Dating · Men

Does a (perceived) lack of choice make men settle for fat women?

Some weeks ago I came across a blog post by a high-ranking Google engineer, an early employee who is most certainly worth many millions of dollars. His post was about his wife, who died all of a sudden. He didn’t mention the cause of death. I don’t want to draw undue attention to him, and I don’t want to give off the impression that I’m gloating at his misfortune, so you can try finding that post yourself. Yet, as I went through his heartfelt post, I had a hard time relating to him. He claimed his wife “looked like a movie star” when she absolutely didn’t. What I saw was a morbidly obese woman with terrible skin and unattractive facial features who most likely ate herself into an early grave. Of course, that was a personal tragedy for the surviving partner. Speaking truth at that particular moment in time may not be particularly appropriate, but at some point you have to dish out the truth.

What I thought back then was why this highly successful man bothered tying himself to a woman so far below his status. The formula is quite simple: if you do well in life, you’ll get a slim, attractive woman. If you fail at life, you’ll get a fattie. This is roughly how it plays out in long-term relationships. Chad and Tyrone may well fail in life in the long run, but they get their pick of women for a quick pump-and-dump. So, why do men do this? How little self-respect does a man need to have to enter a long-term relationship with a woman who could easily suffocate him if she collapses on top of him during sex.

A frequent commenter on my blog, Don, recently posted a picture that captured the absurdity of such men perfectly:

I don’t know anything about the financial situation of this guy. He’s at least dressed properly and has enough money to get a haircut. This alone would put him, in my opinion, well above the kind of woman he proposes to. I mean, just look at her! I bet there are petite women out there who weigh less than one of her arms.

If you think that morbidly obese women are all you can get, I’d suggest you don’t pursue long-term relationships at all. However, the two examples I mentioned in this post point to the problem of men who either clearly are accomplished or who are at least not total losers. Even at the start of this career, the engineer mentioned above was in a better position that many men. The guy kneeling in front of that walrus, on the other hand, seems put together a bit better than what you normally see. Even if you question this, I don’t think you could plausibly make the point that he is not dressed better than she is, or that he does not look healthier than she does.

So, what is it with those men? I think a big problem is ego, or the lack thereof. Fat women, on the other hand, need to be more proactive if they want to get laid. Those may even actively pursue men. Now, if you’re a meek engineer who is able to bend a computer to your will but who does not believe that he is attractive may well fall victim to an obese woman preying on him. That meek engineer may even think that because no woman has ever shown interest in him, the fattie preying on him is his only chance at getting laid or married, which he thinks is the ultimate goal of his existence. This observation leads us down into a really dark corner of human psychology as the same psychological mechanisms play out are reminiscent of extreme experiences like being taken hostage or getting raped. That female hostages fall in love with their captors is well-known. This is the so-called Stockholm syndrome. What is perhaps not so well known is that women can orgasm during rape. Having an orgasm is of course a very powerful bonding experience. Thus, a rape victim can fall in love with her rapist. This is in essence the same mechanism that plays out when women wonder why they fall in love with assholes.

I’m not sure whether getting raped is worse than having sex with an utterly abhorrent woman because you think that she’s your only choice. On top, society, friends, and family are telling you that you’re a loser if you don’t have a girlfriend. Thus, those poor men may experience something akin to a female hostage who gets raped repeatedly. If a woman eloped with her captor and rapist, it’s a media sensation. On the other hand, when a meek man gets pressured into a relationship with an abhorrent woman by society, it’s business as usual. Nothing to see here, folks!

Personally, I do not think that a healthy man can be sexually attracted to a morbidly obese woman. If you are, then you have a fetish. It’s called fat fetishism. If it was normal that men would want to fuck fat women, then it wouldn’t be a fetish.

For older guys who are waking up and realizing that they have trapped themselves, I think the only sane way out is cutting the cord. You were young, naive, and inexperienced, and a predatory woman simply took advantage of you. That sucks, but don’t waste the remaining decades of your life that easily. For young guys it can be tough developing a sense of self-worth. I think if you banged a few hookers, you’d already stop viewing sex as special because you know that you can always get it in exchange for a few crumpled banknotes. Yet, on top you also have to tell society to go fuck itself. You may get pressured into a bad deal by society. On the one hand, you may want to please others. Yet, the flip side is that you will deal with the consequences. Your bitter uncle who is married to a fat and ugly woman may be happy seeing you getting shackled to a younger version of his wife, but you’ll be the one waking up to a blob of a woman every day. Do you really want to do that just to please others?

In short, develop a sense of self-worth. The rising MGTOW community certainly gives me hope for a change for the better. A lot of men used to get shamed into committing to women they were not attracted to. Oh, and fat women can be really persistent, so Bob the meek engineer may not be able to put up resistance for long. He may even think that he’ll get her to slim down, which is a colossally stupid idea because two decades of fat accumulation won’t be reversed all that easily. Today’s young men are a bit wiser. Going your own way is not a mainstream movement yet, but with a bit of initiative, today’s young man can find like-minded people online and get moral support that way.

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10 thoughts on “Does a (perceived) lack of choice make men settle for fat women?

  1. When I was 20 or 21, there was a guy I liked who liked me back but we never officially dated because he was hung on on his ex, who was very overweight and older. He told me that he liked me, but he loved her, and then they got back together. There I was, barely tipping the scale at 100 lbs, a pageant girl, being rejected by a guy who was average looking though charming, to go after a girl who was heavy and older. I like to think that he just wasn’t a shallow jerk and actually did love her.

  2. Yep, and that’s exactly what feminists are trying to achieve when they gaslight guys with bullshit like “wait for a woman to throw herself at you” and “it’s rapey to show interest in a woman who didn’t throw herself at you” and “if a woman has any interest in you at ALL, she will make it abundantly clear and unambiguous”…

    Feminists are working hard to make all of this brainwashing mandatory for boys in school… Literally their goal is to brainwash every little boy to think “I guess i can only get ugly fat feminist whales”… because “hey those are the only ones throwing themselves at me, so it must be all that I can get”.

    Related analysis here:

  3. Specially in the USA obesity is now considered the norm. And confidence in men is almost non-existent these days. Specially in guys that didn’t got any action in their teens. I don’t think these guys realise that their sexual market value has increased now they’re older and working the tech job. They probably failed approaching the pretty girls in their teens. They often think they don’t even have to bother with pretty girls. They don’t realise that their situation has changed. Or in many cases they even resent pretty girls for rejecting them when they where younger. Lots of them were in the friend zone when they were younger. They gave up on waiting for the pretty girls a long time ago.

    1. @ben

      “And confidence in men is almost non-existent these days.
      Specially in guys that didn’t got any action in their teens. (…) They gave up on waiting for the pretty girls a long time ago.

      You have reminded me of the one episode of “Married with children”. One that Bud Bundy ultimately scores some bimbo, it’s s10e08: “Blond and Blonder”.

      quotes, after 12 minute mark: “it’s amazing how your looks can improve with nice clothes, contact lenses and 10m $”, “he is ex-husband of my dreams”, “computer club, (…). Who would have thought that geek like that end up successful”.

      That aside, i don’t understand last part of your statement, could you elaborate on this a bit more, ie. why I should play even with pretty girls now, that im mgtow and risk all the nasty shit they could do to me?

    2. why I should play even with pretty girls now, that im mgtow and risk all the nasty shit they could do to me?

      In most cases prostitutes are a better choice.

    3. chairman: You don’t have to play with pretty girls if you don’t want to. Or just go with escorts as Alek Novy recommended. I’m MGTOW and i still play from time to time. I’m just very selective. Each his own. Do whatever you like. Just be careful and think twice. It’s called going your own way. I did the monk thing for some time. It’s not for me. I need the conquest from time to time. I just try to limit the risks. But if the monk thing works for you than great.

  4. ” if you do well in life, you’ll get a slim, attractive woman. If you fail at life, you’ll get a fattie. ” This is a sweeping generalisation? I live in Australia and quite the polar opposite is true: Attractive tall guys with tattoos get the pretty girls; intelligent nerds with money don’t get anything at all. Here you will get burned alive by women. Not only is men from all over the world streaming into first world countries making it close-to-impossible for the locals to even meet a spouse, but women double down on Joe Big Muscles instead of settling for the guys she should. Oh yes, but only after she crashed and burned with Joe, will she take Teddy, the nerd.

    1. Women in their teens and twenties are more focused on looks. When they’re in their 30s they will be more focused on money and stability. But they often keep fucking badboys on the side anyway. Or they divorce the beta provider and take his money. Than they can go back to screwing badboys while still being provided for by the beta.

  5. Dating is really skewed in the sf bay area for men, I would not use it as a good example. That same guy in almost any other american city would probably do better, and america is fat.

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