Some time ago Chris asked,
On previous discussion it has been noted that men consider a woman’s body more important than her face for sexual arousal and/or attraction. A woman can appeal to men in different ways. What do women find arousing in men? A muscular body at 7 percent body fat. etc…?
I have been asked variations of this question quite a few times. Probably about half of my clients discussed body fat and musculature with me. The more I thought about this issue, and reflected on my own experience, the less important I perceived your body to be, at least in contrast to the message that is being pushed by the fitness industry. But let’s take one step back.
First, in an ideal world, you have the perfect body, height, and face. Yet, that is likely not the case. Furthermore, you can’t change your height significantly even though you an give yourself a visual boost by having good posture and using inlays for your shoes. Your face is largely fixed as well. Some cosmetic procedures can have a dramatic effect, such as fixing a crooked nose or getting chin implants. Most men shy away from such drastic measures, though. However, they can still change their facial appearance by losing (or gaining) weight or experimenting with various beard styles.
The reason why there is such a big focus on the body in the minds of men is that it is malleable. Sure, it can take a lot of effort, but you can by and large have the body you want. If you look malnourished, you can eat more. If you’re obese, you can lose weight, if you lack muscle mass, you can work out. Of course, the roided-out appearance of your favorite fitness YouTuber is out of reach with natural means, but you can still get very good results without illegal and potentially harmful supplements.
The big problem with focusing too much on your body, though, is that you will normally not be able to effectively use it for pickup. This does not apply if you live in a beach town and have great weather almost the entire year. Going to the beach with your shirt off is arguably the only widely socially acceptable way to use your physical appearance directly for picking up women. My six-pack abs, when I still had them, were only ever effective when I was able to show them. I did that by taking my shirt off in techno clubs. This works, but even in degenerate Berlin I could only really do this at Berghain. At other clubs, I was able to get maybe half an hour, if I was lucky, before a bouncer showed up, telling me that I can either put my shirt back on again or leave.
If you have your clothes on, your slender and toned body may even look weak. The biggest surprise for me was when I made an active effort to bulk up. My body fat shot up to around 15%, but with a sweatshirt on, I looked like an entirely different person and genuinely physically intimidating. This was never the case when I was slender. Most interestingly, I could sense that people reacted differently to me. This was also when I briefly got back into pickup. In terms of positive reactions, I did about as well as I had done years before, if not better. I was certainly a lot more effective, but that I chalk down to simply excessive experience in picking up women.
I think there is a sweet spot with regards to body fat, and it is nowhere as low as your fitness gurus may tell you. If you want to effectively use your body in pickup and can’t walk around half-naked, you will be a lot better off with a few extra percent of body fat, provided you still look athletic and not simply doughy. As I wrote above, compared to your face and height, your body is the most malleable, so you should certainly work on it.
With regards to the importance of height, face, and body for pickup, I’d say that height reigns supreme as it is such a primal signal. Tall guys are natural leaders and shorter guys naturally submit to them. I think I mentioned the anecdote of a former boss of mine who enjoyed a far higher status in the company yet whenever I bumped into him in the hallway, he’d yield because I was a lot taller than him. This commonly led to some awkwardness because I tended to also yield to him because he was my superior in the organization.
I would say that if you had the choice between a pretty face and an imposing body, you’ll be better off with the latter. I’ve worked with several guys who did not have pretty faces but who were able to, with my help, style themselves in such a way that they were able to fit the “badboy” persona, which made their level of success with women skyrocket. The point here is that your body can compensate for an only average face and you can do very well regardless.
A pretty face alone I consider almost worthless. It is only effective in combination with an imposing body or good height. Sure, feel free to bring up Tom Cruise. Yet, even that guy in his prime certainly had a hard time competing against men who would literally overshadow him. A short man with an attractive face is invisible in a crowd of people. Also, I don’t think that an attractive face alone is arousing to women. The kind of good-looking guys women swoon over normally have a great face in combination with a great physique. Also, if the face was of paramount importance, the “badboy” stereotype would not exist at all. In fact, I think a good argument could be made that a face that is too aesthetically pleasing is not masculine. I’d have to think about this a bit more, though. It seems to be true for many of the men the mainstream media glorifies. For instance, I don’t think that Leonardo DiCaprio has a masculine face at all. Note that I’m not saying that he’s not attractive. However, I don’t think a guy with such a face can get the same visceral reaction that, say, a guy like Lisbon who has the face of a killer could (how are you doing, bud?). The latter does not have an attractive face, yet I’m convinced he could get the juices flowing more than Leonardo DiCaprio with his status and hundreds of millions in the bank. Note that we are talking about primal attraction here and not about resource extraction.
A tall guy with an imposing body will make people move out of the way whereas a soybody [This was a typo. I wanted to write “soyboy” but this is better!] with a pretty face won’t. I think this is also a key component of having “presence” as some people call it. The uplifting conclusion is that the least changeable part of the face-body-height triad, i.e. the face, is the least important. Furthermore, you don’t need to go to extremes in the gym either. You’ll probably do a lot better if you put on a bit of extra fat, assuming that you remain in a healthy body fat range, instead of trying to get a better definition of your abs, which would necessitate a significant drop in body fat. In order to maximize female arousal, your body is the most important part. Having the face of a killer would certainly help, though.
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