Ladies, this is why you fall in love with assholes

Probably every dude who has female friends — no not chicks who “friend-zoned” you but women who groom you as a backup in case things go sour with their current partner — may at some point have heard the claim that they “fall in love with assholes”. Likewise, if you bang a lot of women, and quickly move on from one to the next, you may be all-too-familiar with all kinds of stalking behavior, and women pushing for a relationship just because you spent one night with them. It seems quite rare indeed that a woman does not want to see you again after you have given her a good orgasm.

There is a fundamental difference between men and women, which explains why slutting it up feminist-style (to be like the guys!) just does not work for them. As a guy, sex is just sex at the start of a potential relationship. If you don’t spend much time with a woman, besides fucking her, chances are you don’t grow emotionally attached to them at all. With women this is dramatically different. It’s almost as if they question their “love” to their boyfriend the moment they catch themselves looking at some other guy. I’m joking, but there is a deeper truth.

The problem is that with women, emotional attachment seems to be triggered with orgasm. Emotional attachment also increases with the amount of time she spends with you, and touching. This explains two kinds of behaviors. First, women who do not want to “get hurt” will let you wait because they don’t want to get taken advantage of. They will only have sex with you once they are reasonably sure that you will commit to a relationship as they would rather miss out on sex than enduring the heartbreak that comes from pumping and dumping. Second, there are women who end a one-night stand very briefly after sex, in order to avoid getting emotionally attached. They keep the interaction at a transactional level in order to avoid emotional attachment.

On the other hand, women who fuck around a lot, and don’t set any boundaries, end up with guys who affect them emotionally, for instance by boning them, or via physical contact in general. Their emotional attachment is a consequence of physical intimacy, not the other way around. To make it even clearer: what kind of guys fuck women for sport? It’s guys with at least a slight narcissist bend. Thus, Annie, chances that the guy you follow home is indeed an asshole are pretty high. You didn’t give Lame Joe a chance, and lack restraint, so you’ll end up with a lot of assholes you’ll fall in love with, and this happens due to physical intimacy which you granted all-too eagerly.

It seems people used to know about this and therefore strongly discouraged their daughters from fucking around. On the other hand, guys were encouraged to fuck around, before settling down with a proper woman. For guys, it can really be “just sex”, while women have a much different emotional response. You could probably explain this in evolutionary terms, but I rather stick to observations than mere speculation. Yet, traditional values are out and slutting it up is in, so naive women will have to endure heartbreak, or go all in and lose the ability to fully experience emotional intimacy. The latter is a concept the manosphere has summed up as the “thousand-cock stare”. Those women are essentially like prostitutes, the main difference being that they are a bit more selective, and don’t charge money.

15 thoughts on “Ladies, this is why you fall in love with assholes

  1. Excellent post. Most nice guys and beta orbiters think its other way around – you get her emotionally attached by becoming best friends and then have sex.

  2. I remember a study from a few years ago where the researchers concluded that girls had the highest chance of a relationship if she put out right away compared to witholding sex for some time…. (sorry I don’t have the reference…)

    1. I would be interested in reading that paper. I would imagine that this is true for short-term relationships. However, there is evidence that long-term relationships including marriages are more stable if the woman has had fewer sexual partners. In fact, there is an inverse proportion: the more pre-marital partners, the less stable the marriage. For men no such relation was found. I would furthermore assume that women with fewer sexual partners let the man wait a bit longer, and also that men who are looking for a partner for marriage won’t bail if they don’t get laid on the first date.

  3. Likewise, if you bang a lot of women, and quickly move on from one to the next, you may be all-too-familiar with all kinds of stalking behavior, and women pushing for a relationship just because you spent one night with them. It seems quite rare indeed that a woman does not want to see you again after you have given her a good orgasm.

    That’s why I was always surprised when reading PUAs complaining about their main sticking point being “retention”. And many of these were guys who were consider super mega duper expert super PUAs.

    And then they started coming out with elaborate tactics on “retention”. And I’m looking at all this and going “Am I the crazy one here, I have the opposite problem”.

    Like my entire problem has always been how do you get them to stop stalking you and begging to see you again and telling you that they love you want and coming to your door with gifts. All of this just coz you had sex with them once.

    I ascribed this to “maybe it’s because I’m getting most of my lays from social circle and semi-social”. And the PUAs complaining about retention and putting out 15DVD sets on “improving retention”… maybe it’s because they get their lays from super-cold. That’s why chicks don’t answer them the next day and disappear and the PUA has to “re-game her” over text (and all that nonsense they do).

    *-> Semi social means the girl is part of a wider niche/scence, and even though she saw me for the first time in her life when I met her, she still might have heard of me… or she knows people who know me. So it’s not super-cold.

    Aaron was this your experience even with the clubs, i.e. strangers

    I say strangers and not “cold” since I know you always calibrated approaches to receptive chicks for the most part. So was this true even with all those lays who were complete strangers?

    Coz I really don’t get the PUA thing. There are entire forums of “advanced PUAs” where they’ll all wondering about retention”. Whereas my experience has been as you described. I’m confused.

    1. Yes, I have experienced this plenty of times with women I pulled from clubs as well. Women in this category, however, were occasionally of the professional dick rider category, and those try to not get involved emotionally with you and turn sex into a pure transaction. However, note that I didn’t go to huge mainstream clubs, but scene clubs, so it frequently happened that women “knew” me just because I hung out at the same place a few times a month or so. Then, of course, there is the case that you meet women who aren’t really experiencing pumping and dumping much because they don’t go out a lot, and then they meet a dude who pulls girls more often than others clip their fingernails. To them, sex equals a relationship, and they are seemingly unable to process this in the context of club hook-ups as opposed to (wider) social circle hook-ups.

  4. In reference to sex just being sex (to most guys?) at the start of a relationship, I think that only applies to guys who aren’t desperate (the minority). I’ve seen and heard stories of guys who fuck things up with potential girlfriends/playmates by getting overly eager and acting like complete wusses f.e. texting too much instead of just setting dates, sending flowers to their house or work, trying to get the girl to be his girlfriend after sex (or even before sex) instead of just letting her have the idea first.

    This applies to girls who were initially into the guy for whatever reason. But the guy just doesn’t know how to act or control himself. I agree with what you’re saying, though when you make the above statement I assume you’re generalizing about the top 30% or so of men.

    1. Yes, of course. I’m primarily writing about my own experiences, directly and indirectly. I am familiar with weak beta male behavior, though, and fully agree that there are guys out there who literally lose their mind at the prospect of getting pussy, no matter how shitty its quality.

  5. Have you read the book “Sex at Dawn” before? I think it will challenge the above assumptions like the one about stable marriages stemming from the woman having fewer sex partners. I think it would be interesting to read a challenging view point.

    1. It’s not just an assumption, but based on what seems like plausible statistical data. I don’t have the time to look this up right now, though. Sex at Dawn has been widely criticized for its poor use of methodologies, by the way. I haven’t read it.

    2. Widely criticized is an overstatement. It is understandable if it was widely criticized as well though. Scientific research or anything for that matter that flies in the face of the status quo faces a lot of criticism. But the methodology used is not flawed. The idea that you should spend your entire life in love and with a single person who is also in love with you is very flawed indeed. So is the methodology used to archive that conclusion. I’ll leave you with a poignant statement from what is one of the best work on the defense of polyamory in our time. “Just because you became a vegetarian and that just because you think it is morally superior and just because it probably is doesn’t mean beacon starts smelling bad”.

  6. “The problem is that with women, emotional attachment seems to be triggered with orgasm”

    – I believe this is also why legitimate self-defense instructors will tell you “Don’t stick your dick into crazy” as in,if she’s already exhibiting signs of serious obsession,desperation,mental issues,etc. then it may very well be in your best interest/safety not to even bother laying her(assuming you haven’t yet)as it carries the potential to make her and/or the situation even worse. (unless you’re absolutely sure you’ll never see her again and have safety precautions)

  7. Sex at Dawn is a good book, but a lot of it is logical supposition. Similarly, while there is a negative correlation between the number of sexual partners and the stability of marriages, this does not prove causality.

    What I have seen repeatedly from a number of women is a pattern where they meet a guy, rapidly have sex, and if the sex is good they then try to rapidly convert this into a full blown relationship. While the progression is not wrong, the fact that the sex is good tends to color their perception of all the other compatibility issues. The ensuing relationship drama is usually related to the fact that the woman is working hard on making the square peg fit into the round hole. Ironically, a conversation or two prior to becoming a couple might have prevented a lot of this.

    As far as “don’t stick your dick in crazy” this is not really the best advice in my view. Some the wildest sex imaginable can be with a crazy woman. The problem comes from trying to stay in contact with such a person for any length of time. My own rule is to have fun, but have a solid escape plan you execute within 48 hours or less.

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