(No, I’m not talking about killing her. Guys, seriously!)
One of my clients recently shared a very interesting story from his dating life with me. In short, he showed up on a date. The woman’s behavior could be described as disinterested to hostile, and after a while, he got up, wished her a good day, and walked off. You may now think that walking off from a date that doesn’t go well is nothing to write home about, but the exact opposite is true. There are legions of men who sit through painful dates, or even endure abusive relationships, just so that they can have sex. In some cases, the mere promise of sex keeps those men in line.
When the average Joe goes on a date, he is trying really hard to please the woman. He may have stories prepared to keep the conversation interesting. Of course, he pays for drinks. He may even drive her, or pay for a cab. If he follows the standard script, he’s happy to provide 12 to 16 hours of entertainment, i.e. three dates, all in the hope to get laid. In contrast, guys with self-esteem view dating much differently. Sure, PUAs of yore told you about “being the prize” and that it’s all just a matter of your “inner game”. However, if you aren’t a “prize” or catch, then you will find it very difficult to fake it ’til you make it. Yet, if you are a desirable man, you will find it very difficult to sit through a date with a woman with a bad attitude. Instead of having to remind yourself what kind of bad behavior you accept, and what you will excuse, you will react immediately if she does something you don’t like. Then you get up and leave.
When I first heard someone talk about the “power to walk away”, I thought it was an odd concept. To me, it was obvious that you could always just walk away. When I made my first forays in dating, I remember online dates where the woman sitting across from me looked nothing like she did on the pictures I on her profiles. Consequently, I excused myself very quickly, normally within a few minutes, but usually not without calling her out on her bullshit. What surprised me was that those women had absolutely no qualms about their behavior. One got quite upset because I “dared to walk away”, as she phrased it. Apparently, she felt that she was entitled to a top-shelf guy and her deceptions should not matter at all.
Many guys have to learn that they have the power to walk away, and this can only work if they know that they have other options. In the case of a woman who tricked you into agreeing on meeting up with her by means of sharing manipulated pictures, you should be mature enough to realize that you’re better off jerking off than subjecting yourself to that kind of travesty. That’s not even the worst part. I recently heard about a guy who ended up on a Tinder date with a feminist and she insisted on pegging him with a strap-on dildo before he could fuck her (at least that’s what she said; it may have been an empty promise and she only wanted to enjoy her power trip). That’s the point where I did not want to hear more. I don’t know if he went through with it but, clearly, if you are willing to demean yourself so much just in the hope of pounding some pussy, you need to work on yourself.
The look on the face of a person who feels entitled to your time, work, or presence as you walk away is priceless. That should not be the motivation, though. Instead of wanting to get back at her for tricking you, the angle should be that you respect yourself, which is why you now have to walk off. The remaining question is on how to walk off. You can do it gracefully or not-so-gracefully. Contrary to what you may think, considering my sometimes harsh language, I am not a blunt person in real life. I allow the other person to save face. I wasn’t always like that, but I have found that embarrassing someone in public isn’t really worth it. Furthermore, it isn’t the case that such a woman does not know that she wanted to bamboozle you and use your sense of propriety against you, i.e. she throught she could trick you because you would be too much of a gentleman to just drop her.
The blunt version is telling her that she looks nothing like on her pictures. Then you get up, thank her for paying for your drink (she hasn’t paid yet, but you won’t) and leave. I once ended such a date by telling her that “this is not going to happen”, and walked off without waiting for her reply. If you work in BigCorp, you must have developed your ability to act dishonestly, though. In that case, pull out your phone, glance at it, and tell her that you have just gotten a really important message and it’s something you need to take care of right now. Tell her that she’s looking great, and that you hope she can forgive you for now just walking off. Obviously, you are crestfallen that you have to leave. Maybe even tell her that you’ll make it up to her by inviting her to a nice restaurant. Then you get up, give her fake hug and a fake smile, and you’re off. Obviously, your words were as dishonest as her deeds, so you’ll just ghost her. You’ll probably end up picking a point between those two extremes. A good compromise is claiming that you need to urgently take care of something and have to go, dropping all the other fakery. In any case, you need to get out as soon as possible if you ever find yourself in such a date.
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Here’s a better one I just straight up tell them I’m not over my ex wife and that I’m sorry I wasted their time. It’s a lie but an effective tactic.
This is a good one, too! I remember one girl telling me this on a first date, i.e. that she just realized that she’s not over her ex-boyfriend yet. Interestingly, I also recall meeting women in clubs who said the exact same thing within the first few minutes, yet happily came with me later. Of course, in the former case, we’re talking about a pretense, in all likelihood, while in the latter, the woman wants to give herself an easy way out in case she happens to change her mind with the next half an hour or so.
I once matched with a woman on tinder, but I had only looked at the main photo before swiping. Looking at the rest made me quickly regret that swipe. But instead of ghosting, when she asked me whether I had a wife of GF, I lied and said I was in an open relationship but we were open to threesomes. She unmatched herself ?
“…the power to walk away, and this can only work if they know that they have other options”.
This is very difficult to do, but I have always managed to walk away despite the lack of options I had in the past. It comes from having inner-strength/respect/boundaries.
“I once ended such a date by telling her that “this is not going to happen”, and walked off without waiting for her reply”.
Or
“…pull out your phone, glance at it, and tell her that you have just gotten a really important message and it’s something you need to take care of right now. Tell her that she’s looking great, and that you hope she can forgive you for now just walking off”.
You guys are too nice. Lol
In my younger days and present time, I would excuse myself by telling my date that I need to use the restroom. Once I have excused myself from her, I would make an escape for the exit, leaving my date behind stranded and stuck with the tap. Within 5 minuets or so, my date would realize that I have abandon her. Keep in mind that women have no qualms, any empathy or remorse for fucking guys over or doing the same things to guys. I’ve had dates with girls who would not stop playing with their cell phone and simply tell me that “I’m a grown ass woman, and I can do whatever the fuck I want”. I’ve literally had girls say that to my face. And guess what happened? I excused myself to the restroom and made an escape for the exit.
Having another option can also mean being completely happy with yourself. A guy who’s happy with himself won’t compare a bad date to having no woman at all around but instead he will conclude that this woman is a net-negative and that he’s better off without her. Imagine being independently wealthy and having a job. You can just walk away from that job even if you don’t have another one lined up. Likewise, a guy can be independently emotionally healthy and realize that he is not getting anything out of pursuing or being with a particular woman.
Disappearing to the restroom and sneaking out is something I associate with women. Probably every guy who ever went to a club or just a few dates may have have encountered a woman who used this pretense to get away from him. I think it’s weak. Just say that you’re not interested, or don’t be a dick and wish the other person a nice day.
In your example, when a woman is that respectful, you could as well say, “No problem. This date is over.”, and leave. I don’t want to play armchair psychologist here, but I get a hunch that you may be afraid of confrontation, which is why you rather sneak out than just walk off.
I cant remember ever walking out of a date. One time I was close, with a girl from tinder who turned out to look better in the photos than IRL. But she made such an effort to be pleasant that I said ok, what the hell. Turned out she was surprisingly good in bed, so I dont regret it.
OTOH no women have walked out on me. I did have a few women ghosting me after a date, but in almost all cases it was no surprise, as the dates were not very good. Not much was missed.
Only once or twice did a woman have the balls to tell me that they didnt think it would work out, and I appreciated the honesty and the fact we did not waste our time any longer than necessary.
Not ending a bad date is kind of a problematic mix of “sunk cost fallacy” and neediness.