Meeting Women · Men

Progress is Often Invisible

A relatively frequent occurrence among those of my clients who book multiple sessions, with an eye towards long-term improvements, is that they sometimes hit a plateau. Surely, those of you who worked hard to improve your odds fucking random women have made similar experiences. Skillful early physical escalation is a good example. It takes experience to pull it off, but if you can’t yet properly read the situation, you may weird out the woman sitting across from you. Within moments, a promising hookup that could easily have converted into a lay turns into a lost opportunity. It sucks when it happens. Through practice, however, guys gain more experience. This does not lead to steady improvement. Instead, suddenly they get a lot better.

I also recall that when I started out, I got make-outs in the club from the get-go. I met women who were really into me. Some even happily left the venue with me. Yet, for a few weeks I was in this purgatory where I knew I was missing something, could not quite put my finger on it, and, for one reason or another, lost a few lays. Of course, before I knew it, I broke right through that hurdle and ended up doing spectacularly well. I am of course not saying that everyone of you will be able to replicate the hookups I have recorded in my Sleazy Stories books. However, whatever your skill level with women, there is probably some aspect that gives you some trouble and which you could work on. Maybe you have a game plan that works for you, but the inefficiencies in it you do not dare to tackle because you rather stay in your comfort zone. There are ways around that.

I think a bit part why guys give up trying to get better with women, even guys with phenomenal potential, is that they can’t quite deal with frustration. They want the pay-off right away. In fact, I don’t have the impression that people really learn to overcome difficulties anymore. Apart from learning a classical instrument and practicing pieces that are right at the limit of what you are capable of, I can’t think of many other areas where kids get to grind away at something and fail over and over until suddenly the pieces fit together and they succeed. There is less and less friction in life. School and university curricula have been dumbed down — the other day I heard of a relatively well-regarded university that grants students unlimited retries in case they fail their mostly open-book examinations —, dating apps make hooking up, in principle, relatively effortless. Shopping for clothes, games, toys, groceries can be done online. Life is essentially on autopilot nowadays.

In contrast, trying to really improve your skill in something, anything, is rather unpopular, which is probably why people give up so easily. They don’t know what it feels like to work hard at something. You fail, and fail, and fail some more — until you succeed. You learn from our mistakes along the way, oftentimes subconsciously. Then you pick yourself up again, and again, and then you try and fail yet again. Eventually, though, you will get there.

Note that this is much different from the kind of mindless pickup that was preached by seduction gurus. Those guys told you to stick to a script that did not make any sense, do it over and over and over, in the hope of getting a (flaky) number every once in a while. Because the approach was harebrained, there was no success to be had. People just ended up wasting their time perfecting a “routine” that does not work. To reuse the example of learning a piece of classical music, this would be like working with an instrument that is utterly broken. Practice all you want — you just won’t get anywhere

Did you enjoy this article? Excellent! Here are some further steps to consider:
1) If you want to read more from Aaron, check out his excellent books, the latest of which are Sleazy Stories II, Sleazy Stories III, and Meditation Without Bullshit.
2) Aaron is available for one-on-one consultation sessions if you want honest advice.
3) Donations for the upkeep of this site are highly welcome.

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