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Open Post: Women who go to a Female Therapist (by Yarara)

Yarara recently left an interesting comment, which is worth turning into a separate article. He wrote about how the female therapist of one of the girls he is banging encourages her to sleep around behind other’s backs:

One of my latest lovers is a 22yo who recently broke up with a LTR (she got dumped, actually). She does therapy, she sees her psychologist (female psychologist, I will point out) once a week. Due to some reasons I will not go into, our relationship carries some pitfalls, ie it would be more prudent if it were not be happening.

Her psychologist told her to carry on anyway, and encouraged her to explore her sexuality more with me (she has a VERY low partner count, including LTRS).

At the same time, at her workplace, a guy that could most aptly be described as her supervisor was hitting on her. I suspected she would finally sleep with him, which she eventually did.

But what I found remarkable was, that when she told her psychologist she had slept with her supervisor, her psychologyst told her to go ahead with both affairs, and specifically told her that he and I need not know about each other. So basically she should fuck both of us behind our backs.

She knows I dont care much, and told me anyway. Im OK with it (for what it s worth, she only had an ONS with him, while I bang her twice a week). But I could not help but notice… what kind of advice are therapists – and specifically female therapists – giving young confused girls these days?

I have heard similar stories throughout the years. In fact, I can’t recall anybody ever telling me that the therapist of his girlfriend did not tell her to fuck multiple dudes or break up the current relationship. In this regard, I know of several guys who got dumped by their girlfriend because their therapist encouraged them to do so, often with a justification along the lines of her being “young” and “needing to see what’s out there” or her “deserving someone better”. It’s comical when the women in question are in their early 30s and the guy just banged her because it was convenient. One chick I met in London told me that according to her therapist, she’ll always be able to find a man, and this caused her to dump her long-term boyfriend in order to get involved with guys who were not seriously interested in her.

There is also the aspect that some therapists seem to want to live vicariously through their patients, encouraging them to do all kinds of crazy things. A male acquaintance, for instance, told me that his therapist suggested, at various points, he’d “earnestly explore drugs”, do a sabbatical or just quit his job without having another one lined up. What also seems to come up often is the recommendation to cut off contact with one’s family.

By and large, I think that psychologists are a rotten lot. Sure, there may be a few good ones out there, but overall, they probably do more harm than good. In this regard, I can’t help but point out that the more troubled the patient, the bigger then need for a therapist. Consequently, there is a perverse incentive for them to mess up their patients so that they keep coming back for more. This reminds me of the perverse incentives of the medical industry in general.

If you think you need a therapist, I would recommend you make it very clear that you are only going to pay for a limited number of sessions, five or ten. Five sessions can be more than enough, and if you think you got your money’s worth, you stop going. A few years ago I went to a psychologist to get a second opinion from someone who is not involved in my life. First, it was a bit of a challenge to find an older, male psychologist who does not come across like a total faggot. Once I found one, I clearly laid out what the issue was, we started working on it. As I deliberately looked for someone with a CBT background, it was also very practical.

After three or four sessions, I had gotten all the input I needed to sort out my real-life issue, so I told him that I got what I wanted and appreciate the input, but that I won’t return for the remaining sessions (he still got paid). He then went into what seemed like a well-oiled routine where he invited me to use “our remaining time” to explore other aspects of my life, and so on. You know, you’re never done working on yourself, and so on.

You will also notice that you won’t ever find a therapist who tells you that he won’t be able to help you. This may perhaps sound surprising to some, but with my own consultation sessions, I have occasionally not taken on clients because I thought they were not ready yet. Examples are people who get very defensive when you ask a few probing questions or if they are not in a place where they would benefit much from my input, such as a fairly obese guy who wanted me to work on his “game”, but I told him that he needs to slim down somewhat first. Good luck finding a therapist who is similarly concerned about his patients.

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25 thoughts on “Open Post: Women who go to a Female Therapist (by Yarara)

  1. I Uber drove for 3 months several years ago. One of my passengers said her daughter was majoring in psychology or taking classes to become a psychologist. She said “as you learn and help yourself, you then help others.”

    I was struck by this because the person being helped the most would likely be the psychologist. If a client comes in and says “i’m lost, hate my job, and don’t know what i should do”. well, what if the psychologist has never been successful at anything else? why shouldn’t the client conclude, oh i hate my boss, i’ll just take a few psyche classes and be my own boss working over skype like you?

    1. This is a good point. The bigger issue here is that a therapist should have significant real-world experience. The idea that a chick in her mid-20s would be able to help, for instance, a childless woman in her 40s or 50s successfully deal with regret over a life wasted, or a 50-year-old man who realizes that he has been sacrificing everything for his career is quite ludicrous.

    2. This reminds me of narcissistic Hollywood writers/directors making movies about their struggles making in the business. A fraction of 1 percent can identity with that. Mike Judge is the only one that had it right with Office Space. A movie we can all identify with. Because he grew up in the real world, not the sheltered Hollywood community.

    3. Here in Sweden the psychologist programs (yes, psychologist, not psychology – the psychologist degree is a specific degree for those who want to work as psychologists) used to require at least one year’s worth of full-time work experience for admission. Not a lot, but better than nothing. Unfortunately, that requirement was removed many years ago.

  2. “He wrote about how the female therapist of one of the girls he is banging gets encouraged to sleep around behind other’s backs”

    I think you meant to type “encourages her” 🙂

  3. I think when it comes to mental health, I appreciate psychiatrists more than psychologists. Psychiatry is a rigorous field that demand full commitment, psychology is a sloppy field at best.

    1. Psychiatrist are more concerned about getting you hooked on pills, though.

    2. @CQV

      I used to think the same as you years ago. Psychology is a nototriously unreliable discipline, and rigorous psychologists are few and far between (Lee Jussim is the only one that comes to my mind right now).

      However, since I began to get more familiarized with evidence-based medicine, I found out psychiatry is on a much more shakier ground than I previously suspected. Peter Gotzsche, founding member of Cochrane Collaboration (the closest you get to gold standard of scientific realiability in medicine) has long argued that the field of psychiatry is actively harmful for most of its patients.

      He wrote a book or two about it, but you could just as well look him up on youtube for a quick overview:

    3. @Yarara

      Thank you for introducing to me Dr. Peter Gotzsche. I have a found a book called “Deadly psychiatry and denial”. I will make time to read it.

      Is this the book you have read?

    4. By the way, the view that psychiatry in the West has serious effect on patients were mentioned constantly by Illuminatus, a friend who met Sleazy years ago.

    5. I have not read it yet (its on my to do list) but I have seen and read enough interviews of him to have a good overview of his positions and to trust he knows what he is talking about.

      Other evidence-based people that I know or follow, like John Ioannidis and Sebastian Rushworth also speak highly of him.

  4. I have for long suspected that psychologists advice to girls to slut it up comes more from a personal preference than any sound science. Dont forget, people who study psychology are overwhelmingly progressive, and the field skews so far left that you would be hard pressed to find any conservative psychologists, even outside of hype woke academia. (Jordan Peterson, in one of his conferences, famously replied to an audience member that all of the conservative psychologists in the world were sitting in his chair)

    This girl I mentioned is, essentially, a “good girl”. Very inexperienced, her sexual partners can be counted with one hand, mostly boyfriends. I told her outright that her psychologists was no good advice, and that she should aim at keeping her partner count as low as possible, and not waste her 20s partying away.

    I am usually quite open with girls about the facts of human psychology and sexuality. If she wants to experiment new things sexually, or ask questions she never dared to ask before, she should take the opportunity to do so while she is with me, but keep aiming at a more conservative outcome in the future (in other words, get a decent boyfriend while you can, and treat him well).

    1. Unfortunately if a professor says it, students take it seriously. If all the professors are saying it, it’s taken as fact. Same with economics, and all other social sciences. Scientific method be damned. It “sounds like it should work.” With no testable outcomes. Well, female promiscuity has been tested now for decades, and we can observe that it DOESN’T WORK. I do however, agree with distancing yourself from your family in certain circumstances like narcissistic abuse, and other forms of abuse.

      I also agree that therapy and the medical industry are scams designed to not help you in order to get you coming back. We all know PUA works this way. I would throw 12 step programs in there as well.

    2. The 12-step program is a great example of pseudo-scientific nonsense. Why bother with a proper scientific evaluation when there is already an established industry, amirite?

    3. You are right. It’s tentacles are heavily entrenched in the psychological, medical, and even legal fields. The legal fields is especially disturbing because it is a serious affront to the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States (separation of church and state). Especially for something that doesn’t even fucking WORK. I’ve been wanting to write about this at length for a long time. I’m still saving it for later……

    1. Damn, meant to put this under the posts about psychology and medical industry scams.

    2. Regarding social sciences, I came to the realization that a lot of it was unreliably very early on, while still a student. However back then I was naive enough to think hard sciences were solidly based in evidence.

      Then, a little over a decade ago, I came across John Ioannidis and his landmark paper on why most published research finding are wrong:

      Although some of the more extreme interpretations of Ioannidis may not be warranted, it seems he has been largely right. This led me down a whole different rabbit hole altogether. Other names to check out on the reliability of science are Stuart Ritchie, John Staddon and Lee Jussim.

    3. You should look into ongoing attempts to destroy mathematics. In California the powers that be have made quite some progress, first by curtailing stronger students due to abolishing AP classes and second by softening standards. The same is happening here in Europe as well. Apparently, 1 + 1 can be anything as long as you come up with a justification, no matter how nonsensical.

  5. The only thing I can really add is that around 5-6 years ago I had a childhood buddy whose wife ended up seeing a marriage counselor. My friend told me that the female counselor was giving his wife advice on how to basically get out of the marriage ‘cleanly’, as in more or less provoking an outburst of some sort and secretly recording it as evidence. I believe they were going to the counselor together and then it ended up with the counselor wanting to get a solo session with the wife. His wife was simultaneously having some fling with a guy she worked with it turned out. Tbh, as much as the counselor sounds shitty my friend had a drinking problem which is inevitably why I eventually went my own way from him. Last I hear he remarried another woman with two kids in another state while his only child got left behind with his liberal/feminist ex-wife. Poor little guy.

    1. Therapists do not seem eager to help people fix their relationships as much as change the relationships.

      I would bet that this stems either from

      1) the belief that people are “meant to be” or they are not, or some romantic bullshit notion like that (instead of pointing out that it is a mutually negotiated partnership for life/reproductive objectives that both must make sacrifices for)

      2) The belief that relationships are inherently unequal because feminists applied the marxist worldview to relationships. There is always an opressor and an opressed, and just swap out proletariat for woman.

      What they wont tell you, is that in IPV (Intimate Partner Violence) over half of the time both parties are violent against each other (bilateral violence). In cases where violence is unilateral (ie one person is violent and the other is passive victim), women are perpetrators slightly more than half of the time. Yay patriarchy!

      Most people in problematic relationships would probably benefit more from learning about nonviolent conflict resolution strategies than about “toxic masculinity” dogma.

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