Sometimes, guys pursue a woman not because they are sexually interested in her, but for various other reasons. A big one is validation. If you haven’t gotten laid in months, then the attention as well as the prospect of having sex with a woman you don’t find particularly attractive may be preferable to consuming online porn. While I would not recommend that course of action, I won’t blame you if you do. Society tells you that you need to have a woman, after all. Then there is the issue of curiosity: the dude just wants to know if he can have sex with that particular woman, and if he gets to that point, he may as well do it. This may sound odd to you, but just think back when you were a bit younger. Surely, you’ve had male friends who pushed you to pursue this or that girl. If you do end up having sex with her, you may only partly do so because you want to have sex with her. Another reason is that you may just brag in front of your bros that you indeed did bang that woman.
Another issue, and one that I have encountered quite frequently, among friends and clients alike, is that the guy is not really into a particular woman, goes through the motions anyway, and thinks he can convince himself in the end to have sex with her. This is not a clear-cut situation. Maybe you really like talking to that woman. You get along great — and then she’s lying naked in front of you and you’re wondering how you are going to get out of this. I was in such situations maybe two or three times myself at the beginning of my career as a seducer. I wanted to figure out how to get laid, and then I wanted to gain more sexual experience with more women. In one case, a woman tricked me with highly manipulative clothing: tight pants with some kind of front inlay that created the appearance of a flat stomach, some ass-shaping tights, and a push-up bra. I pretended that I had fallen asleep but didn’t dare to actually fall asleep because I was afraid she’d touch my private parts. I snuck out of her apartment in the morning. Another case was with a woman I thought was pretty cute, your typical Plain Jane. Yet, there was zero sexual energy. I did not feel sexually drawn to her at all so I just couldn’t bring myself to bone her.
Once you have gone through such situations a few times, you’ll probably wise up and avoid getting into a similar mess in the future. Yet, this is one of those cases where you could come to the rational conclusion that you shouldn’t bother with a particular woman beforehand. But tell that to a guy who does not get laid a lot, or to a guy who wants to get laid more often and thinks he should not be too quick to reject a woman. A friend of mine wanted to argue that this was no problem at all because he always has some Cialis with him, so if he can’t get hard, he just takes a boner pill. Instead, it’s probably better to listen to your body, but I digress.
There is one caveat, however: being the object of sexual desire is attractive. Take Plan Jane and Plain Lorraine: Plain Jain is timid and average looking. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that she’s half dead already because she just isn’t really there. Yup, some people really are that dull. However, there is also Plain Lorraine who may be as average-to-dull looking. Yet, she has something else going: she really wants to suck your dick, make it rock-hard, bend over, and get fucked unconscious by you. Would you bang her? If you have never faced this situation, you may think that looks is looks is looks, but you’d be wrong. An average-looking woman who is totally into you and does everything to please you is most certainly worth your time. Furthermore, your body will tell you the exact same. Your dick will pick up on this and happily guide you through this interaction.
Obviously, the best case is banging a super-hot chick who is really into you. However, if your choice is between a hot girl who is only kind of into you, yet, for whatever reason, wants to fuck you versus your typical 7 who wants you so much that she’s pulling your cock our under the table in the restaurant and gives it a few good strokes, then the latter is probably the better option. Of course I am not talking about the long-term here, but merely about relatively instantaneous sexual gratification. Let your dick guide you. If it does not feel drawn towards some woman, then don’t tell yourself that you’ll get into it anyway once you start to undress her. It’s quite possible that you won’t.
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Aaron,
I definitely agree that you need to quickly decide whether to have sex with a woman. I sort of came to this realization years ago, and when I was starting to actually get laid, I would err on the side of quickly deciding “yes” if there was anything about her I found attractive. As I gained more experience and was able to bang girls that were 9s if not higher, my standards got higher. But lately, the Tinder well has run a bit dry, and I’m strongly considering temporarily lowering the bar a bit. This question of whether you should listen to your dick vs. simply fuck someone lower on the looks scale if you’re not currently drowning in pussy is a point of yours I think I might disagree with.
One author I respect from back in the day is Chris from Good Looking Loser. At this point, he’s just selling bogus supplements, but I thought he had some good articles on his blog. The fact that he places a strong emphasis on looks, stuff like screening via touch, and “natural” game are all positives. Here’s what I consider to be a decent article of his:
https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/index/the-real-reason-why-you-didnt-get-laid-this-weekend
“If nothing else – you will learn something and have a new experience that will make the weekend (or any night) more memorable than sitting at home.”
I can think back to some experiences with less-than-desirable girls that can attest to that.
And also, regarding girls being eager to please, yes, some of the less attractive ones are more eager to please, and you can also get away with way more crazy shit in the bedroom if you go for it, as Chris suggests.
I’ll also add that I think this advice would have been way more valuable to me when I was in my teens and early twenties. There were plenty of girls that were basically throwing themselves at me, but who didn’t look like the porn stars whom I jerked off to, so jerking off was all I did.
Honestly, I’m tempted to say that if you have little to no experience, you should lower your standards enough that you get some. Or, even if you do have plenty of experience, if you’re not getting laid, you may want to lower your standards a bit, perhaps even get a sub-standard plate and continue to go after new women so you can trade her up for a hotter one. It’s not as gratifying as having a hot plate, but ultimately, isn’t it better to just be getting laid?
A thought just occurred to me, which is that Aaron’s caveats apply to most of these subpar women I’ve bedded. For many of them, there was something about them that I found attractive – generally, a chubby body but a cute face is workable for me – the weight issue is more of a lifestyle compatibility issue than anything (when a girl is stuffing her face with junk food, and you’re drinking water because you’ve already hit your macros for the day, the girl feels rather self-conscious.)
And then, regarding being the object of desire, I can think of a woman I met who looked much worse than her photos led me to believe on Tinder. She had furthermore mentioned, prior to meeting up, that she would be very disappointed if she didn’t get laid. I kind of forced myself to have sex with her, and I don’t regret it in the slightest. Why? I could tell how much she enjoyed it. The actual mechanics of the sex wasn’t even anything that special, it’s just that I could tell that she doesn’t get a ton of attention from handsome dudes with six packs that make six figures. I got the impression that she felt she wasn’t really even worthy of being there.
On another note, I recently sort of screwed up a prospect by hesitating about making a move with a girl, who probably would have turned into a very reliable fuckbuddy had I not seemed so disinterested. She could probably sense that even if we started banging, I’d lose interest, and didn’t want to get herself hurt, so she never responded to my text after our first date.
So I suppose all of this reinforces what Aaron has said, but I think the tricky thing is, having the experience to be able to use your judgement regarding whether or not fucking the woman is going to be a chore.