’m just wasting time”…
– After I learned them, he admitted he had always wanted to learn them, he just hasn’t gotten around to it/had time hahahaha
No seriously. And now he claims he never discourage me. Even though I have written evidence of him doing so. It’s a general pattern with people that I see. After you do it/break their predictions, they don’t admit being wrong, they just “revise history”.
*Btw, of course he has no time, he spends hours and hours and hours on video games and strip clubs. Should I not learn shit because he wastes so many hours on games and prostitutes? I invest those same hours in adding stuff to my skills stack.
I use the programming example precisely because it proves this is not the case. You can’t “fail” at learning a technology. It’s just a matter of hours invested in courses/project work.
But the discouragement is done with the same energy and passion. The only one thing I’ve found as a common denominator is that they don’t want you to achieve things they haven’t themselves.
I think a technical skill is a good example. Aside from programming I did the same with another skill.
In that skill I also learned and added sub-disciplines at a pace 3x than others, and people were panicking, telling me to slow down because you can’t learn so fast. I should be more realistic.
(Had the following interaction like 50 times with a random dude)
“You don’t understand Alek, it takes 10 years to learn that. It TOOK ME 10 years!!! ”
And that same guy would spend 20 hours a week on clubbing, 20 hours on games etc. How is that my fault? Should I purposefully slow down my pace so it doesn’t make him feel bad? It took him 10 years because he progressed at a 3x slower pace (hours per month of learning and practice).
50 is an exaggeration, more like 10. But it was coincidentally the 10 highest-status guys in that particular niche.
These were guys who were getting attention or status in that niche from being a higher-level than others. They were super-obssesed with informing me it took them 10 years to accomplish it, and I better not dare think I can do it faster.
Oh I see now.
I thought your friend tried but failed to master the skill, so he talked you out of it, or he was afraid that that was too hard for you.
I was thinking about a scenario like this:
A kid asked me should he become a historian. My answer is no because of poor job prospects and mounting debt.
Or someone asks me about opening a Chinese restaurant in Vietnam. My answer is be very careful because Vietnam has very delicious local foods and he will have to compete with those. Then Viets don’t generally like Chinese dishes because of extensive use of oil.
Yeah definitely crab mentality, Alex.
I have one cousin who learned Japanese. He used to advise me to learn at his centre named Sakura. But after hearing me conversing fluently in Mandarin, he turned 180 degrees and told me that centre was for kids and not suitable for adults, despite the fact that I could tell it is a good centre based on his initial description.
He was also uncomfortable when I expressed my desire to open a channel on Youtube, sharing about my knowledge and tips of acquiring foreign languages and linguistical knowledge.
Me, personally, if someone outdoes me, I would absorb the initial shock and the feeling of inner crisis when my mental image of myself is fragmented. Then I will force myself to acknowledge and complement that person. Lastly, I will try to befriend in the hope of learning from him.
I just remembered a funny story I haven’t told in years, but illustrates this perfectly.
– When I originally entered the niche, I looked at the top guys as “gods”. People I could never ever catch up to. I didn’t work super-hard in order to “pass them” or surpass their achievements.
– It was actually the opposite, I worked 3x harder than a normal person coz I thought I suck so much I have to work 3x just to get to a point where I don’t “suck that much” in a reasonable time.
And one day, this dude (top dog in the niche) was in an adjacent room with one of the hotties in the niche. And he was telling her something like “I’m your best investment, who you gonna go for? Like that alek dude, he’ll never catch up to me, not even in a billion years”.
And I was sitting outside overhearing there, stunned. At that time I didn’t even understand why this “god” was mentioning me, a lowly super-beginner who’s only trying to “not suck super hard”. Because it was so outside of my reality, I didn’t even process it.
Later, when I learned that I’m getting results where I can actually not only just catch up to these guys but overpass them… Only then I realized what happened in that convo those years back.
These people CONCIOUSLY know that if you’re sinking that many hours in a skill you can get it in less time than then it took them. Same with my friend who did the same for programming. It’s not that he didn’t want me to learn stuff. He didn’t want me to learn a higher number of technologies in less years.
But what should I do, purposefully limit the number of hours a day I program in order to not make him feel bad?
I do hope you launch that channel and record at least 20-30 videos (you can’t tell how it works with less and it takes time to gain traction). But I’d love to hear what happens.
And yes, ego is a horrible thing. I am the same way. When someone does better than me, my first instinct is to find out why. What can learn from them.
I’ve found this is oddly enough a rare trait. Most people get obssed with hate when someone achieves more, and they’re too obsessed hating that person. I’ve seen this in several industries where I studied the losers.
If you talk to them, they look at the leader in their niche and come up with all sorts of weird crazy theories. Like “she’s brainwashing the customers”. She’s doing something nefarious. And they just couldn’t accept they might be doing something to drive customers away. They literally came up with paranoid theories about why someone got more results.
But when I looked at the competitor, they were doing like 10-15 things better, objectively. And all this person had to do was shut down the ego, stop hating and go “let me see what she/he is doing, and see what I can steal”.
Well, it seems you should change friends now.
In case you still need him to collaborate, I guess you have to dumb yourself down or pretend it was luck or something to sooth his ego.
But I think he will eventually look up to you and adapt to the shift of status.
Well, issue is that everyone is like this. I’d have to avoid male humans. Which I already kind of do to be fair.
I’ve only had one male friend in my life who didn’t do this. He’s born into wealth, so that might explain it.
This crab mentality thing seems to be related to a feeling of scarcity. If others gain more, I lose.
Unless I somehow infiltriate circles of wealthy families I can’t decide to only associate with people like this.
In either case, 95% of my socialization is with that one friend who doesn’t do that. The wealthy family guy. Otherwise females.
Btw, the issue with him is the opposite. Because he’s so chill and full of abundance, he’s not very ambitious or driven. So you can’t work on and build stuff with him. He lacks the urgency to fight for success.
Nowadays I mostly partner with females only. My business partners are all female (no really). It’s the only thing I’ve found that works for me.
Guys are either always obsessed about being in a dickmeasuring contest, or too chill and not driven at all. If I had know what I know today I would have only partnered with chicks from the get go. I wasted 2 decades trying to partner with guys.
This seems to be a very common trait among the affluent. Some are able to cost through life due to family money but this approach only works for a relatively small minority of those people. Most will simply kick-start the process of frittering away money. There is the saying that it takes one generation to build wealth, one to maintain it, and one to squander it but I have come across a few examples where people skipped the second step and went straight to the third one.
Oh I didn’t see it. Yeah, taken into account the crab mentality and the Schadenfreude that people have when you fail, I believe it is just a way to lie to yourself and deceive the one you envy.
It bothers me because these people are boundary violators. They’re using you as a tool to deal with their own insecurity.
Motherfucker! Get a goddamn therapist! That’s what I’m thinking.
It’s great to have iron sharpen iron. If that’s the situation, I’m all for it. But the sad truth is, most people aren’t seeking that kind of brotherhood. They’d rather use you as a tool for their own bullshit.
Yes, this is the part that bothers me. They literally bust through boundaries and try to shove unsolicited advice down your neck. All with a rationalization of protecting you.
It seems that with my comments here I gave off the impression I’m talking about one specific guy or a few specific situations. I’m not. It’s a general issue I’ve found. I only gave specific example as most illustrative. One example from a “friend” and another from a top dog who felt threatened.
But it is sad that you can’t create partnerships with guys because of this. I do have females doing this, but only female relatives. Never had these issues when collaborating with females.
I just had a thought related to this, but has anyone ever been reluctant to try something specific because mastery of it is supposed to be a multi-year endeavor? It’s almost like psyching yourself out of doing a thing because you have it locked in your mind that it’s going to be difficult. However, what if you were to basically “hypnotize” yourself into believing that you were already good at it or that you could master it within a fraction of the time that it would take the average person. Certainly if you were contemplating doing something that you had an innate desire for then it seems reasonable to assume that you may have some level of natural affinity for it already anyway.
This is not really an issue for me. Very early in my life did I make the experience that supposedly difficult material was very easy for me to master. Also, I believe that the average person has a very low skill ceiling, meaning that even with inordinate practice they would not get very far. Of course, my time is limited as well, and there are plenty of hobbies or areas of study I considered for a while or even got quite deep into, only to stop pursuing them once I realized how much effort they would take. Chess is one such example.
Also, I would not discount extrinsic motivation. I learnt the basics of programming in my teens and thought that this was not at all interesting. I revisited it over a decade later because I needed to make a living, and was able to pick up a few real professional programming languages, and the necessary theory, very quickly. Being in a position where you need to put food on the table will make you hyper-focused. My experience is surely not universal, though.
My situation is similar in some ways, but different in others.
I too master “supposedly hard” things quite “easily” in comparison to the people who tell me that things are hard.
In my case however I think I am not gifted with learning or getting things faster.
I think those people are lazy and I just work harder. They’re not not dumber, just lazier .
Whilst they give up easily, I will stubbornly work on something until I get it.
I think also my definition of hard is different than theirs. What they label hard, me… I just pounce harder until I get it. I will try 25 approaches until it becomes easy. Whereas others would say it’s hard and go watch Netflix for the night.
I think it’s also why I annoy and anger people when I go into a skill area. I’m like a mirror that shows them what’s possible if they would cut down on the Netflix and not give up and quit things so easily
That’s me. I do this. Not exactly as you describe but similar.
I do get into a manic drive to master a skill that usually takes years without getting discouraged. I do just think “I’m faster than the average lazy person and I have some advantages, so I don’t care how long it takes the average person.
I think in terms of only today and tomorrow. I work so hard that I look like I believe I’ll master the skill by tommorow and be awarded a billion dollars. That’s how much energy I put in between today and tomorrow. Like there isn’t going to be another 1000 such tommorows.
I completely lose track of the fact it’s going to take another 1000 of these tommorows. So in that sense it is kind of like as if I was hypnotized.
I act as if though someone hypnotized me to believe if I pour every last cell of me into something today, that tommorow I’ll wake having mastered it and be given a 10 billion prize or something. And I keep doing this day after after day. So it definitely is like a hypnosis.
This is kind of in relation to the conversation that blossomed from Alek’s above query, but do any of you guys ever wonder what drew you to so many cluster B women? I think the BPD types are my absolute favorite. The way they idealize you and place you on a pedestal, the intensity of the relationship etc., it’s just so addictive. Normal relationships with women just simply don’t seem as exciting until you really start to analyze why you keep going for these types. I think it’s more than it just sort of happens to you. I believe there’s a psychological component at play that guides you to these women and it’s something they pick up in you and are attracted to in you as well.
I chalk it up to attractive mentally stable women get scooped up quickly.
What’s left are the uglies and the psychos
That’s also true. I’ve made the comment that any chick that’s like 21 or so and still single is fucked up. I do have to admit that I’m quite fond of those BPD chicks, though.
I recently met this 23 year old chick. She has a reputation for being easy and recently just moved back in with her parents because she decided to dump her fiancé and hop back on the carousel. I haven’t diagnosed this chick with anything yet (haha), but let me tell you what I think a lot of her deal is. The thing is she is pretty fucking hot. 5’2’’, maybe 100 lbs, small chest, perfect bubble butt, nice hair and green eyes, model-esque type of angular facial features…Here’s the catch—she has a lazy eye! It’s quite distracting when conversing actually, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this imperfection really messes with her self-esteem. I just keep rationalizing that the lazy eye won’t matter when I’m staring into the brown eye anyway, and playing bongos on those perfect butt cheeks.
You can bet that she has enormous hang-ups related to her lazy eye. I once met a very good-looking woman who freaked out when she was straddling me because she realized that I could now notice her asymmetrical nostrils. The more attractive women are, and the more they build an ego around their looks, the more even the smallest imperfections bother them.
Indeed, thanks for confirming my suspicions. She’s definitely garnered quite a reputation around here. I imagine she rides the carousel to validate her attractiveness. Girls and boys in school most likely used to give her a pretty hard time about it and it stuck with her.
You can bet that the people bullying her for her lazy eye were not nearly as attractive as her. This is why kids need to learn to acquire a tough shell. Those little shits will just look for any kind of weakness and if someone indicates that it bothers them, they will keep at it. This can also happen to Chads who lack confidence. In line of something Maou brought up a while ago, I think that just punching someone in the face deals quite wonderfully with such situation. Presumably you need to watch out if the other guy is a member of a protected class.
That’s a great point. She’s a solid 8/10 in my opinion. It’s statistically unlikely that those who most certainly picked on her were on her level.
Interestingly enough I was going to share a similar example. In terms of the discussions that if a chick hasn’t had boyfriends by 21 she’s either ugly or mental.
I was going to say that there is one exception. If she has a minor flaw that shes insecure about.
I know a girl who’s got a 10/10 body and cute face. But she doesn’t seem to have had a boyfriend, she might even be a virgin.
She has (cosmetic) some issue with her teeth and never smiles. Shes actually an amazing person and ambitious. She has the work ethic of an unattractive girl.
Weirdly so for someone who could have coasted along based on their looks.
So this might be on of those hacks or glitches in the matrix. You can find diamonds in the rough where a non-important flaw results in this kind of situation.
Thanks for the anecdote. In the case of the lazy eyed girl it’s actually pretty endearing now that I think back on it. Like how she makes eye contact and quickly looks down at the floor, and goes back and forth while grinning. It makes what would otherwise be a pretty intimidating chick seem much more relatable because of this perceived submissiveness.
Too bad she apparently became a slut because of it so she’s broken goods in terms of LTR potential…
Okay, so I think a major sticking point I’ve been having with “picking up chicks at the office” game is simply coming across as too much of a player. I don’t know why I didn’t figure this out sooner, but many of these young chicks just aren’t going to look to this guy in his 30s and be like, “yeah, that’s the guy I’m going to go for to get my rocks off.”
The biggest problem here is that playing this type of game costs way too much fucking effort, and essentially involves lying about your intentions with women. Basically, it’s a super lazy strategy in the sense that I don’t feel like going out of my way to meet chicks through a broader scope. I’m just like, “eh, this chick is here already, I’ll go for this one.”
I know for a fact that as soon as I start having intimacy with any one chick that I’m going to start losing interest to a noticeable degree, and I think women pick up on this vibe too. In a nutshell, I’m saying it’s just way too much effort to bother with texting a girl everyday, putting up with mixed signals and resistance while continuing to pursue her at the risk of creeping her out, taking her out on 2-3 different occasions, listening to her vent about her childhood traumas before finally catching her in the right mood etc., all the while you’re probably competing with like four other dudes and one might even be a Chad who actually is banging her out on the side.
I think this strategy would be okay if I was actually interested in being with a particular chick, but like I said I know as soon as I start having sex with her I’ll get a confidence boost and start pursuing other women.
@pickernanny, can you rephrase. I coudln’t parse what you’re saying.
This comment was meant to go under pickernannys comment about mastery of skill etc. I misposted it here.